
~Q~
Waiting for the bus
- May 20, 2022
- 93
please forgive my grammer and writing as im not great at it.
in may of 2012 i met someone from a picture i posted to social media. she was kind, caring, affectionate, and beautiful. everything i thought i didnt deserve. we were married in march of the next year. our first couple years were really difficult. she made an unthinkable choice for me and carried on. my problem was that i did not see it the way i shouldve. she encouraged and inspired me to always reach for more. she is behind some of my greatest achievements and bucket list items. from pushing me to get back into music to playing alongside some of my inspirations and world famous musical artists. we traveled together we saw new things and new places that were only equaled by the look on her face while we were there. i could feel the warmth of her heart in everything she did.
i got lost in my own head and never stopped to consider what my actions did to her.
fast forward to … you guessed it … 2020. when we should've grown closer i pushed her away more and more. i was harsh and a general asshole to the one person who cared the most. i said unspeakable things. did things that i never shouldve even considered and pushed her farther away.
now we get to my big mistake.
i separated her shoulder. it was an accident but i did it. she went to her room and slammed the door said something under her breath i barged in and she was behind the door. we had seperate rooms we were on opposite schedules. (another mistake) she fell and landed on that shoulder. i hurt the person i loved most in the world. (wasnt the first time) After this time she started pulling away talking to some guy online i got to hear her tell him i love you all the time while i was recovering from yet another cancer surgery. so to make sure she wasnt cheating i put cameras in the house without her knowing. it was when she found them she absolutely lost it. she was a victim of revenge porn before we met so it was a step too far.
I am the monster you see on the news and in the crime shows.
hearing the person you love the most telling you they hate you and hurling insults is more than i can handle.
I am intentionally leaving this for her to find. i made a promise that i would tell the truth to anyone that asked.
use this story. hold it up for the world as what not to be.
I cannot be a burden on her or the world anymore.
in may of 2012 i met someone from a picture i posted to social media. she was kind, caring, affectionate, and beautiful. everything i thought i didnt deserve. we were married in march of the next year. our first couple years were really difficult. she made an unthinkable choice for me and carried on. my problem was that i did not see it the way i shouldve. she encouraged and inspired me to always reach for more. she is behind some of my greatest achievements and bucket list items. from pushing me to get back into music to playing alongside some of my inspirations and world famous musical artists. we traveled together we saw new things and new places that were only equaled by the look on her face while we were there. i could feel the warmth of her heart in everything she did.
i got lost in my own head and never stopped to consider what my actions did to her.
fast forward to … you guessed it … 2020. when we should've grown closer i pushed her away more and more. i was harsh and a general asshole to the one person who cared the most. i said unspeakable things. did things that i never shouldve even considered and pushed her farther away.
now we get to my big mistake.
i separated her shoulder. it was an accident but i did it. she went to her room and slammed the door said something under her breath i barged in and she was behind the door. we had seperate rooms we were on opposite schedules. (another mistake) she fell and landed on that shoulder. i hurt the person i loved most in the world. (wasnt the first time) After this time she started pulling away talking to some guy online i got to hear her tell him i love you all the time while i was recovering from yet another cancer surgery. so to make sure she wasnt cheating i put cameras in the house without her knowing. it was when she found them she absolutely lost it. she was a victim of revenge porn before we met so it was a step too far.
I am the monster you see on the news and in the crime shows.
hearing the person you love the most telling you they hate you and hurling insults is more than i can handle.
I am intentionally leaving this for her to find. i made a promise that i would tell the truth to anyone that asked.
use this story. hold it up for the world as what not to be.
I cannot be a burden on her or the world anymore.
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