Still fucking alive

[felixwasabsurd]

My last post was in October '23 I was supposed to be gone by December two years ago but I'm still here.
I forgot about this forum, I got "better" I fell back in love with my partner and my friends. I had a life I continued my education… and then the one person who raised me, who cared about me who actually gave me a childhood had his life taken away from him and everything crumbled.

I'm done
I can't fucking do this anymore everything fell apart why the fuck am I still alive I don't deserve this he deserves his life I don't. He wanted his life, he wanted to have kids and a family and people to care for and he never got that and fuck I know it's selfish to take my life while everyone is already grieving but this is my final straw
I graduate in two months.
I'll let my family be happy for a bit before I crash my car into a bridge, I think that's the only way I can justify my death.

 

[Darkover]

we are alive in awful circumstance where unfortunately everyone you care about dies, you don't continue living your current life. Because your life as you knew it died with your caregiver one. It's hard to carry on, they have passed, it will take some time to over come the feels and thoughts of grief

 

[felixwasabsurd]

we are alive in awful circumstance where unfortunately everyone you care about dies, you don't continue living your current life. Because your life as you knew it died with your caregiver one. It's hard to carry on, they have passed, it will take some time to over come the feels and thoughts of grief

I'm just afraid of how my inevitable death will hurt my family now that someone so important has already passed, It's so painful my heart is shattered and all I can think is how I wish it was me I feel so selfish

 

[princeseadove]

My aunt passed away last summer, and since than it's been pretty difficult for me as well. Back than too, I thought I was getting better, until I was backstabbed and the worst got the best of me and everything else. My aunt was severally loved, she was someone who was so generous and kind, and my family will never be the same.

I don't think you're selfish. I think you're compassionate, who still cares for their family, who still wants to lessen their grief, you just can't shoulder your own, that's all, and I think that's human and justifiable.