Try reading up on NDEs, they're a huge source of comfort - and might help put some of these qualms to rest.
Hopefully this might help OP.
Here's a word by word response to a similar question answered by someone whose had several NDES (Near Death Experiences):
I had multiple NDEs as a child and a couple as an adult. I also was trapped in religion for quite some time. I was afraid of "god" even though I had experienced nothing but love and warmth and welcome. People told me I had been tricked, and that I was a fool for not seeing that, etc.
Here are my answers to you based on having both met the Divine Being (as I call it, because of the baggage attached to the word 'god'), and having lived decades in fear-fueled religion. You must ultimately make your own decision of what you believe.
You did not "sin". There is no such thing as "sin" because to "sin" is to offend a 'god'. Typically, a very specific god. I completely don't believe that god exists. I believe the only higher power that exists is the one that I met in the afterlife. And that DB (Divine Being) is love. It is the literal personification of love. The DB is not less loving than you are; it is MORE loving than you are. Than I am. Than anyone is here. You and I both know that the "punishment" that is supposedly meted out by "god" is anything at all besides loving.
There is nothing to forgive. To forgive is to grant a pardon for an OFFENSE. You are flawed. I am flawed. All humans are flawed. But to be flawed is not the same thing as being evil. I can have a plate with a chip out of the bottom and still eat off of the top of it. It's not EVIL, it's merely flawed. The DB made you, you do not offend It. It made you flawed. It made all of us flawed. If we are flawed, and the DB is the personification of love Itself... then we were meant to be flawed and we are lovable EXACTLY as we are. Even the worst of us. This is one of the things that makes me so infuriated with religion. This TERROR of LOVE is horrendous. There is nothing to be afraid of. The DB is loving, tender, welcoming, gentle, appreciative, grateful, compassionate, kind... There is a book that describes LOVE as "patient, kind, keeping no record of wrong, etc." That book says, "God is love." That book describes its god and its god is not kind, it is not patient, and it keeps record of wrong. It fails its own description of love. There is no terrifying monster to be afraid of because you made mistakes.
I was shown what I often call "Pocket" realities (I used to call them Pocket Universes, but that's a Thing that has nothing to do with this, lol). In these pockets of 'reality' that are part of the afterlife, you can take part in any activities you desire. You can even visit other people's pocket realities (if they allow it) where you can experience fantasy realms such as Lord of the Rings, Vampire Diaries, Dr. Zhivago... Almost all "fantasy stories" have pocket realities modeled after them. It's a little less "real" seeming than here (there's no real, deep, overwhelming terror because on some level the souls know it's not REAL, real). Still, it's obviously tremendously enjoyable.
In my view, based on my NDEs, there is no reason why you should be afraid of the personification of love, dear friend. What you've done here that bothers you will be seen in the life review, and unless you're like, I dunno... Pol Pot or Stalin, your life review is liable to be pretty short. It's also very Fair and Just. It's not torture, it's just learning. There will be pain, but the pain you will experience is Compassion. You've felt that before in this world, it will be familiar. Then it will be over and you will go Home.
And you will be delighted. I saw many family reunions (so to speak) on the other side as people passed on. Loved ones often cannot even WAIT to see you and they may come before you even go. They gather up like horses at a hay bale as your life course nears a close. All will be well, if my NDEs were really the glimpse of the afterlife that I sincerely, on every level of my being, believe them to be. You're gonna love it!
