Staying there for my loved ones

[Freedent]

I feel the strenght to fight the urge to CTB but its exhausting. I don't want to get better for myself, i want to get better for the people around me..

 

[timf]

There are two paths in life, giving and taking. We find love in giving and a depth of experience that cannot be found in taking only.

Your avatar seems to mention "art". I suspect that if you have an artistic inclination it may be reflective of a greater emotional sensitivity than average. If this is the case, you may wish to allocate a little "taking" in order to sustain yourself and minimize exhaustion.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

Some here know my story, short version my 25 yr old son died 3 yrs ago in a car accident. I totally broke, basket case and beyond unstable. I was so bad my younger son turned 18 and ran to my ex in laws to get away. I set a date to go in October, the same one my older son died on. My younger reached out to me I think end of september. He wanted me to come stay for a bit at my ex in laws and teach him how to drive. We have been working on our relationship. We have made tremendous progress since he reached out to me. I didn't push him away forever. I am trying to get my deep depression under control, the grief under control so I can be the mom my younger son misses, he lost the one he knew the day his brother died. Do I want to die? yes. I am not afraid and welcome the day it comes- I will be reunited with my older son but now.. with the progress we've made I also am looking forward to a brighter future with my younger son. So for HIM and only HIM I am working on getting strong enough to be his mom he misses.

I wish you the best of luck with getting better. I hope while you are working on getting better for those around you- that you find a reason for YOU to get better too.