Staying alive for others.

[WAITING TO DIE]

Staying alive for others is one of the biggest barriers to ctb.
Yet, if you are staying alive for others, then what if the roles were reversed ?
How many friends, or family members do you think would stay alive for you, if any ?

 

[ghostbird]

I really struggle with this. People say suicide is selfish, but I think forcing someone to stay here against their will for your own benefit is also selfish.
I am not alive because I want to be. Staying alive is of no benefit to me. I live only to lessen the suffering of others. Which isn't fair at all, because I didn't force them to care about me (I know that's not how feelings work though).

There's a quote from A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara that I love. It's from the perspective of the father of a person who committed suicide.

"In those months I thought often of what I was trying to do, of how had it is to keep alive someone who doesn't want to stay alive. First you try logic (you have so much to live for), and then you try guilt (you owe me), and then you try anger, and threats, and pleading (I'm old; don't do this to an old man). But then, once they agree, it is necessary that you, the cajoler, move into the realm of self-deception because you can see that it is costing them, you can see how much they don't want to be here, you can see that the mere act of existing is depleting for them, and then you have to tell yourself every day: I am doing the right thing."

 

[D1byRam3n]

Staying alive for others is one of the biggest barriers to ctb.
Yet, if you are staying alive for others, then what if the roles were reversed ?
How many friends, or family members do you think would stay alive for you, if any ?

Its hard to know because people always have different things going on in their minds sometimes they feel want to open up to you while on the other times they are so hard to be approached...

 

[Kit1]

Staying alive for others is one of the biggest barriers to ctb.
Yet, if you are staying alive for others, then what if the roles were reversed ?
How many friends, or family members do you think would stay alive for you, if any ?

I struggle with this. I am still here because I decided to have children and have two wonderful children. My battles belong to me and my death will cause untold suffering to them - and that is not fair on them especially because I brought them to the planet, guve them happy childhoods and do not want them.to end up being messed up - had I had the type of childhoods they had, I wouldn't be in this mess. And I don't want to then condemn them to that kind of life by me exiting the planet. Essentially it is duty if care as a parent.

 

[Iris Blue]

I was thinking a lot about this today, sometimes it feels like my love for them is stronger than their love for me. In the past I was open about how much I hate being alive and just wanting to die and also including the times I attempted to die. They heard and saw a lot of the pain I was in but it just seems like I'm always being held back from just being free by all of their guilt. This entire time I've only stayed alive for other people. It's exhausting and does nothing for me. I just wish I could be able to die like they do with the death with dignity scenarios.

 

[Hevn]

There is no such.
My ex, who said that she would never leave me, that she was mine - first of all, she is guilty of throwing me into absolute hell.
My best friend knew what happened to me, she knew my main enemy. She promised that she would go with me all the way to the end, that she won't leave me. She lied.
Two more of my friends deceived and betrayed me.
My own "mother" deceived me and turned me in to the fsb.

I no longer trust people, I don't believe in friendship, love. I'm tired of empty words. Tired of lying, "kind" words.

 

[Wehmut]

Yea, I get that the thought of others mourning after you can be a reason to stay. But I think everyone has a right to leave this world whenever they feel ready. These thoughts should not prevent you from going in my opinion because your parents are the ones who forced you into this existence in the first place. Me, personally, I wouldnt even say that I am sorry for ending myself in my goodbye letter.

 

[Some place nice]

I have one friend that I know is staying alive for me, he is my only friend. My family wouldn't stay alive for me at all.