I really struggle with this. People say suicide is selfish, but I think forcing someone to stay here against their will for your own benefit is also selfish.
I am not alive because I want to be. Staying alive is of no benefit to me. I live only to lessen the suffering of others. Which isn't fair at all, because I didn't force them to care about me (I know that's not how feelings work though).
There's a quote from A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara that I love. It's from the perspective of the father of a person who committed suicide.
"In those months I thought often of what I was trying to do, of how had it is to keep alive someone who doesn't want to stay alive. First you try logic (you have so much to live for), and then you try guilt (you owe me), and then you try anger, and threats, and pleading (I'm old; don't do this to an old man). But then, once they agree, it is necessary that you, the cajoler, move into the realm of self-deception because you can see that it is costing them, you can see how much they don't want to be here, you can see that the mere act of existing is depleting for them, and then you have to tell yourself every day: I am doing the right thing."
