"Staying alive for others" is the equivalent of "staying together for the kids".

[Seiko]

It's parasitical for all parties involved. Misery shouldn't be normalized. No one wins.

 

[sadpinky]

So how do we overcome this overwhelming feeling that makes the pain we'll cause those we love once we're gone the only deterrent in our departure?

 

[Seiko]

So how do we overcome this overwhelming feeling that makes the pain we'll cause those we love once we're gone the only deterrent in our departure?

You overcome it by coming to terms that:

• You cannot control how others react to your death.
• You cannot control the emotions other people hold over you.
• You are in complete, sovereign possession of your life.
• If you persistently ideate suicide—your loved ones cannot save you.
• Their pain will come to an end one day as did yours.

 

[sadpinky]

You overcome it by coming to terms that:

• You cannot control how others react to your death.
• You cannot control the emotions other people hold over you.
• You are in complete, sovereign possession of your life.
• If you persistently ideate suicide—your loved ones cannot save you.
• Their pain will come to an end one day as did yours.

Can we talk?

 

[Tortured_empath]

I partly stay alive for others. I can't tell you how to live your life, but I feel a sense of responsibility, purpose, love. Not to say others don't, but this is what drives me to be there for them. I might not feel like I am good for much but for them I have a purpose.

 

[time4sleep]

I've never heard it summed up quite like this before. It is perfect!

 

[Flare]

Can confirm. The few times I've talked openly about my instincts to just "let go", one of the very first cop-out answers I get is "But what about your parents/friends/loved ones etc.?"
To which I answer "I won't be alive to feel guilty about it".
Which is usually followed by some sugar coated way to say "That's selfish". Right, because expecting me to hold onto pain unbearable enough to make me even consider ctb just so a handful of people won't have to go through a few months or years of mild mourning, is the definition of selflessness.

 

[ClownMe]

great analogy

 

[Smily]

I simply realise that by "holding on" I will cause more pain for them in the long run. It's just better to leave them with hopes of me succeeding in life (not sure what you can call a successful life) rather then becoming a failure. They spent lots of time and resources to set me up decently in life. I gave a fair chance to life in return, but I forced myself to live all that time. I was never into life - I always felt out of place in this world, this society. And I claim it as a person who had a great childhood, great family, and extremely bright future. Having all that never made me interested in life. I just kept going for my parents as a payback for their investments. I knew it wouldn't be sufficient for a long life due to snowballing depression caused by forced existence, but at least I know - I tried for them. They can blame anything they want on me if that helps them - it won't bother me anyways.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would never stay alive just for the sake of others. It would be selfish of them to expect me to. It isn't like we asked to be alive in the first place so it isn't like we have any obligation to stay alive.

 

[whoeverThisIs]

Very good way of saying it, thank you, I'll write it down in my diary.

 

[sadpinky]

Very good way of saying it, thank you, I'll write it down in my diary.

I took a screen shot

 

[xBrialesana]

The only one I stayed for was my senior dog (21). He needed me. I needed him for events that happened while I was waiting. He's passed, my time to go

 

[clown_17]

As long as someone isn't 100% dependant on you and only you (like a pet or a child) you shouldn't blame someone for ctb. We don't blame dogs for being put down when they're in pain. Only difference is we're doing it ourselves.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I am in a point of my life that I am just alive for fear of death and what sadness it will bring my family

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

It's divorcing of one's self. Possibility of a failed attempt is scary.

 

[FohPah]

Suicide subtracts from your own suffering more than it adds to other people's suffering.

I think of the grief of the bereaved like how I think of crabs in a bucket pulling each other back in when one starts to escape.

Don't let other people's attachment to their prison get in the way of your freedom

 

[Deformationalplagio]

If you dont stick together why even make kids?

 

[t0rnbetween]

Well when there's dependents involved (or even young adult children, I would say) it is more complicated to just walk away. A parent's actions can really drastically impact a child's life. I mean if you're the type who doesn't care because you won't be around to witness the effects then go for it. I just see myself causing suffering similar to my own or possibly greater than my own to another person, and that pains me. I hate the pain I have to go through so why bring that on someone else I love? From the perspective of a parent who loses their child to suicide, I would feel really bummed because that's years of sacrifice I put into this child only for them to take it all away. It's kind of a slap in the face. Even for crappy parents.

BUT with all that being said... for me, the ultimate point is that we're all going to die. Some people die really young due to freak accidents or health issues or whatever else strikes. So the people left behind will still have to grieve whether someone takes their own life willfully or it's taken from them. But I believe the way in which a person dies does affect how people grieve and suicide seems harder to bear.

 

[almost done]

This is the only reason I'm alive ugh wish they could understand but I know it will fuck them up I guess I'll have to wait until there 18 or get lucky and get killed on the job

 

[logan]

The children are definitely the greatest motivation to persevere.
But at a certain point, even that doesn't help anymore.
You want to be there for them, be a role model and give them a good start in life.

When that's no longer possible, it hurts more than anything else.

 

[Pluto]

The grief that can be caused to loved ones is real, so I'd take a nuanced approach and say that it's appropriate to do one's best for as long as one can. Many of us have already been through this process without any change coming of it.

Sometimes I feel that the person they want likely isn't coming back anyway. Death has already happened on the inside. They must face reality rather than me trying to hide it for eternity.

 

[littlelungs]

You overcome it by coming to terms that:

• You cannot control how others react to your death.
• You cannot control the emotions other people hold over you.
• You are in complete, sovereign possession of your life.
• If you persistently ideate suicide—your loved ones cannot save you.
• Their pain will come to an end one day as did yours.

This post, while very simple and straightforward, is very helpful as far as me coming to terms with the extreme guilt regarding my family is concerned. Aside from the obvious, natural survival instinct issue – while I've wanted to die for just about as long as I can remember, I won't pretend for one second that the natural SI isn't a problem – my biggest anxiety about dying is by far the effect that it could have on my family, particularly my mom, who suffers from pretty severe depression, anxiety and abandonment issues. I'll never forget the way she sounded on the phone when she told me that her dad had suddenly died, and just the thought of doing that to her, too, always haunts me.

But the thing is, I know for a fact that she doesn't want me to suffer. In the pretty recent past, we've even talked about how annoyed we both are when people (in general) say, "Stay alive for your family!" because it's just like... why the fuck should someone have to continue living an excruciating life to make other people happy? She does, in principle, support the right to die, she personally understands what it's like to not want to live anymore, she agrees that it sucks to feel like you HAVE to live (suffer) for the sake of other people, and from a purely logical standpoint I think that she would understand why I don't/didn't want to continue living anymore... but unfortunately emotion/grief is often significantly stronger than logic or reason, which makes me terrified of how she could potentially react. There's part of me that has always felt an obligation to stay alive to "protect" her, and with that, I admit that I've always felt responsible for whatever could happen to her when I finally end my suffering, whether she takes her life, too, or has a complete mental breakdown because of it, or anything at all, really.

I'm not even entirely sure what I'm actually getting at with all of this, and I don't even know if I'm wording things properly, as my feelings about this are actually pretty complex... but this post/thread and the additional perspectives in here are helping to make me feel a little less like a bag of shit as it pertains to other people's attachments to me and their potential emotions towards my death, so thank you for this thread, OP. I've admittedly always been a people-pleaser (started out as a simple survival technique as a kid and then it just stuck with me) and I'm generally just really good at blaming myself for just about everything, so I don't think I'm ever going to be fully rid of these crushing feelings of guilt and responsibility for the emotions and actions of others, but the additional perspectives in this thread have definitely helped to alleviate these feelings somewhat.

 

[Pointlessness]

From the perspective of a parent who loses their child to suicide, I would feel really bummed because that's years of sacrifice I put into this child only for them to take it all away. It's kind of a slap in the face.

The so-called 'sacrifice' is something the parents chose to do themselves by creating the child in the first place. Parents looking after their children (a lot of parents don't even do this, let's be honest ) is an obligation that they signed up for, not some sorf of 'martyrdom' that you portray it as. Their child commiting suicide didn't even cross their minds as possibility before procreating, but they should be aware that it is an entirely possible scenario. They (the parents) made their child's death inevitable the moment they brought it into this world.

Even for crappy parents.

This is just pure Stockholm syndrome. Abusive parents are the last people who should be defended, because by their actions (being abusive bast*rds) they either directly caused or at the very least heavily contributed to their child's suicidal 'urge'. It doesn't make any sense defending them, they don't deserve it at all (and in my opinion, neither do 'regular' procreators / parents).

Excuse me if I came off as aggressive in my tone.

 

[blue_muse]

I used to feel obliged to stick around for my relative who brought me up. But, the amount of deviousness from them in recent years convinces me that they are not as dependent as they appear.

 

[Futile]

Don't set yourself on fire to make it warm for others

 

[Journeytoletgo]

You overcome it by coming to terms that:

• You cannot control how others react to your death.
• You cannot control the emotions other people hold over you.
• You are in complete, sovereign possession of your life.
• If you persistently ideate suicide—your loved ones cannot save you.
• Their pain will come to an end one day as did yours.

im going to read this tonight as I prepare thank you I needed to hear this

 

[VoidDesirer22]

it's appropriate to do one's best for as long as one can

And who would view a suicide as any thing less than going on for "as long as one can"?

I personally do not want to go on to the very brink of my capabality to find out how much worse it gets. I think we should be allowed to ctb before rock bottom as an avoidant measure.

 

[CTBgenuine]

It's parasitical for all parties involved. Misery shouldn't be normalized. No one wins.

I think EVERYONE here stays alive either for others or themselves, including YOU. If you really felt this way you would've ctb afterall...
There are many grey areas in life and love is a powerful little thing. Sometimes we love people so much and this love feeds our existence, which gives us a reason to wake up. It's borderline sociopathic that you seem not to understand this!

 

[its-about-time]

I think EVERYONE here stays alive either for others or themselves, including YOU. If you really felt this way you would've ctb afterall...
There are many grey areas in life and love is a powerful little thing. Sometimes we love people so much and this love feeds our existence, which gives us a reason to wake up. It's borderline sociopathic that you seem not to understand this!

It's a romanticized idea. It has its validity in theory, but in practice, hope and empathy for those we love are two very powerful forces. Sometimes I think our own hopes for ourselves are disguised as empathy for others. Hence why we are still here.