Starting over

[edu0z]

In April I leave my house to move to university. I will live there with people I do not know and a new place that I have never been. I think it's a good place to start over, meet people. Of course I'm really scared, but I want to at least try.

That will give rise to a new stage of my life. I don't know if it will be better or worse than the one I am currently living (I will strive to make it better of course)... but at least I know things are going to change, and right now if I want to stay alive I need some kind of radical change like that.

 

[Arrow]

Definitely sounds like a scary change, but a big life shift like that could be the answer. New surroundings, new people, new perspectives. Hopefully it ends up working out in a positive way and you continue to stay alive. There will be struggles but make the most out of them and try to keep your head up even if it seems impossible.

i guess you still have a few weeks until then but for now i will say best of luck to you.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

wishing all the best for you!

dealing with a lot people, like sharing house with other students, can help teach how to deal with people, which can be a lesson for life.

 

[BurnBurnBurn]

Life changed for me for the better when I went to university. In fact those were some of the best years of my life. I miss them. Wishing you all the best and I hope you have an absolutely incredible time there!

 

[Sherri]

A change is good , starting fresh like a new blank piece of paper, I wish you the very best luck, may you succeed in everything You will do. Put your heart and your mind into it and I hope you get far. Hope you meet a nice group of friends too. Don't forget about us, keep us posted on your new life. Fly high, the sky is yours. Hugs

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best. I hope things go well.

 

[edu0z]

Definitely sounds like a scary change, but a big life shift like that could be the answer. New surroundings, new people, new perspectives. Hopefully it ends up working out in a positive way and you continue to stay alive. There will be struggles but make the most out of them and try to keep your head up even if it seems impossible.

i guess you still have a few weeks until then but for now i will say best of luck to you.

thank you, best of luck to you too.

wishing all the best for you!

dealing with a lot people, like sharing house with other students, can help teach how to deal with people, which can be a lesson for life.

Exactly, I think it can help me learn to control social anxiety... It's a challenge, and since February 14 when I had a big crisis, thinking about it has at least given me a lot of hope. Almost nothing gives me hope anymore, so I value it.

Life changed for me for the better when I went to university. In fact those were some of the best years of my life. I miss them. Wishing you all the best and I hope you have an absolutely incredible time there!

Thank you, that has seriously helped cheer me up. I hope you are living an equally good time when you were or in college or if not, at least that you do it soon.

A change is good , starting fresh like a new blank piece of paper, I wish you the very best luck, may you succeed in everything You will do. Put your heart and your mind into it and I hope you get far. Hope you meet a nice group of friends too. Don't forget about us, keep us posted on your new life. Fly high, the sky is yours. Hugs

Right now the only people I can vent, talk to and care about sincerely are the friends I have in this forum. I know that I do not comment much or sometimes I spend days without spondering to the conversations, but it is because of my disorder that I sometimes get extremely depressed and in those moments I do not want to be a nuisance or say something bad. I appreciate all the people I have met in this place.

 

[Sherri]

thank you, best of luck to you too.


Exactly, I think it can help me learn to control social anxiety... It's a challenge, and since February 14 when I had a big crisis, thinking about it has at least given me a lot of hope. Almost nothing gives me hope anymore, so I value it.

Thank you, that has seriously helped cheer me up. I hope you are living an equally good time when you were or in college or if not, at least that you do it soon.

Right now the only people I can vent, talk to and care about sincerely are the friends I have in this forum. I know that I do not comment much or sometimes I spend days without spondering to the conversations, but it is because of my disorder that I sometimes get extremely depressed and in those moments I do not want to be a nuisance or say something bad. I appreciate all the people I have met in this place.

Same as me, I love talking and venting with all members, some I feel like family to me already, known them for so long. So that means you will stay in touch. Great!! Good luck again, we all deserve a new beginning if we still have the strength to do it. Ss helped me more than my therapist. xo

 

[CameronFrye]

It's definitely worth trying, and I commend your bravery in facing the unknown. I was the same way when I started about 5 years ago, and now I'm a dropout with no degree, no friends, and feeling much worse than I did when I started. I tell you this to serve as a warning, not to scare you. Here's some advice you may or may not find useful so you don't end up like I did.

First, don't live in fear. It's too easy to simply go from class back to your dorm/apartment and avoid others, and repeat the this process everyday. Whatever you do avoid falling into this trap no matter how tempting it is and your mind tells you to. Join clubs, do your homework on campus, invite clasmmates to study/grab something to eat, anything that will potentially benefit you in the long run. Just at all costs do not isolate yourself despite how much you may want to.

Second, avoid the sunk cost fallacy. This goes for your friends, clubs, major, or even school. If you get bad vibes from something, move on and find something better. I stuck with the first friends I met, and the first clubs I joined despite all the signs of them not being good for me/valuing me, and it eventually came back to bite me and left me with nothing. Also if your university feels like a bad fit, transfer the following semester to somewhere else and don't look back. My first school was extremely cliquey and Greek-life focused, and I clearly didn't fit in but I stayed for years trying to force it due to sunk cost fallacy, and missed out on potentially going to somewhere that fit me much better.

Third, don't focus on romantic relationships, and prioritize yourself. I got into a relationship with someone early on and gave so much time to her, only for her to leave me at the end for someone better. All that time I gave to a relationship I could've used to better myself and my future. Now its gone and I'll never get it back, and I got nothing out of it. I do think you can make a relationship work while in school, but no matter what do not prioritize it over anything important and non-relationship related.

I really believe you can make this work and find what you're looking for. You might not find this advice useful but if someone told this to me when I started I'd probably be in a much better place. Maybe I'd have the life I want and I wouldn't even feel the need to visit this site. Good luck and I wish you the best.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

In April I leave my house to move to university. I will live there with people I do not know and a new place that I have never been. I think it's a good place to start over, meet people. Of course I'm really scared, but I want to at least try.

That will give rise to a new stage of my life. I don't know if it will be better or worse than the one I am currently living (I will strive to make it better of course)... but at least I know things are going to change, and right now if I want to stay alive I need some kind of radical change like that.

Congratulations!

The best advice I can give you is to take advantage of getting-to-know-you events and other opportunities to meet people. Many folks find their best friends, wedding party members and even future spouses in those first few weeks or months of arriving at school.

How exciting!

 

[edu0z]

It's definitely worth trying, and I commend your bravery in facing the unknown. I was the same way when I started about 5 years ago, and now I'm a dropout with no degree, no friends, and feeling much worse than I did when I started. I tell you this to serve as a warning, not to scare you. Here's some advice you may or may not find useful so you don't end up like I did.

First, don't live in fear. It's too easy to simply go from class back to your dorm/apartment and avoid others, and repeat the this process everyday. Whatever you do avoid falling into this trap no matter how tempting it is and your mind tells you to. Join clubs, do your homework on campus, invite clasmmates to study/grab something to eat, anything that will potentially benefit you in the long run. Just at all costs do not isolate yourself despite how much you may want to.

Second, avoid the sunk cost fallacy. This goes for your friends, clubs, major, or even school. If you get bad vibes from something, move on and find something better. I stuck with the first friends I met, and the first clubs I joined despite all the signs of them not being good for me/valuing me, and it eventually came back to bite me and left me with nothing. Also if your university feels like a bad fit, transfer the following semester to somewhere else and don't look back. My first school was extremely cliquey and Greek-life focused, and I clearly didn't fit in but I stayed for years trying to force it due to sunk cost fallacy, and missed out on potentially going to somewhere that fit me much better.

Third, don't focus on romantic relationships, and prioritize yourself. I got into a relationship with someone early on and gave so much time to her, only for her to leave me at the end for someone better. All that time I gave to a relationship I could've used to better myself and my future. Now its gone and I'll never get it back, and I got nothing out of it. I do think you can make a relationship work while in school, but no matter what do not prioritize it over anything important and non-relationship related.

I really believe you can make this work and find what you're looking for. You might not find this advice useful but if someone told this to me when I started I'd probably be in a much better place. Maybe I'd have the life I want and I wouldn't even feel the need to visit this site. Good luck and I wish you the best.

Thanks a lot. That's exactly what I try to visualize in my mind to prepare myself before I enter. I know that when I am in that place with unknown people my first reaction will be to isolate myself and stay in the room without talking to anyone. The simple fact that my things can be stolen already makes me anxious enough to think about enjoying the moment. However it is just as you say, you can not live in fear. For me it is a surprise to stay alive in 2022, so I don't care about my things... I really have nothing to lose and once I can internalize that it is only a university and not a slaughterhouse I think I can begin to adapt.

Sorry, I don't know what "sunk cost" means... I guess it's some English saying, but I understand what you mean.

I've made a rule for myself and that's not to try romantic relationships in college. Sexual relations, I know I'm going to go for them, but at this point in my life I don't think it's healthy to have a relationship, neither for me nor for my partner... In addition, we would both live there, and after a breakup everything would probably become uncomfortable. I prefer to make friends and then when I finish college if I have improved and feel that I am ready and can contribute something, I will try to have something stable.

Thanks for the advice, I wish you good luck... you seem to me a good person, you deserve that things are better for you.

Congratulations!

The best advice I can give you is to take advantage of getting-to-know-you events and other opportunities to meet people. Many folks find their best friends, wedding party members and even future spouses in those first few weeks or months of arriving at school.

How exciting!

thank you very much, I am also excited :)

 

[CameronFrye]

Thanks a lot. That's exactly what I try to visualize in my mind to prepare myself before I enter. I know that when I am in that place with unknown people my first reaction will be to isolate myself and stay in the room without talking to anyone. The simple fact that my things can be stolen already makes me anxious enough to think about enjoying the moment. However it is just as you say, you can not live in fear. For me it is a surprise to stay alive in 2022, so I don't care about my things... I really have nothing to lose and once I can internalize that it is only a university and not a slaughterhouse I think I can begin to adapt.

Sorry, I don't know what "sunk cost" means... I guess it's some English saying, but I understand what you mean.

I've made a rule for myself and that's not to try romantic relationships in college. Sexual relations, I know I'm going to go for them, but at this point in my life I don't think it's healthy to have a relationship, neither for me nor for my partner... In addition, we would both live there, and after a breakup everything would probably become uncomfortable. I prefer to make friends and then when I finish college if I have improved and feel that I am ready and can contribute something, I will try to have something stable.

Thanks for the advice, I wish you good luck... you seem to me a good person, you deserve that things are better for you.

I think it's great you're preparing yourself to not live in fear. This is a must if you want to have a positive experience and I wish I did that myself before it was too late. It'll be difficult but absolutely worth it.

And the sunk cost fallacy is a common phenomenon where humans tend to keep giving time/effort/money, etc. to something, even if it no longer benefits them, to justify all they put in to it in the past. When something isn't good for you it's best to just cut your losses and move on . It's too easy to fall for it because we don't like to admit failure and start over, but avoiding it is how we learn and grow.

And avoiding romantic relationships, not sexual, is a great idea. This time is too important for you and your future and you need to prioritize yourself not someone else.

You got this and I hope you get everything you're hoping for. I believe in you!

 

[june]

I am thinking a lot of this kind of thing. Like a restart

 

[edu0z]

I am thinking a lot of this kind of thing. Like a restart

you should try, it's a good idea I think as long as you have the possibility

 

[june]

you should try, it's a good idea I think as long as you have the possibility

How have you been feeling now. Is it make you feel like you can reinvent yourself?

 

[edu0z]

How have you been feeling now. Is it make you feel like you can reinvent yourself?

That I have nothing more to lose and that there is nothing left for me in the life I have right now... that's why I want a radical change of life. Making the decision and going for it is difficult, since of course it is very scary to throw yourself into the unknown and it is much easier to simply give up everything and say that you are suicidal and that you no longer want anything. But I do want things,

courage... you can.