Spoke up before it was too late

[Ghost2211]

Everything was going too fast. I was getting more impulsive. I was waiting for my chance to ctb, but the baby is always with me. I told my ex to take all 3 kids to his parents so I could have alone time, but he got the hint and got me to talk. I told him I couldn't handle the loss of him, and the future loss of my kids. That 50% isn't enough... that they are my only purpose in life. That I'm too disabled to work and support them, and will lose them. I begged him for a couple hours away from the kids.. to just let me go. I told him dont call anyone it won't help, and will make me impulsive.

He said he doesn't want me to die, and wont do anything I can't cope with. We need to meet with a lawyer a work out the future. I'm emotionally numb... I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to want to live, and yet don't always want to die. He asked if I needed to be back together I told him it would be wrong for that to be the reason to try again.

I might go quite for a day or two to recover From that talk. I'm not dead, and will return. I feel so vulnerable and numb. <3 and peace to you all.

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry you are in a tough situation and I hope everything works out for the best. We'll still be here and this forum is like a home that you can return to whenever you need/want to. I wish you peace in your situation.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I hope you have peace in whatever you decide.

 

[SpaceForGrace]

I hope you find a way to work it out. I would fight for living with my loved ones had I the choice.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Take good care of yourself! Do you have irl support? I'm concerned because of his patterns of behavior that he may use this against you somehow, especially when you are vulnerable, numb, and need to recover. Take whatever space you need, but know that folks are here for you if you need us.

 

[MsMaudlin]

Such a difficult decision, I'm struggling to find alone tiime to do anything.

I hope whatever you choose, it will be peaceful ❤

 

[S1mpleme]

Everything was going too fast. I was getting more impulsive. I was waiting for my chance to ctb, but the baby is always with me. I told my ex to take all 3 kids to his parents so I could have alone time, but he got the hint and got me to talk. I told him I couldn't handle the loss of him, and the future loss of my kids. That 50% isn't enough... that they are my only purpose in life. That I'm too disabled to work and support them, and will lose them. I begged him for a couple hours away from the kids.. to just let me go. I told him dont call anyone it won't help, and will make me impulsive.

He said he doesn't want me to die, and wont do anything I can't cope with. We need to meet with a lawyer a work out the future. I'm emotionally numb... I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to want to live, and yet don't always want to die. He asked if I needed to be back together I told him it would be wrong for that to be the reason to try again.

I might go quite for a day or two to recover From that talk. I'm not dead, and will return. I feel so vulnerable and numb. <3 and peace to you all.

I don't understand, so in general your husband wants to leave cause you're sick, right? And now he offers you to be together, but you don't want because....?

 

[Ghost2211]

Hello beautiful people. I just needed life to take a step back and I needed him to be able to hear me. He was starting to be so cold to me and so uncaring. Every interaction made me just want to CTB faster. I wasn't ready to go just yet my tiny humans still need me. I want to CTB not get run over by it.

in someways I hoped that talking to someone honestly about how I was feeling, or someone wanting me to not die would change how I feel but it didn't. Nothing he say.s gets through, and quite frankly at this point I'm just waiting for an opportunity away from the baby to end it all maybe it is just too late for me maybe too much happened in life, or maybe my mind has already been with suicide for too long. .

I will take the first chance I get. thank you all for being such amazing people. Quite honestly it will probably be a few months before I'm actually left alone considering the baby is highly attached to me.

sorry for typos I am voice texting and don't have contacts in so I can't see it all

 

[Ghost2211]

I don't understand, so in general your husband wants to leave cause you're sick, right? And now he offers you to be together, but you don't want because....?

Would you want someone that left you, replaced you, told you they will never love you again, threatened to take your kids, and put you through emotional hell?

Someone that only sees your value after they've stripped it all away and made you feel like trash will never truly care for you. They are doing it for themself driven by fear of loss or guilt. Once everything blows over they are likely to assume you manipulated them into taking you back especially if they blamed and manipulated you in the past.

I miss him and wish I could have him back, but the man I fell in love with is gone.

Take good care of yourself! Do you have irl support? I'm concerned because of his patterns of behavior that he may use this against you somehow, especially when you are vulnerable, numb, and need to recover. Take whatever space you need, but know that folks are here for you if you need us.

I have a therapist and my grandma, but my grandmas advice is basically to cook the meals he likes, keep the house spotless, and swallow his penis and mistreatment simultaneously. She's 93 and very old fashioned about a woman's role.

 

[S1mpleme]

Would you want someone that left you, replaced you, told you they will never love you again, threatened to take your kids, and put you through emotional hell?

Someone that only sees your value after they've stripped it all away and made you feel like trash will never truly care for you. They are doing it for themself driven by fear of loss or guilt. Once everything blows over they are likely to assume you manipulated them into taking you back especially if they blamed and manipulated you in the past.

I miss him and wish I could have him back, but the man I fell in love with is gone.


I have a therapist and my grandma, but my grandmas advice is basically to cook the meals he likes, keep the house spotless, and swallow his penis and mistreatment simultaneously. She's 93 and very old fashioned about a woman's role.

Nobody wants that. I understand it is hard, but even if he said that to you, it doesn't mean he really feels that way. Does he have other women?

 

[jgm63]

Nobody wants that. I understand it is hard, but even if he said that to you, it doesn't mean he really feels that way. Does he have other women?

We should be careful here. The OP is probably showing wisdom and good judgement. We should not encourage her to drop her guard and go back into a doomed situation, unless there is some evidence that things have really changed.....

 

[Ghost2211]

Nobody wants that. I understand it is hard, but even if he said that to you, it doesn't mean he really feels that way. Does he have other women?

yes, he has a new gf.

We should be careful here. The OP is probably showing wisdom and good judgement. We should not encourage her to drop her guard and go back into a doomed situation, unless there is some evidence that things have really changed.....

Thank you. This is correct advice.Even a suicidal person should have more self respect than to keep going back for more.

 

[Jean4]

Hello beautiful people. I just needed life to take a step back and I needed him to be able to hear me. He was starting to be so cold to me and so uncaring. Every interaction made me just want to CTB faster. I wasn't ready to go just yet my tiny humans still need me. I want to CTB not get run over by it.

in someways I hoped that talking to someone honestly about how I was feeling, or someone wanting me to not die would change how I feel but it didn't. Nothing he say.s gets through, and quite frankly at this point I'm just waiting for an opportunity away from the baby to end it all maybe it is just too late for me maybe too much happened in life, or maybe my mind has already been with suicide for too long. .

I will take the first chance I get. thank you all for being such amazing people. Quite honestly it will probably be a few months before I'm actually left alone considering the baby is highly attached to me.

sorry for typos I am voice texting and don't have contacts in so I can't see it all

I understand what you are feeling. There is no rush to do anything. Know also. We are here. We understand how you are feeling, we are here for you, and we are listening should you need to vent.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Even a suicidal person should have more self respect than to keep going back for more.

So nice I gotta love it twice!