spiraling

[kitbarks]

sorry for the english,holy shit, everything is going down so fast, i´ve been struggling to find a job for years, but everytime i think im close, they close the door on me because of my incompetence, i got a job at a bakery but i was so slow, that the owner fired me, he said it was because there was too many employes but i know he just said that to be nice because he is friend with my mother, after that i tried to work as an video editor to my friend but he hated my edits so he kicked me, i just got sick and lost an opportunity to talk to a friend that i havent spoken in a while, and now he is busy, and i really wanted to talk to him, but i got sick for an entire week, and after i've got "better" i still feel an fever, but my tempeture is okay, i dont know what this is, been feeling this awful fever for about 3 weeks now, i hate this feeling, i was afraid that if i drank something, would get sick again, got into a fight with my mom, stayed at my grandma house for a few days but everything still weird, got a gig tomorrow and avoided drinking all week for fear that i would get sick,but yestesday just got this sick feeling that i could not avoid, tried to get out with another friend to feel better, it helped, until today, so i said fuck it, and bought 2 beers, i am drinking right now, i really tried to avoid cause i wanted to be good for tomorrow but this fever just wont stop so i said fuck it, i think i will be sick tomorrow, if i lose this gig, i am not gonna hear the end of it, probably gonna catch the bus,dont know, just why, i dont know, i just feel so fucked by chance, i try my best, but cant just fit in normal life, maybe im not made to do this,by "this"i meant living, i dont wanna live as a cockroach, i wanna have my own life, but i feel like that is impossible due to the way i am, just feel like dying all day.

 

[blackbeauty]

I understand you

It's really unfortunate you got sick at a time when you're trying really hard to secure a job !

Also, a fever for 3 weeks sounds really long, can you go to the doctors to get that checked out? I hope you get better soon but I'd recommend not drinking while you have a fever though. I know it helps with the emotional pain but likely to slow down your recovery time.

You are not a cockroach, just a human being that's trying their best to make the most of life with the cards they've been dealt. Hope you take it easy on yourself.

 

[NonEssential]

As someone who has never managed to find employment, I feel like I'd ctb the moment I'd ever get fired lol.

 

[kitbarks]

As someone who has never managed to find employment, I feel like I'd ctb the moment I'd ever get fired lol.

man,after i got fired i spent all the money of my last salary on drinks, it really fucks you up