Does anyone feels like their soul just wondering around? Like everything came collapsing down as teen and you just a lost soul wondering around? Because that's how I feel. Like I have no purpose in this world, it's like why am I here?
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escape_from_hell
Experienced
- Feb 22, 2024
- 275
Yes, not only my soul by my physical aspect as well. I have spent literally years physically wandering around: parks, traveling, etc. Travel used to seem fun. Looking back, I see I would literally just wander around areas aimlessly, taking some kind of pleasure in the 'beauty around me' but have anhedonia now so it feels like nothing. More like just being trapped. Have to move legs and arms and pilot some animal body to travel through terrain with various visuals. Internally it's much the same, looking at the thoughts and feelings (mostly despair) of a dull mind.
After not having much genuine interaction with people they also just seem like animated pieces of the otherwise inanimate terrain I wander. Speech and communication itself is bizarre and pointless. Making any statement, you're just sharing observations. "This tastes good." "The sky is gray today, maybe it will rain." "I feel lonely." Used to get some temporary social presence boost from this type of thing but I feel distant now. Just wandering all dimensions, the space, time, and emotions, without possibility of fulfillment.
But when I stop wandering the anxiety and panic and misery intensifies.
Wandering through and witnessing hell.
After not having much genuine interaction with people they also just seem like animated pieces of the otherwise inanimate terrain I wander. Speech and communication itself is bizarre and pointless. Making any statement, you're just sharing observations. "This tastes good." "The sky is gray today, maybe it will rain." "I feel lonely." Used to get some temporary social presence boost from this type of thing but I feel distant now. Just wandering all dimensions, the space, time, and emotions, without possibility of fulfillment.
But when I stop wandering the anxiety and panic and misery intensifies.
Wandering through and witnessing hell.
Yep, for over thirty years now. Should've ctb when I sixteen.
