Venting Sorry I flooded this forum with stupid questions/vents.

[buscatchers]

Today is the day, I'm going through with my stupid plan of mixing bleach + ammonia. I hope that it won't make my car explode, I want my car to be given to my boyfriend. I'm a selfish asshole because I promised him that I wouldn't abandon him, too bad that I'm an inadequate piece of shit. He already lost someone to suicide before, this would devastate him. If I knew months ago that I was actually going to go through with suicide, rather than fantasizing about it, I would've not wasted his time by getting to know each other.

I'm such a pussy that I wish I had someone to hold my hand during it. I've lost the ability to cry two years ago after starting hormones, and I'm shedding tears now (albeit I still can't cry.) I never made a will before, I'm sure the police will confiscate my phone and journal that I'll have with me in my car. I wish I gave him my savings the night prior, but that would've been suspicious.

I'm about to head to Walmart now to grab the supplies, then I'm driving to the location where I'll be doing it.

I'm terrified of the pain and possibly ending up a vegetable, I really hope that I'm not going to be saved. It's such a stupid method but I have no other option. I'm too much of a bitch ass pussy to hang myself. I understand that it will be an agonizing death but I don't exactly have a better method, despite looking over the thread of methods.

 

[EternalShore]

See ya~
Also, I'm not sure why you want to ctb, so I can't know whether it's truly your best option or not, however do feel like staying around for a little while longer for his sake if need be.

 

[FuneralCry]

That method truly sounds horrific, and I know that anything involving bleach isn't the best idea for ctb, but anyway it's up to you deciding what method, I hope you find freedom from your suffering. And as well as that ctb isn't really "selfish" as none of us are obligated to continue staying here and if someone dies there's nothing selfish about that as people die everyday, we all have to die and lose everything someday, it's all we are destined for, but anyway best wishes.