I can't believe how much I've lost my ever-loving mind and my hating heart.
Or my hating mind and my loving heart EITHER WAY I can feel the sting of losing my passion
life has been a wild rollercoaster but sometimes the park was closed.
Or did it have the trajectory of a boomerang except this time you didn't throw
Or a yo-yo this time I didn't just say yo
No one is playing anymore
But we are still fooling themselves
I fear the ending to our beginning
And the beginning to our ending
I hope something will start to end up alright
Or end before the start of what could be not right
The bad times.. I've experienced and observed things I dare not explain
Or
I'll try to express the unexplainable
The good times... Bittersweet
To think the bad used to hurt more
Why is the start behind me and the end ahead of me
Let me see some good before I depart
I yearn to relive the extraordinary
I mourn the mundane moments
I want it all
I've lived in both wealth and poverty.
I know about gain and loss.
New beginnings and endings
Birth and death
The circle of life
I've been innocent while called guilty
I've been flawed while running from myself
I've stood in place and reflected back on both
I've had a poker face while dealt the toughest hand. So stoic you wouldn't even know it. I was feeling it all.
Bluffed when I didnt know if we were playing old maid or go fish, you called it a spade.
I've cried over spilt milk. Overreacted but not cared. You thought it bothered me. It was something else but also I was really just thirsty, that was kinda a big deal.
I've been fearless at times I should've been scared
I've been terrified like an elephant seeing a mouse
I've stood up to monsters while being afraid of my own shadow
What difference does it make?
I was selfless when I should've put myself first
I've been selfish when I should've done more
I was silent when I should've spoke up
I couldn't shut up when I should have
I didn't live up to my potential most the time
Other times I didn't give myself credit for things I should've been proud of
I have believed lies
I held disbelief in truths
I have been hurt by both when I discovered the opposite to be so
What to make of my undecided disposition
I have missed opportunities
Other times no opportunities arose
I've been lazy when I should've tried harder
I've overworked myself when I should've kicked back
I have used the fear of death to live
I have lived to meet death
Ironic how these missteps could've changed everything and nothing.
Could it have made a difference?
Some things were out of my control
Other things I should've controlled
I've had too much time on my hands
Not enough time on my feet
I've been lost at sea with the map in my hands
I've steered the ship to new land
The calm before the storm
The storm before the calm then repeat
I've depended on the inconsistent
I've been consistent with the undependable
And vice versa
I've been undependable to the consistent
Inconsistent to the dependable
Hey tomato
Don't, you mean tomato?
Predicted the unpredictable
Missed the predictable
But who's to actually know all variables
Weighed the cons
Let the pros be weightless
Two sides to a tipping scale
I've seen beauty in the ugly
And missed the ugly in the beauty
I've been solid as a rock
Soft as a marshmallow
I've been the passenger when I should've taken the wheel
But I probably would've just done donuts in the parking lot at dark. WEEE
Who needs a destination
I've watched you speed off "beep beep CYA" then come back to do it again "beep beep HI"
And gone again
Ive been at the wrong place right time
I've been at the right place wrong time
Where was I even supposed to be and when?
Strange how these missteps could've been me flipping the script
But I accept that some of it couldn't have been changed. History repeats itself...
Fantasy rewrites ourselves
I haven't seen nearly enough
But I've seen too much
I wanted to see it all
I wanted to know it all
I've wanted to know nothing
Now I just want to be comfortable not knowing more than I could've known
Ive been smart
Ive been stupid
You so stupidly watched my brain explode when you could've been smart
How stupid of you to think you were smarter than me
Sometimes yes, sometimes no
We couldve been smart enough to just admit we don't know
Mostly I've procrastinated
But I've rushed at the last minute
Why didn't we just relax and make the best of our time
We could've enjoyed doing nothing
We could've enjoyed doing everything we hadn't done before
Stubborns creatures, DOH!
maybe in an alternate reality the timing works out
Maybe in another life we won't be such hard-headed beings and get to know eachother as strangers, we are softer than before
Wouldn't it be nice to be someone else familiar with who we were last time
We would finally be the cool kids in school
Maybe this is the pretty ugly beautiful disaster we were supposed to live.
Maybe it was all supposed to be pretty different. Who's to say how it all would've presented
had we known what we didn't and did what we knew.
Could we somehow make sense of this nonsense
Am I as confused as a chameleon in a bag of skittles
Or sure as a pig in shit
Do I want to go back in time
Or do I want time to end it
Or my hating mind and my loving heart EITHER WAY I can feel the sting of losing my passion
life has been a wild rollercoaster but sometimes the park was closed.
Or did it have the trajectory of a boomerang except this time you didn't throw
Or a yo-yo this time I didn't just say yo
No one is playing anymore
But we are still fooling themselves
I fear the ending to our beginning
And the beginning to our ending
I hope something will start to end up alright
Or end before the start of what could be not right
The bad times.. I've experienced and observed things I dare not explain
Or
I'll try to express the unexplainable
The good times... Bittersweet
To think the bad used to hurt more
Why is the start behind me and the end ahead of me
Let me see some good before I depart
I yearn to relive the extraordinary
I mourn the mundane moments
I want it all
I've lived in both wealth and poverty.
I know about gain and loss.
New beginnings and endings
Birth and death
The circle of life
I've been innocent while called guilty
I've been flawed while running from myself
I've stood in place and reflected back on both
I've had a poker face while dealt the toughest hand. So stoic you wouldn't even know it. I was feeling it all.
Bluffed when I didnt know if we were playing old maid or go fish, you called it a spade.
I've cried over spilt milk. Overreacted but not cared. You thought it bothered me. It was something else but also I was really just thirsty, that was kinda a big deal.
I've been fearless at times I should've been scared
I've been terrified like an elephant seeing a mouse
I've stood up to monsters while being afraid of my own shadow
What difference does it make?
I was selfless when I should've put myself first
I've been selfish when I should've done more
I was silent when I should've spoke up
I couldn't shut up when I should have
I didn't live up to my potential most the time
Other times I didn't give myself credit for things I should've been proud of
I have believed lies
I held disbelief in truths
I have been hurt by both when I discovered the opposite to be so
What to make of my undecided disposition
I have missed opportunities
Other times no opportunities arose
I've been lazy when I should've tried harder
I've overworked myself when I should've kicked back
I have used the fear of death to live
I have lived to meet death
Ironic how these missteps could've changed everything and nothing.
Could it have made a difference?
Some things were out of my control
Other things I should've controlled
I've had too much time on my hands
Not enough time on my feet
I've been lost at sea with the map in my hands
I've steered the ship to new land
The calm before the storm
The storm before the calm then repeat
I've depended on the inconsistent
I've been consistent with the undependable
And vice versa
I've been undependable to the consistent
Inconsistent to the dependable
Hey tomato
Don't, you mean tomato?
Predicted the unpredictable
Missed the predictable
But who's to actually know all variables
Weighed the cons
Let the pros be weightless
Two sides to a tipping scale
I've seen beauty in the ugly
And missed the ugly in the beauty
I've been solid as a rock
Soft as a marshmallow
I've been the passenger when I should've taken the wheel
But I probably would've just done donuts in the parking lot at dark. WEEE
Who needs a destination
I've watched you speed off "beep beep CYA" then come back to do it again "beep beep HI"
And gone again
Ive been at the wrong place right time
I've been at the right place wrong time
Where was I even supposed to be and when?
Strange how these missteps could've been me flipping the script
But I accept that some of it couldn't have been changed. History repeats itself...
Fantasy rewrites ourselves
I haven't seen nearly enough
But I've seen too much
I wanted to see it all
I wanted to know it all
I've wanted to know nothing
Now I just want to be comfortable not knowing more than I could've known
Ive been smart
Ive been stupid
You so stupidly watched my brain explode when you could've been smart
How stupid of you to think you were smarter than me
Sometimes yes, sometimes no
We couldve been smart enough to just admit we don't know
Mostly I've procrastinated
But I've rushed at the last minute
Why didn't we just relax and make the best of our time
We could've enjoyed doing nothing
We could've enjoyed doing everything we hadn't done before
Stubborns creatures, DOH!
maybe in an alternate reality the timing works out
Maybe in another life we won't be such hard-headed beings and get to know eachother as strangers, we are softer than before
Wouldn't it be nice to be someone else familiar with who we were last time
We would finally be the cool kids in school
Maybe this is the pretty ugly beautiful disaster we were supposed to live.
Maybe it was all supposed to be pretty different. Who's to say how it all would've presented
had we known what we didn't and did what we knew.
Could we somehow make sense of this nonsense
Am I as confused as a chameleon in a bag of skittles
Or sure as a pig in shit
Do I want to go back in time
Or do I want time to end it
