Sometimes it is just okay to be there for someone and to listen without judging

[noname223]

Maybe this is not in every case right but in the circumstances I had in mind. There is a person I thought about when formulating the title.

There is a girl I know. I think many therapists treat her as a lost case. Many people have lost the patience with her. She is really very ill. She always stops to take her anti-manic medication and gets a rebound mania. (Not sure if you call it like that). it is kind of pathological behavior. Not sure how often she repeated this now. I think it is yearly for a long time period.

I know she has problems to find a new therapist. Noone wants to work with her because she refuses medication. She often endangers herself. Sometimes she gets psychotic and thinks she has to kill herself. One of her therapists could intervene shortly before she did it. She does not want to die. She loves life. This is what she expresses. It is rather her delusional mind which is very suicidal. Moreover she did insanely dangerous stuff during her manias. Like dancing on the street. She said there almost was a crash once. I think she experienced traumata during her last mania. I suspect she got raped or sexually molested. She did not want to say it openly but left some hints.

I know some people who abandoned her. They called her a hopeless case. And they were annoyed by her behavior: I know a therpaist of her. I like him. But I think he suffers a lot due to her. I think they are pretty desperate. They tried everything to convince her to take longterm medication but she does not do that. I think a happy end is very unlikely. It is way more likely she gets accidentally killed.

I think some people who abandoned her just don't want to be confronted with so much negativity. I am not sure how I shall feel about it. Partly I can understand it it is self-protection but on the other hand it is kind of cheap to leave her. Just looking away when there is a person who needs help.

I also tried to convince her to take longterm medication. Yeah that is (almost???) impossible. To be honest it must be horrible to carry the responsibilty when she is your patient as a professional. I also feel sorry for them.

Now to the statement to the title. I like her too much to abandon her. I would find it hypocritical to leave her behind. My friends also care for me despite the fact I probably gonna kill myself in the future. LIke constructive longterm help for her is almost impossible I think. But I am friendly to her. I ask how she is doing. She often kind of delusional and really manic. But I try to treat her with respect. I try to be prepared in case the kills herself or gets killed. It is kind of difficult tbh. I try to keep in mind that this is an option what could happen.

I don't want to act like a saint. We don't have so much contact. But sometimes we chat. I care more than other people for her. It is really a sad story. But I think despite the fact I cannot give her a solution for her problems it is good that I listen to her. Social-isolation could be counterproductive for her.

I also try not to spend too much energy. I also try to protect me. When it is too much for much for me I try to keep distance. Though it is much harder because we know us in real life.

What do you think about it?

 

[ReflectionOfTrauma]

I think it has to be difficult for you and I am quite impressed of you, you are a good person

 

[noname223]

I think it has to be difficult for you and I am quite impressed of you, you are a good person

I am kind of surprised that it is not a bigger burden for me. I always have in mind that I also have a very horrible/nightmarish fate. (Having to kill myself due to child abuse.) This thought gives me strength to look into the abyss. Like Nietzsche would say.
It helps me to keep a certain distance to unbelievable suffering. I experienced very cynical and horrible things in my life. Life cannot surprise me with its cruelty. I think many people want to ignore that side of life. This is why some people look away from suffering people.

Not sure how much her suicide/death might traumatize me. I think I try to be prepared (if you can be that). Her behavior is going on for several years. There is really barely hope for an happy end. Everything just repeats and repeats. It looks like the situation is even becoming worse and worse. During her last mania she started to take hardcore drugs. And then this potential rape happened.

When I talk to her she replies she loves life or things like that. She seems to enjoy her frequent manias a lot. I think it is still absolutely horrible if she died. But at least she would die with a laughing heart. Yeah this is something I try to tell myself to lessen the impact. Not sure about the ethics behind that thought.

I feel quite unable to change the outcome anyway. And I am kind of glad about it. I couldn't carry the responsibility if I had this power.

 

[ReflectionOfTrauma]

I also noticed that people who are traumatized seem to be prepared for much more cruelty from this world than another people. The funny thing is, I believe that this is also a significant reason of such a big number of suicides. Like in your or my case, we seem to be so good at avoiding things that may hurt us, that we (it's just my guess) are also unable to see all the beauty around us. We freed ourselves from ignorance's bliss and now we look at world through much more genuine way.
Or it might just be depression, who knows

Also I think that her potential suicide may have impact on your view of life and death, but I am unable to say if you are in position of possibility of recovering from your traumas or not. Nevertheless I hope you'll recover from it

 

[noname223]

Currently I worry about her. She was not online for quite a while. I think there are two possible scenarios.
The first one: she lost her phone, gave it away for free (as I said she is delusional), or someone stole it from her. We have to hope for that first scenario.

The second is: she is dead. Like she might have killed herself during her psychosis or she had an accident. As I said she makes really dangerous things when she is delusional.

The positive thing is: the first scenario is I think way more likely.

But I am still a little bit scared....I wonder how I could find out the truth. I know a therapist of her. Maybe he could tell me the truth. I have the feeling it will take a while before I will find out the truth.

I hope for the best. As always in her case. I am really stressed out due to some other things. I don't have much energy to spend on worrying about her. To be honest due to the fact that the likelihood of a stolen smartphone is way higher it is not such a burden for me. If I always ruminated about her I would have to do it 24/7. She is like always a danger for herself. I hope her therapists handle it well. It must be quite an insane responsibility being her longtime therapist.