SpiderMolt
Member
- Jun 10, 2024
- 12
Sometimes (usually during manic or depressive episodes) I just feel so wrong and bad inside that I wish death sounded more appealing. I wish it could get to the point where I say "I can't take it anymore" and then finally put an end to it. I feel horrible and gross, I need it to end, but death doesn't seem like the best solution for me. I'm not scared of dying, I guess I just don't want to? But I feel weird for wishing that I wanted to.
Though, there's part of me that actually enjoys feeling like this. It's weird, I know, but I love to suffer. I blame me being a masochist on my trauma tbh. These feelings can get really bad at times, but it's never "too much" for me. I wish I was suicidal more than I wish for these feelings to stop. I'm not sure if I even want them to stop. It feels wrong(?) to wish these things and I just hate it. I don't know what to do or if I want to do something about it. But whatever, I'll live through it lol
Though, there's part of me that actually enjoys feeling like this. It's weird, I know, but I love to suffer. I blame me being a masochist on my trauma tbh. These feelings can get really bad at times, but it's never "too much" for me. I wish I was suicidal more than I wish for these feelings to stop. I'm not sure if I even want them to stop. It feels wrong(?) to wish these things and I just hate it. I don't know what to do or if I want to do something about it. But whatever, I'll live through it lol
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