Antidepressants made me less suicidal

[msesis]

On SSRIs. Not sure if good thing, but I feel less desire to ctb. Doesn't help with life circumstances at all though. Sometimes I wish I was more suicidal so I could do things on impulse. Now I'm just numb... As my life falls apart..

 

[enduringwinter]

Yeah speaking as a "mentally healthy" person it sucks ngl. I think all the definitions in mental health are fucked up honestly. There were days where so many life altering awful crap happened to me at once that I'm sure if I were any less "healthy" I would have ended it cleanly and not suffered needlessly dragging on this useless existence as nothing but a burden to everyone and myself.

 

[msesis]

Yeah speaking as a "mentally healthy" person it sucks ngl. I think all the definitions in mental health are fucked up honestly. There were days where so many life altering awful crap happened to me at once that I'm sure if I were any less "healthy" I would have ended it cleanly and not suffered needlessly dragging on this useless existence as nothing but a burden to everyone and myself.

Yeah. Sometimes I see people break down then get help but I've been "keeping myself together" for so long I tolerate things maybe I shouldn't. But then again, when I do break down, things can get worse, or I just start wanting to ctb

 

[Timothy7dff]

SSRI are meant to alleviate depression. They're not meant to fix your life. Sounds like they're working for you.

 

[Cress]

Yeah the effectiveness of SSRI's all depends on the person. Recently I got the Genome DNA test that they do to test your receptor levels for SSRI's and various Medication compatibility. Turns out the vast majority of medications I've tried I don't even have receptors for And my Psychiatrist said it made sense That so many of my past medications haven't worked very well. It all just depends on mostly your genes and how the biology of your brain is set up.

Either way I'm happy that you're getting some amount of relief using the medications no one deserves to suffer and I really wish you all the best.

 

[awaitinglove]

oh my god I'm going through the same thing except I'm on welbutrin lol. I feel so fake like I want to cry, but nothing comes out. I feel numb too but not in the ways I used to feel numb. I feel like I feel so much but it's all trapped inside me with no escape and it's frustrating because all I want is to let it out. I miss being so depressed and having intense suicidal thoughts because at least it gave me the choice to let everything out. Now, I feel so fake. Even though my medication is helping ease the depression, I can't picture myself dying any other way than suicide. I find so much comfort in depression and suicide.

 

[galier]

I want to cry, but nothing comes out. I feel numb too but not in the ways I used to feel numb. I feel like I feel so much but it's all trapped inside me with no escape and it's frustrating because all I want is to let it out. I miss being so depressed and having intense suicidal thoughts because at least it gave me the choice to let everything out.

I feel exactly the same way. I feel that it makes no sense not to be able to feel what I am supposed to feel, and in my case it also makes me more afraid of cbt, which I hate, because before starting the medication I was totally and completely sure of and not afraid to go through with it, and given my circumstances I can't ¨allow¨ myself to live.