Sometimes I feel superior to normies because I don't fear death

[noname223]

Of course I am most of the time rational enough to see what a loser and wreck I am. And the process of dying and dealing with SI is still pretty scary.
However there are some moments I feel as mentioned in the title. I once flew with some friends in a plane. They were scared becaues they heard stories in the media about plane crashes. I could absolutely not relate to their feelings. I made jokes about it and was absolutely neutral about such an event. I made jokes I would livestream that event when all were scared as shit and I would be calm.
I was young at this age. When I now reflect on it I need to say of course it would be horrible for all the innocent people. But for me personally it would be a huge benefit when something like that happened to me. Just an event which I had no inluence on that kills me. I hate the responsibility when it comes to living or commiting suicide.

Always when I hear my dad talking about his transience I find it very weird and sometimes pathetic. He whines about the fact that he might do not have much more time to live...yeah I have told him a lot of my suicidal thoughts he never takes them seriously...I pretty much doubt I will ever reach his age. And even if I my life qualiity would have been abyssmal compared to his. He should rather feel sorry for the abuse and which torture I have to endure due to the actions of my parents...
yeah but instead he whines that covid might kill him despite the fact he is vaccinated...I wish covid would kill me. It would be a gift even if it was painful I would take it...
He abosutely does not have any clue what they did to me...he is very ignorant..I have told him everything but he rather scapegoats innocent people...

I just recognize this is kind of off-topic...

When people talk about their fear of life-threatning diseases I always think why can't that happen to me. I know it is a stupid idea because it is very painful. But a part of just wants to die without making the choice by myself. Though if I would get it and be even more tortured by extreme pain I would probably regret my wish...

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not fear death, instead I fear this life as there is unlimited potential for suffering, there is no limit as to how bad things can get. I also fear failing the method and that is what holds me back from ctb. I actually quite look forward to death, I just want to be free from this horrible existence. There really is no point to fearing death as it is inevitable for us all anyway.

 

[waitingforrest]

I sometimes think that the reason I am so miserable is partly due to the fact that I am too aware of the shit that happens in the world.

I can't understand how normies can go on with their day without thinking about the suffering of people less fortunate. I can't help but think about that random stranger begging for money on the streets. I can't even seem to just drive by and forget.

I can agree with what you said about the plane story. I find it hard to worry about death because I think about it on the daily. I guess normies aren't used to the thought of death as much as suicidal people are. Or that they are sheltered from the harsh reality of the world.

 

[Death is beautiful]

I feel you, it's very difficult to commit suicide, it would be easier if I got sick with something deadly, as you said, it can be painful, but I'm willing to accept some pain just not to kill myself

 

[Callie Arcale]

I have reached a point where I don't fear Death at all. It's been my companion for such a long time, I feel as familiar with it as the I do with the back of my hand. In my darkest hours the thought of Death was my only comfort. And for that I am grateful.

When it's time to go I will greet Death with a smile.

 

[luvnyunyu]

My friend had been telling me that they keep overthinking by the possibility that the world is ending in the near future, and it's creeping the hell out of them..but honestly, i feel the exact opposite! I really want to see the doomsday happening and then die by it since my SA keeps on failing, feels nice to give it to fate (and keeps me from getting my hands dirty!) if only it's that easy. However, of course i can't say that to them seriously, instead i just play it off as a humor.

It's the same as we couldn't relate to their fear, non-suicidal people also might be couldn't relate to our sentiment about death. As something that certainly will happen to all of the living, a process in life. So, no point to fear it (but damn you SI!).

Well, "death" topics can also be a taboo conversation for some people (like talking about You-Know-Who in Harry Potter)...sigh... why can't people just accept that some people just don't want to live anymore?

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I nearly choked the other day - I had some food stuck in my food pipe and I kept chugging water to unblock it, but it didn't unblock, and the water got to the back of my mouth and started to drown me - in that panicked moment I though, 'I don't care if I die, but please, not like this, at least let me go unconscious' - it made me realize I'm not scared of dying now, because I've been thinking about it for too long, but what does still scare me is HOW I'll die, and the discomfort I'll feel. It made me realize that the best way for me is to be sedated, but in a situation where the sedation is what causes the next and final step - i.e. I fall off a chair because of the sedation, and that causes something else to happen.

 

[whatevs]

I am not actively suicidal nor I want to be, but like you from a very tender age I was more wary of life and less spooked by death than other people. I think it just comes down to experiencing existence differently. For those that are enjoying themselves it must be a terrifying thought to leave the scene. For me, I fear death but not nearly as much as the normal people I know. It would be kinda like "yeah, it wasn't that great either way, you know?", lol.

 

[PreussenBlueJay]

I am not actively suicidal nor I want to be, but like you from a very tender age I was more wary of life and less spooked by death than other people. I think it just comes down to experiencing existence differently. For those that are enjoying themselves it must be a terrifying thought to leave the scene. For me, I fear death but not nearly as much as the normal people I know. It would be kinda like "yeah, it wasn't that great either way, you know?", lol.

Thank goodness I never won a lot of money because then I would lose a lot upon death. I still get a floaty feeling every time I remember that everything I've ever known is from this one existence, nothing from outside. So basically we're all just renters and not owners of our lives. Nice to know I don't own all the cringe I've committed.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Of course I am most of the time rational enough to see what a loser and wreck I am. And the process of dying and dealing with SI is still pretty scary.
However there are some moments I feel as mentioned in the title. I once flew with some friends in a plane. They were scared becaues they heard stories in the media about plane crashes. I could absolutely not relate to their feelings. I made jokes about it and was absolutely neutral about such an event. I made jokes I would livestream that event when all were scared as shit and I would be calm.
I was young at this age. When I now reflect on it I need to say of course it would be horrible for all the innocent people. But for me personally it would be a huge benefit when something like that happened to me. Just an event which I had no inluence on that kills me. I hate the responsibility when it comes to living or commiting suicide.

Always when I hear my dad talking about his transience I find it very weird and sometimes pathetic. He whines about the fact that he might do not have much more time to live...yeah I have told him a lot of my suicidal thoughts he never takes them seriously...I pretty much doubt I will ever reach his age. And even if I my life qualiity would have been abyssmal compared to his. He should rather feel sorry for the abuse and which torture I have to endure due to the actions of my parents...
yeah but instead he whines that covid might kill him despite the fact he is vaccinated...I wish covid would kill me. It would be a gift even if it was painful I would take it...
He abosutely does not have any clue what they did to me...he is very ignorant..I have told him everything but he rather scapegoats innocent people...

I just recognize this is kind of off-topic...

When people talk about their fear of life-threatning diseases I always think why can't that happen to me. I know it is a stupid idea because it is very painful. But a part of just wants to die without making the choice by myself. Though if I would get it and be even more tortured by extreme pain I would probably regret my wish...

Imo we are superior to normies. We see reality more accurately .

I don't fear death for many reasons but just one is that after death nothing can ever hurt me because i won't exist anymore . No life no pain no problems .