Sometimes I am proud that I can deceive some people into thinking I was successful

[noname223]

I cannot deceive all people. As I just stated in another thread some people recognize my social awkwardness. I am studying only part-time. Most people don't know that. Sometimes they are kind astonished I know so many details of the different subjects. I think some people are impressed by it.
Moreover I am good in deceiving people I was extraordinarily smart. Some really think that. And the funny part is: Many of these people are probably smarter than me.

I like it they don't see how much of a mental wreck I am. How much I am innerly broken. How empty and sad I feel every single day. Sometimes I want recognition but it depends on the circumstances and the right people.

Though many people in the future will see me in courses which they already passed and my fraudulent behavior will be exposed. I am scared about that. I am so scared what other people think of me. I hope these people will forget me. I hope this so much.

TIme at college will get pretty tough. Even way harder than it is currently and I am already close to collapsing. Things won't improve for me. I rather have the feeling the worst is yet to come and there are many signs that this is the truth.

 

[whatevs]

You are intelligent, IMO. Neurological prowess, analytical tendency. These normies aren't deceived in that. Obviously they are in how disabling your mental issues are.

 

[Sibyl Vane]

You're very articulate in your words, and the way you detail your opinions in your threads shows that you have an understanding of what you speak rather than mere information, which is a rare occurrence nowadays. Also, even if you believe you're not smart enough, you have to admit that it takes a certain level of sagacity to be able to deceive people that you are, especially if you deem them to be smarter than you.

Lastly, It's great that you're doing your best to pursue a formal education despite the difficulties you face. I hope your predictions don't reveal themselves to be true and that you manage to beat the odds and achieve improvement.