Venting Someone wake me up from this nightmare

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Currently listening to Disorder by Joy Division, which I think is appropriate for obvious reasons. I have so, so much unfinished work. I can´t possibly graduate 12th grade. It´s not that I´m stupid or lazy, it´s that I just can´t seem to focus on anything except the thoughts in my head. Life isn´t fair. People only care if you´re some pretty skinny white girl. Me? I´m an ugly, fat trans guy with no redeeming qualities. I´m at the end of my rope. I´m so tired all the time. I have a therapist and loving parents, so I should be happy, right? But I´m not. Because I have no real friends. No SO, no love. That is the only thing that matters. It´s not even that I´m actually suicidal anymore. I don´t want to live, but I don´t want to die.

 

[waterbottleman]

I can't pretend that I know what it's like to be trans in a society that doesn't accept them.

however I can relate with many things you feel. I have loving parents but I too have no friends, have never had anyone love me, and have been misunderstood my whole life. People do not like me and I suspect perceive me to be a bad person with bad intentions even though in reality I've always been an innocent and non judgmental person.

i think people cannot understand me because I'm autistic so its really difficult for me to pick up on all these non verbal ques in social settings that people take for granted. i remember reading one person say that being autistic is like being a robot and a little kid at the same time. That blew me away because it encompasses how I feel so much about myself. I may come across as some cold calculating robot to people, but deep down I'm innocent and have child like purity with my feelings.

so whatever it's worth, I get how you feel. It really sucks and is horrible being repulsive to people when you know deep down in your heart that you're a good person with no ill will.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Currently listening to Disorder by Joy Division, which I think is appropriate for obvious reasons. I have so, so much unfinished work. I can´t possibly graduate 12th grade. It´s not that I´m stupid or lazy, it´s that I just can´t seem to focus on anything except the thoughts in my head. Life isn´t fair. People only care if you´re some pretty skinny white girl. Me? I´m an ugly, fat trans guy with no redeeming qualities. I´m at the end of my rope. I´m so tired all the time. I have a therapist and loving parents, so I should be happy, right? But I´m not. Because I have no real friends. No SO, no love. That is the only thing that matters. It´s not even that I´m actually suicidal anymore. I don´t want to live, but I don´t want to die.

When you're out of high school you're going to be free to find people who love and care about you. I don't think anyone is really in love when they're 17. You have a loving family so start there. I know you don't want to die but life is very hard. I know that even though we don't suffer from the same problems. Because I feel the same way and I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. I have a trans cousin. I also understand how much love matters to you. I got sick at 20 with a severely painful chronic nerve condition and I never got to experience it. I'm 34 now. But you have so much time and if you're healthy that's even better! I hope you can look past your last year in high school and see that there are going to be people who you'll meet who will love you and you'll love them back. Believe me, people don't care ONLY if you're a pretty skinny white girl. Race has nothing to due with it. Do you know your brain isn't even done developing yet? I remember talking with you before. You're name is something that I can't forget haha. I can't imagine how hard it is being trans in this world that we live in so I'm not going to try and make it like I understand. Because I can't stand when people tell me that they know EXACTLY what I'm going through. I want to say, get in my body and see if you know what I'm going through. But I'm sure you have so many wonderful qualities. In my opinion love is love no matter what. I hope you can hang in there until you graduate and make your own life for yourself with people in it that truly care for you.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm 33 now and would like to wake up at 17 and this has all been a nightmare. When you reach that age you might be very glad you made this post. I didn't, could have saved my life

 

[waterbottleman]

I'm 33 now and would like to wake up at 17 and this has all been a nightmare. When you reach that age you might be very glad you made this post. I didn't, could have saved my life

ha no kidding.

wish I was 19 again, first year of college and best year of my entire life. To say I was happy then would be an understatement. It all went downhill for me as I went through college and was pressured to pick a major and career when I had no clue what I wanted to do with my life.

I've never recovered since then, I've merely alternated between ok years and bad years, this year being the worst of all.