The guilt of abandoning my partner is so heavy and terrible, she is a really sweet empathetic girl and is trying really hard to keep me here. It's not her fault but there's nothing more she can do, I don't have a future and I must go soon. I'm going to leave her a note saying how grateful I am for her but that there is nothing that could've stopped this. I just want her to be okay in the end, this is holding me from peace
I'm sorry you're at this point. Tho i would really want to tell you she will be, we won't know how our loved one's would react once we ctb. Best is to hope that they could move on fast.
It's painful, I never want to cause pain to others but I can not keep going. The longer I postpone the more time I'm taking away from her healing
アホペンギン
…
- Jul 10, 2023
- 2,199
There is no predicting how your significant other will feel after you leave her, its only up to her and how well she is capable of getting over deaths. I'm so sorry you're worried for her about this which is making you very perturbed about ctb and causes you to stay here while you are only yearning for peace. I hope your note will make her more at ease with the fact that you're gone and again, i'm sorry that you've landed in such a hard situation to escape. I hope you'll figure something out soon, I send you and your significant other my best regards, I hope you can work something out.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,293
It must be a difficult situation to be in, but anyway I do believe a note saying those things could bring some closure. I bet that eventually most of us won't even exist in the memories of those who continue to stay here, as humans we are just destined to be forgotten about, we all have to die someday and it isn't like anything could concern us once we are finally free from existence.
I appreciate your kind words
That's true, I hope she is able to move on and have a family and a happy marriage one day. I honestly want nothing more
dialogos
Experienced
- Jul 5, 2023
- 266
Well I can't forget about the cruelty done to me and also the love shown to me. JMO
Its rare to find someone who loves you so much. I'm glad that before you go, you were blessed that much.
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strawberry_lemons
Feel free to contact me <3
- Aug 29, 2023
- 134
Everyone deals with it diffrently but as someone who lost my own partner to suicide for the first year i was angry, hurt, distraught but i have gained peace in times to come. he is not my reason for my desire to ctb its just sort of an add on to a list of upsetting things. im sure your partner will slowly heal
no way, i won't tell you false platitudes
thats like me telling you not to ctb because everything will get better. F that
thats like me telling you not to ctb because everything will get better. F that
I am eternally grateful for that atleast. Though right now it feels a bit of a curse because of the extra pain leaving her is causing me
Thank you for this reply, would you be open to chatting a little about it?, Understandable if not as it's a tough subject but maybe I could gain some insight on how to make it ever so slightly better
fair enough
dialogos
Experienced
- Jul 5, 2023
- 266
CTBookOfLife
ᴶᵘˢᵗ ᵃ ˢʰᵉˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᵃ ᵇᵒᵈʸ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐᵃⁿʸ ᵐⁱⁿᵈˢ
- Aug 5, 2023
- 150
jellie
Member
- May 9, 2023
- 96
i would love to be able to tell you that she will be okay, but the loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things humans have to go through. If she is strong, she will get through it. She will likely resent you at first and be angry that you would do this. but it is your journey. as you begin your path toward the end, love her as hard as you can with all of your heart, and know that she loves you too.
She will always remember you and hold you in her heart, which is the most any of us can hope for.
jbear824
F*ck humanity. Let's end this.
- Jul 4, 2023
- 409
I can relate so hard to this OP. my partner is on the autism spectrum, he relies on me. He's not able to be independent. If I ctb, he's all on his own. Plus we're going to be homeless soon. If I ctb, then he has to be homeless all by himself. I can't do that to him. I just can't. I love him with all my being, and it breaks my heart that that love is trapping me into a life of suffering.
I want to die. But I'm sacrificing a potentially more peaceful suicide to die a much more horrible death in homelessness so that he doesn't have to go through it alone. Although I have a lot of fear that I will still die somehow and still leave him all alone and it's destroying my sanity. I care for him so much that it hurts. And the idea of doing anything that hurts him, is only increasing my survival instinct. Which is making me more afraid, more mentally ill, more in pain and more wanting to ctb. But I can't do that and my brain can't reconcile these feelings anymore. I'm hysterical most of the time now and I cry almost every time I look into his eyes.
I want to die. But I'm sacrificing a potentially more peaceful suicide to die a much more horrible death in homelessness so that he doesn't have to go through it alone. Although I have a lot of fear that I will still die somehow and still leave him all alone and it's destroying my sanity. I care for him so much that it hurts. And the idea of doing anything that hurts him, is only increasing my survival instinct. Which is making me more afraid, more mentally ill, more in pain and more wanting to ctb. But I can't do that and my brain can't reconcile these feelings anymore. I'm hysterical most of the time now and I cry almost every time I look into his eyes.
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I'm so sorry that your in the position your in, it really is cruel bring trapped here. I really can relate alot to what you said at the end, I feel the guilt also increases survival instinct. I too feel hysterical most of the time and can barely stomach looking into my partner's eyes. Though for me, I feel as though I will only hold my partner back
StillBreathing
Student
- Dec 4, 2022
- 153
I'm sorry that you are in this situation OP. Since you care about her a lot and want her to move on with someone else, maybe you should explain this to her and end the relationship first? Leaving someone you care about feels horrible, but in this situation I think it is the right thing to do in order to lift some of the weight off her shoulders once you are gone.
