someone tell me how to kms

[3ndmym1sery]

hi, I'm new on this website and I want to die so desperately. Everyday i wake up and its hell. i dont know what to do. i lost 38 pounds by starving myself, i used to be obese and now i'm in the normal category according to my bmi, but my parents are doing everything they can to make me fat again. my dad was in my room for 3 hours yesterday from 2 am to 5 am and he said he wont leave unless i drank the chocolate milk. and hes so weird, and so awful, all he wants is for me to live and i hate him for that. hes always talking about my old self and how much i used to eat and how he misses how i used to be. and it drives me insane because i hate who i used to be so much. i never want to go back to that. i wish they would just leave me alone, but they wont. and i feel so trapped in this situation. they keep saying i need a doctor and i need to get back on the psych meds. but i was on the meds for 2 years and all they did was ruin me. they made me fat and i looked awful. and i was miserable. ive been miserable my whole life. i cant even go outside by myself because i live in pakistan and im a girl. if i want to go outside i need to take my parents with me. i just get in the backseat of their car and we go to the park or the supermarket or something. i dont have any friends, ive never had a boyfriend, and i never went to school after grade 6 so i cant work either. girls cant work in pakistan unless theyre educated. so i spend everyday of my life in my room rotting on this bed alone. its been like this since i was 11 and im 19 now. and i know my life is never gonna change. and i just want to die. but i cant kill myself because i dont have anything to do it with. all i have is a kitchen knife and i know slitting my wrists or throat with it is probably not gonna kill me. plus i have no privacy at all my room door is always open and if my parents see me going to the kitchen theyre gonna ask me what i need and if they see me with a knife theyll know im trying to kms. i dont want this life, i'd rather die than live like this. thats why i joined this website, to see if anyone might know of a way i can kms.

 

[Anon7b8]

Sorry about your situation. Sounds to me is that what you want is to escape not to go away permanently. But i respect your choice. You can look at the resource threads to see what method could apply to you... But most of the things here need you to be alone for an hour or two at least. Maybe you could make partial hanging work...

 

[3ndmym1sery]

Sorry about your situation. Sounds to me is that what you want is to escape not to go away permanently. But i respect your choice. You can look at the resource threads to see what method could apply to you... But most of the things here need you to be alone for an hour or two at least. Maybe you could make partial hanging work...

i dont have anything to hang myself with either, and theyre always there watching me theyll never let me kms

 

[Praestat_Mori]

This is so horrible and incredibly inhumane how your parents treat you. I'm afraid that there will be no methods available when you are never alone for some time. You can read through the threads in the Suicide Resource Compilation to get infos about different methods there.

 

[CW36]

I've never heard of parents being feeders to their own child. There's something seriously wrong with them! It's like they want to purposely cut all options for you aside from being by their side.. Are they insecure or something?

 

[fwompie]

hi, I'm new on this website and I want to die so desperately. Everyday i wake up and its hell. i dont know what to do. i lost 38 pounds by starving myself, i used to be obese and now i'm in the normal category according to my bmi, but my parents are doing everything they can to make me fat again. my dad was in my room for 3 hours yesterday from 2 am to 5 am and he said he wont leave unless i drank the chocolate milk. and hes so weird, and so awful, all he wants is for me to live and i hate him for that. hes always talking about my old self and how much i used to eat and how he misses how i used to be. and it drives me insane because i hate who i used to be so much. i never want to go back to that. i wish they would just leave me alone, but they wont. and i feel so trapped in this situation. they keep saying i need a doctor and i need to get back on the psych meds. but i was on the meds for 2 years and all they did was ruin me. they made me fat and i looked awful. and i was miserable. ive been miserable my whole life. i cant even go outside by myself because i live in pakistan and im a girl. if i want to go outside i need to take my parents with me. i just get in the backseat of their car and we go to the park or the supermarket or something. i dont have any friends, ive never had a boyfriend, and i never went to school after grade 6 so i cant work either. girls cant work in pakistan unless theyre educated. so i spend everyday of my life in my room rotting on this bed alone. its been like this since i was 11 and im 19 now. and i know my life is never gonna change. and i just want to die. but i cant kill myself because i dont have anything to do it with. all i have is a kitchen knife and i know slitting my wrists or throat with it is probably not gonna kill me. plus i have no privacy at all my room door is always open and if my parents see me going to the kitchen theyre gonna ask me what i need and if they see me with a knife theyll know im trying to kms. i dont want this life, i'd rather die than live like this. thats why i joined this website, to see if anyone might know of a way i can kms.

I do understand that if you quickly lost weight by starving yourself, they'd want you to eat more. The way they're going about it though, absolutely unhelpful. they should've set you up with a therapist and treatment instead to prevent an ED. I hate it when parents feed their kids too much, I get that it can be a way to show love but it's just going to create a negative relationship with food.

What a shit situation you're in right now, I'm sorry you feel so stuck.

What do they expect you to do when they pass away? No education, no way to make connections with people,,

 

[3ndmym1sery]

I do understand that if you quickly lost weight by starving yourself, they'd want you to eat more. The way they're going about it though, absolutely unhelpful. they should've set you up with a therapist and treatment instead to prevent an ED. I hate it when parents feed their kids too much, I get that it can be a way to show love but it's just going to create a negative relationship with food.

What a shit situation you're in right now, I'm sorry you feel so stuck.

What do they expect you to do when they pass away? No education, no way to make connections with peo

I do understand that if you quickly lost weight by starving yourself, they'd want you to eat more. The way they're going about it though, absolutely unhelpful. they should've set you up with a therapist and treatment instead to prevent an ED. I hate it when parents feed their kids too much, I get that it can be a way to show love but it's just going to create a negative relationship with food.

What a shit situation you're in right now, I'm sorry you feel so stuck.

What do they expect you to do when they pass away? No education, no way to make connections with people,,

i'll be dependant on my older brother then. i'll be living at his house. and ill be rotting in a different room then. i'll always be a burden on other people

 

[Defiant]

Nail gun

Nvm I just did a quick search and it's actually less successful than it might seem.

 

[Anon7b8]

Os there a cultural reason why they act this way? Frankly I'm confused.

Nail gun

Doesn't this leave you brain dead unless you bleed out.

 

[3ndmym1sery]

Os there a cultural reason why they act this way? Frankly I'm confused.

Doesn't this leave you brain dead unless you bleed out.

idk why theyre like this. they just want me to eat and " be happy" . they dont care about anything else. and theyre awful, as soon as i try to tell them how i feel they start telling me i have problems with my head and that im stupid. they dont understand anything. and i hate them so much.

 

[Anon7b8]

idk why theyre like this. they just want me to eat and " be happy" . they dont care about anything else. and theyre awful, as soon as i try to tell them how i feel they start telling me i have problems with my head and that im stupid. they dont understand anything. and i hate them so much.

So they're overprotective of you for some reason... Maybe trauma or something else. If you just want to escape and not die. I think you need to go back to therapy. Not individual therapy, but one that let's your parents join. So you could explain to the doctor your needs and he/she could explain it to your parents. If they really mean well for you. But if they just want to be controlling. Well i respect your decision.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

idk why theyre like this. they just want me to eat and " be happy" . they dont care about anything else. and theyre awful, as soon as i try to tell them how i feel they start telling me i have problems with my head and that im stupid. they dont understand anything. and i hate them so much.

What do you really want? How do you want your life to be? Only answer if you really want to ofc! You mentioned your country in OP, it must be so horrible there just if someone wants to be free in what they want to do.

 

[3ndmym1sery]

So they're overprotective of you for some reason... Maybe trauma or something else. If you just want to escape and not die. I think you need to go back to therapy. Not individual therapy, but one that let's your parents join. So you could explain to the doctor your needs and he/she could explain it to your parents. If they really mean well for you. But if they just want to be controlling. Well i respect your decision.

What do you really want? How do you want your life to be? Only answer if you really want to ofc! You mentioned your country in OP, it must be so horrible there just if someone wants to be free in what they want to do.

all i want is to get out of this country and go as far away from my parents as possible and just live my life and work and never see or talk to them again. and to be able to go outside by myself and date and have friends and a normal life. but i know i'll never have that. ill never be able to get out of here. i dont have any money or a visa or a passport or anything. so i just want to die
i have

So they're overprotective of you for some reason... Maybe trauma or something else. If you just want to escape and not die. I think you need to go back to therapy. Not individual therapy, but one that let's your parents join. So you could explain to the doctor your needs and he/she could explain it to your parents. If they really mean well for you. But if they just want to be controlling. Well i respect your decision.

i have bad experiences with therapy, ive been to like 7 diff therapists and all of them sucked. my parents are poor so they cant afford therapists that are actually good, so they just take me to the cheap ones and they suck.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

all i want is to get out of this country and go as far away from my parents as possible and just live my life and work and never see or talk to them again. and to be able to go outside by myself and date and have friends and a normal life. but i know i'll never have that. ill never be able to get out of here. i dont have any money or a visa or a passport or anything. so i just want to die

It makes me so upset how "traditions and religious beliefs" are killing the lives of young people who just want to be free. I'm so sorry that I can't get you out of this hell. It's heartbreaking.

 

[Anon7b8]

I'm sorry that your parents are treating you like this, it must be horrible wanting to ctb so much but having no privacy and not being able to go anywhere to carry out your ctb. They even want you to be like your past self, someone who you didn't like, which sucks.

There aren't many methods available for someone in your situation but what you could do is try a gradual paracetamol overdose? Its a bad method, of course, but it might be the only one available for you. You're not supposed to take over 2g of paracetamol daily so you could take a little more than that every day and possibly try to OD on it?

I hope something in your favor happens someday, I send you my best regards and lots of strength. :)

This has a very low chance to induce death. But gave me an idea.
OP do you remember the pills the old therapist gave you? Maybe you can OD on of those. Just save them up.

 

[3ndmym1sery]

This has a very low chance to induce death. But gave me an idea.
OP do you remember the pills the old therapist gave you? Maybe you can OD on of those. Just save them up.

yeah it was a bunch of anti depressants and anti psychotics. aripiprazole bupropion piracetam and quetiapine. but i dont take them anymore so i dont have any at home rn, and if i was still taking them i wouldnt be able to save them up bc my mom used to give them to me. also idk if you could OD on them and die. plus id need privacy to do that too, and i dont have any privacy at all

 

[Praestat_Mori]

 

[アホペンギン]

I suggest you remove this because you should know already that this isn't working rather it causes so much more agony and pain .....

Ok, I removed it. She has no ways of ctb so I recommended that, every method that she can do in her situation will cause agony and pain.

 

[Myexit]

i'll be dependant on my older brother then. i'll be living at his house. and ill be rotting in a different room then. i'll always be a burden on other people

Oh my gosh, this sounds so cruel, cruelty 24/7. I really feel your pain and hope you can find some peace

 

[Anon7b8]

Anyone of you know if any of those can induce an od?

Also you don't have any places to hide stuff?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Anyone of you know if any of those can induce an od?

Also you don't have any places to hide stuff?

You mean the meds mentioned in the last post? They don't work for an OD. You need tricyclic antidepressants (e.g. Amitriptyline) and Valium and maybe other strong benzos for an OD. Researched ODs are described in the PPeH.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you have to endure, it's beyond cruel how people have to suffer so much in this existence. But anyway best wishes, I hate how there isn't a straightforward way to just permanently be free from all the suffering that existing brings in peace.