EndJstifiesTheMeans
Bad english, didn't go to school sorry
- May 14, 2023
- 448
Someone here was suicidal because of one-sided love, or some love story endend?
Can you share your story?
Can you share your story?
-
If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
sulli
Student
- Jan 25, 2023
- 197
i lost who i believed to be my soulmate to someone else's abuse and manipulation. i've never ever known love like i had with them before or since and i guess i never will. the worst pain of my life came with our separation and i saw no way forward for me, no way for my life to continue because of the circumstances they'd left me in.
i held on by the skin of my teeth in those months following the loss. i was a useless wreck who had to stay distracted, high or drunk every waking moment and my friends at the time did more than their fair share of carrying me, but i survived.
it doesn't hurt anymore. that's not saying much, it's been almost four years. but can confirm that it can get better even though it doesn't feel like it.
i held on by the skin of my teeth in those months following the loss. i was a useless wreck who had to stay distracted, high or drunk every waking moment and my friends at the time did more than their fair share of carrying me, but i survived.
it doesn't hurt anymore. that's not saying much, it's been almost four years. but can confirm that it can get better even though it doesn't feel like it.
The anhedonic one
Dead inside
- May 20, 2023
- 1,070
I'm so sorry you went through so much emotional pain.
I was never as lucky as you to have reached a point where it doesn't hurt anymore.
I lost the love of my life to someone else, and it has broken me beyond repair.
sulli
Student
- Jan 25, 2023
- 197
that's why i made sure to say it can get better, rather than the presumptuous 'it gets better' platitude that so many people like to hit you with. especially the ones who've never been through anything comparable. no, janet, it doesn't always get better, i'm one of the lucky ones!
i'm sorry to hear you can relate to my experiences there. there really is nothing like it.
nabinabi5
Invincible
- Aug 15, 2023
- 12
Not sure if this fits here but one of the points where I was closest to CBT was due to being the subject of an obsessive one-sided love, it was suffocating and some of the worst days of my life.
(a lot of venting incoming)
I knew she was unwell mentally, had attachment issues, and was generally unfit for love but we were stupid kids so sincerely in love with one another that I tried everything to make our relationship work. In the end though, my love for her faded since caring for someone else when I couldn't care for myself was causing me to SH at least 4 days a week and made me so stressed I started losing clumps of hair. She put everything on me and I wanted to handle it but I could t in the end so I had to leave or else I would've probably died.
She didn't let me go though, and wouldn't fit another year and a half. She would spam me constantly with phone calls(100+ a day) from burner numbers, send pictures of her self harm/nudes, insult and argue with me constantly, and almost constantly threaten to kill herself if I didn't talk to her.
She also threatened me with kidnapping/drugging, rape(which she actually did when I was stupid enough to give in and come over), putting my name/address online telling people I had a kidnapping/home invasion kink, killing/abusing animals(including her pets), revenge porn(which she also did), and a lot of other stuff.
I dealt with this daily for so long and it made me basically inactive for an entire year or more, it was such a soul crushing nonstop barrage of horrible things and images. I would lay in bed in the dark all day for weeks not eating and barely drinking because it took so much out of me mentally. I was basically on a hair trigger to CBT because I thought that was going to be my life forever, I don't know how I didn't. I had no one and nowhere to go to escape. I tried to go to the police twice and they didn't offer help at all, they basically told me to fuck off.
In the end I think she apparently found another bf/gf and gradually disappeared from my life, it's been around a year now I think.
Despite everything I don't want to blame her or put her down as "evil" and it conflicts me so much because she genuinely loved me and just wanted me to see that "I really loved her too" and that I had been misled. She had such an awful life like I did and horrible doctors so it wasn't her fault she was so unwell. In her own twisted mind she believed she was just doing what was "best" for me because we used to be so happy together. I'm not going to say I was innocent either, I buckled and was too afraid of her threats and demands to get away, I was not well either and was rude to her often after we separated.
Anyway, that's my story of one-sided love, I have almost entirely neglected dating since because I am so horrified of that happening again. I can't do it again, especially not well in my current state. Sorry if it was a bit off-topic.
(a lot of venting incoming)
I knew she was unwell mentally, had attachment issues, and was generally unfit for love but we were stupid kids so sincerely in love with one another that I tried everything to make our relationship work. In the end though, my love for her faded since caring for someone else when I couldn't care for myself was causing me to SH at least 4 days a week and made me so stressed I started losing clumps of hair. She put everything on me and I wanted to handle it but I could t in the end so I had to leave or else I would've probably died.
She didn't let me go though, and wouldn't fit another year and a half. She would spam me constantly with phone calls(100+ a day) from burner numbers, send pictures of her self harm/nudes, insult and argue with me constantly, and almost constantly threaten to kill herself if I didn't talk to her.
She also threatened me with kidnapping/drugging, rape(which she actually did when I was stupid enough to give in and come over), putting my name/address online telling people I had a kidnapping/home invasion kink, killing/abusing animals(including her pets), revenge porn(which she also did), and a lot of other stuff.
I dealt with this daily for so long and it made me basically inactive for an entire year or more, it was such a soul crushing nonstop barrage of horrible things and images. I would lay in bed in the dark all day for weeks not eating and barely drinking because it took so much out of me mentally. I was basically on a hair trigger to CBT because I thought that was going to be my life forever, I don't know how I didn't. I had no one and nowhere to go to escape. I tried to go to the police twice and they didn't offer help at all, they basically told me to fuck off.
In the end I think she apparently found another bf/gf and gradually disappeared from my life, it's been around a year now I think.
Despite everything I don't want to blame her or put her down as "evil" and it conflicts me so much because she genuinely loved me and just wanted me to see that "I really loved her too" and that I had been misled. She had such an awful life like I did and horrible doctors so it wasn't her fault she was so unwell. In her own twisted mind she believed she was just doing what was "best" for me because we used to be so happy together. I'm not going to say I was innocent either, I buckled and was too afraid of her threats and demands to get away, I was not well either and was rude to her often after we separated.
Anyway, that's my story of one-sided love, I have almost entirely neglected dating since because I am so horrified of that happening again. I can't do it again, especially not well in my current state. Sorry if it was a bit off-topic.
EndJstifiesTheMeans
Bad english, didn't go to school sorry
- May 14, 2023
- 448
Since there is already an excuse, I can't help whining, which I haven't done "in public" for a long time.
The person above writes about a case of painful attachment to her, but I can say that I myself was like that.
Around the age of 16, I accidentally met a girl on the Internet. At that time, I did not understand much about love, and in general, I was a rather retarded teenager who already lived in four walls at that time. However, I somehow liked her, she was depressed, did not believe in herself, and so on, and I wanted to help her. Eventually, I realized that I had feelings, and as it turned out they were mutual.
I probably felt like the happiest person in the world at that moment, and despite the fact that anything could cause panic inside me, at that time, it seemed to me that nothing bad could happen as long as she was with me. As I already said, when we met, she had mental problems, just like me, and we coped with them together. The fact is that if everything was in order with her, she would not contact me at all. We are too different, just not a couple, she is smart, beautiful, generally a good person, and I am a computer game junkie, an antisocial clown, stupid. However, she did not understand it then.
After a while, maybe half a year, I started doing bad things. I was overwhelmed with despair, a feeling of clumsiness, wretchedness, I wanted to disappear, and I was disappearing, which was causing her pain. However, I caused even more pain with my words, I could say things that she did not like to hear, because of me, she went through stress again and again. This happened periodically. Later, I put all my problems through her... I still want to stick a knife in my throat for that. The relationship became more and more cold, I told her - "You will find a better one", and she convinced me that she would never leave. At one point, everything moved.
It all happened quickly, I acted horrible again, I asked her to be friends, and she said yes, we need to be friends. I felt broken, I got what I wanted, now I should have killed myself, but I couldn't. For which I am also disgusted, I had to kill myself. I asked her not to move away, but it was already late, she grew cold towards me, and I could feel it, it hurt. There were moments when I scratched my hands with a blade and wrote to her that I could end my life by suicide, it was blackmail on my part... From that moment on, life lost its colors.
I don't forget her for a single day, or about 5 years. Occasionally, we talked, but everything ended badly, I cut my hands deeper and deeper. The last time she said, "Next time, talk to someone who doesn't like everything," it was painful. I know that everything is fine with her now, she found someone really normal, is studying medicine, and is definitely developing as a person. Her name causes panic inside me, as does viewing her social media pages. networks, but I still do it sometimes.
I am very sorry that everything happened like this, but only a year after the breakup, I realized that I was just a terrible person, I asked for forgiveness every time we talked, but it did not get easier for me. I don't know if I love her, but at least she has become synonymous with my wretchedness, her image has intensified in my head, and is a constant reminder of my mistakes, of my worthlessness. If I could go back in time, I would fix everything, I wouldn't hurt her, no matter what the cost… And now it doesn't matter, I'm just rotting alive, my life ended then, and it's my own fault.
I hope she will be happy
Google translation is "a little" not perfect, but I think I understood most of the opinions, and it doesn't matter much.
The person above writes about a case of painful attachment to her, but I can say that I myself was like that.
Around the age of 16, I accidentally met a girl on the Internet. At that time, I did not understand much about love, and in general, I was a rather retarded teenager who already lived in four walls at that time. However, I somehow liked her, she was depressed, did not believe in herself, and so on, and I wanted to help her. Eventually, I realized that I had feelings, and as it turned out they were mutual.
I probably felt like the happiest person in the world at that moment, and despite the fact that anything could cause panic inside me, at that time, it seemed to me that nothing bad could happen as long as she was with me. As I already said, when we met, she had mental problems, just like me, and we coped with them together. The fact is that if everything was in order with her, she would not contact me at all. We are too different, just not a couple, she is smart, beautiful, generally a good person, and I am a computer game junkie, an antisocial clown, stupid. However, she did not understand it then.
After a while, maybe half a year, I started doing bad things. I was overwhelmed with despair, a feeling of clumsiness, wretchedness, I wanted to disappear, and I was disappearing, which was causing her pain. However, I caused even more pain with my words, I could say things that she did not like to hear, because of me, she went through stress again and again. This happened periodically. Later, I put all my problems through her... I still want to stick a knife in my throat for that. The relationship became more and more cold, I told her - "You will find a better one", and she convinced me that she would never leave. At one point, everything moved.
It all happened quickly, I acted horrible again, I asked her to be friends, and she said yes, we need to be friends. I felt broken, I got what I wanted, now I should have killed myself, but I couldn't. For which I am also disgusted, I had to kill myself. I asked her not to move away, but it was already late, she grew cold towards me, and I could feel it, it hurt. There were moments when I scratched my hands with a blade and wrote to her that I could end my life by suicide, it was blackmail on my part... From that moment on, life lost its colors.
I don't forget her for a single day, or about 5 years. Occasionally, we talked, but everything ended badly, I cut my hands deeper and deeper. The last time she said, "Next time, talk to someone who doesn't like everything," it was painful. I know that everything is fine with her now, she found someone really normal, is studying medicine, and is definitely developing as a person. Her name causes panic inside me, as does viewing her social media pages. networks, but I still do it sometimes.
I am very sorry that everything happened like this, but only a year after the breakup, I realized that I was just a terrible person, I asked for forgiveness every time we talked, but it did not get easier for me. I don't know if I love her, but at least she has become synonymous with my wretchedness, her image has intensified in my head, and is a constant reminder of my mistakes, of my worthlessness. If I could go back in time, I would fix everything, I wouldn't hurt her, no matter what the cost… And now it doesn't matter, I'm just rotting alive, my life ended then, and it's my own fault.
I hope she will be happy
Google translation is "a little" not perfect, but I think I understood most of the opinions, and it doesn't matter much.
Last edited:
nabinabi5
Invincible
- Aug 15, 2023
- 12
I'm 21 now, but I was 18 when we dated. The wound is still pretty fresh. Thank you for your wishes
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