I'm so so desperate to die today.
I has to be today someone please help
I has to be today someone please help
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Hey Guest,
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I'm sorry you are in so much pain. Can you take some deep breathes to try and calm yourself? Impulsivity doesn't usually produce a good outcome.
Darkover
Illuminated
- Jul 29, 2021
- 3,757
if only it was that easy it takes months to plan a suicide and that's only if you can get access to what is needed
I'm sorry you're so desperate but imo it's not a good idea to act on impulse. Welcome to the forum! Do you wanna tell us a bit why u wanna die so desperately? What happened? Ofc only if u want.
Thank you. I am in so much emotional pain every second it's really unbearable. I don't know how people carry on when awful things happen. It sounds small but it really all started when I got herpes. I spiralled into a horrible depression and i've ran away from my whole life. My job, my masters, all my friends and I can't return as I have no money and now I live with my mum which also isn't great and is isolating because she has been abusive in the past so it brings back memories. My family are all white and I'm black I feel like the literal black sheep of my family every second. They are trying so hard to help me out of this hole but I've just completely given up on life. I can't function now for 4 months it's hell on earth. I don't eat, I want to sleep every second. I've ignored everyone I know for months. All I feel is total apathy towards every thing. I don't enjoy anything the only small relief is when I'm asleep but I wake up so full of regret, shame and dread about my whole life and the fact i'm still alive. I can't go on at all. I'm thinking to just jump in front of a train. I live in UK…Idk how successful this would be? Or just tying a bin bag to my head and securing with elastic bands and just using willpower to keep it on till I die. Do you think this is possible? I can't live a day longer I truly cannot
Plastic bag won't work, too painful and unpleasant, train is also questionable. I understand that you're in so much desperation but without a good plan you most likely will fail an impulsive attempt. How can herpes kick someone so much out of regular life? Obviously you have a family who cares about you. maybe a break from everything would be good. Have you consulted a therapist/doc?
There is the Suicide Resource Compilation in the sticky threads. You can read about methods there.
When you have a few more posts you can als use the chat and search.
There is the Suicide Resource Compilation in the sticky threads. You can read about methods there.
When you have a few more posts you can als use the chat and search.
smileycryptid
For what does it mean to live ?
- Mar 22, 2024
- 41
feeling exactly the same wish I knew the answer
I'm also in the uk and are looking to die really soon it's so hard trying to plan when you desperate 
it's not just herpes it's the conditions in which i got it. I ended up losing the best guy i've ever met and it was my fault. I acted really impulsively then couldn't deal with the guilt of it being my fault. I think I have BPD, I just jump from relationship to relationship and now I can't face a future of rejection with this virus. I know it sounds like a small thing but you'd have to understand all the conditions around it to understand why it's destroyed me like this. I've read accounts/ articles where a plastic bag has worked. It's not impossible that it could work?
we could do together?feeling exactly the same wish I knew the answer
It's not impossible but you will probably be in panic and rip off the bag from your head. It's very unpleasant.
Linda
Member
- Jul 30, 2020
- 1,210
It sounds to me as though you are going through a nasty period of acute depression, brought on by a whole host of external circumstances. It happened to me once, and I had 8 months of hell. I nearly didn't survive it. However, acute depression is different from the chronic depression that some people experience. That is usually caused, at last in part, by DNA, and it can last a lifetime. Your depression will lift when your circumstances change. I know that you feel right now that there is no way out, but there is, and basically what you must do is wait, while also doing what you can to improve your circumstances.
Don't ctb. There is a good chance that by this time next year you will feel a lot better. If things don't improve over that timescale, then it might be reasonable to think again about ctb. But not yet.
Don't worry about being depressed. That can set off a vicious circle that just makes you more depressed. Your depression is a perfectly natural response to difficult circumstances.
What you need to do now is start thinking, calmly and logicallly, about what you can do to improve your personal circumstances. Do what you can, and then let events take their course. The odds are that you will be OK.
I know that I won't. The herpes will never go. I can't undo my actions and I cannot go back in time I just know I will never feel the same as I once did. I've lost everyone that mattered. I can't imagine living another year like this it's too hard. I know my circumstances have made me depressed but I've had manageable depression since I was a teen (i'm 26 now)
Linda
Member
- Jul 30, 2020
- 1,210
About three-quarters of the world's population is infected with some form of the Herpes simplex virus, and about 1 person in 8 is infected with the strain of the virus that affects the genitals. You have lots of company. Stop worrying about it, and get on with your life.
The initial lesions will fade away in a few weeks. Antivirals will usually reduce the symptoms. The virus itself will never go away, and the condition can occasionally flare up again, but antivirals can also reduce the risk of that happening. Talk to your doctor.
You are worrying far too much about something that is at worst an annoyance. It is not a disaster.
i've had back to back outbreaks for 5 months now.
it's not just that it's the fact i fucked up.
i hate myself
this is all i long for
I think I can do the bag thing. I think I have the willpower
Linda
Member
- Jul 30, 2020
- 1,210
Sounds as though you need to get onto antivirals. As I already said, I think you should see your doctor. You should probably also get a good, general checkup. I'm wondering if something is stopping your immune system from working as well as it should. (Depression itself can stop your immune system from working properly.)
Nobody gets through life without fucking up a few times. I have done it too. Far too often. But so what? You pick yourself up and carry on.
I wouldn't normally wish to broadcast the fact, since it's mildly embarrassing, but since it might help you, I will. When I was young I managed to contract HPV, gonorrhea and pubic lice. (Not all at the same time!) Did I let it worry me? Of course not. In each case, I just figured out what I needed to do to manage the situation, and then I did that.
One thing you can learn from this experience is that it's a good idea to insist that a man uses a condom. Condom's won't prevent all STDs in all circumstances, but they do help a lot, and they will probably prevent you from catching something else. There are more dangerous diseases out there than herpes.
It sounds as though you are trying to be too much of a perfectionist, and then hating yourself because you can't live up to the unreasonably high expectations that you set for yourself. That is not smart. I am a perfectionist too, I set very high goals for myself, and I try hard to achieve them. Often I do achieve them. But I recognise that sometimes I will not succeed. If I did manage to achieve them all, it would simply mean that I was not setting the bar high enough. Failure, now and again, is to be expected. It's never failing that should be cause for concern.
Your problem is not the herpes. It's that fact that you are worrying far too much about the herpes.
thanks for your words. i'm pretty sure i've got HPV too as i found a wart type thing but have stopped caring as im gonna CTB
Linda
Member
- Jul 30, 2020
- 1,210
Well, if you decide to ctb I hope it goes well, and that you find some peace. But do put a little effort into planning it. As someone on this site wisely remarked a few weeks ago: failing to plan is planning to fail.
smileycryptid
For what does it mean to live ?
- Mar 22, 2024
- 41
Please try and remember that you have so many friends here, me included, like a large family, and when a person is down and/or having a rough go of it at the moment, that you are a loving, kind, ever so wonderful soul to have as a great friend on here. At the age of 68, I have had a lot of ups, AND downs, but with the help of others on here I always pull through and please remember that I and so many others are here for you.
It may be long distance, but I wrap my arms around you, give you a huge hug and tell you that you are a wonderful spirit with a beautiful sunrise coming tomorrow.
I am here for you always; we are family and I believe in you so much.
Lots of hugs, love and brilliant sunrises to/for you, my awesome friend.
Walter
It may be long distance, but I wrap my arms around you, give you a huge hug and tell you that you are a wonderful spirit with a beautiful sunrise coming tomorrow.
I am here for you always; we are family and I believe in you so much.
Lots of hugs, love and brilliant sunrises to/for you, my awesome friend.
Walter
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