Venting some struggles are "cool", while others are embarrassing... i wish my struggles were cool lol

[SufferingInDenmark]

you know what i mean... you often see interviews about some people who changed their life
and they talk about how they used to be drug dealers or whatever, saying it was tough...
or someone who survived whatever cool, dangerous thing and made it out alive.
those are like cool struggles.

and then there's struggles that aren't "cool"...
idk what i could use as an example...
a lot of bad shit just happened to me that's quite embarrasing.
social anxiety for example.

but whatever, i guess we can't change the past, just venting a bit...

 

[moya117]

I know how you feel, especially how ppl these days responding to that with "welcome to the adulthood" and such. It sometimes makes me wish that I also have an illness that is "visible" ykwim, so ppl actually validate my experience :((

 

[taylorj]

I definitely relate to this. Even my cool & interesting drug or jail-related adventure stories aren't really that cool in comparison to all my depressing ass ones or they are trumped by my just plain embarrassing life story up to this point lol oh well

a lot of bad shit just happened to me that's quite embarrasing.
social anxiety for example.

I feel like social anxiety is kinda viewed as a cool edge these days so don't feel embarrassed by that. I always feel much more drawn to people who are socially awkward. I dont mean to downplay your suffering at all in saying this btw.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Yeah, being forced to sell illegal drugs because of your shitty circumstances sounds cool and definitely not sad at all. Dude, let's not romanticize other people's struggles. There is no such as as "cool" struggles. Those people whose struggles you claim are "cool" will usually tell you otherwise.

 

[KillingPain267]

I feel like social anxiety is kinda viewed as a cool edge these days so don't feel embarrassed by that. I always feel much more drawn to people who are socially awkward. I dont mean to downplay your suffering at all in saying this btw.

People confuse social anxiety with being socially awkward and/or introvert. Those are very different things. The socially anxious will stay away from all or most social interactions just to avoid being seen as socially awkward, even if the fear is totally irrational and they know it. Nobody finds a recluse cool. Those who claim to have social anxiety yet run their mouths in front of strangers constantly are either lying or they confuse terms and are just introverts who have collected enough energy for the day alone and are now ready to interact with people totally normally.

I was the opposite. I have had, what I now know, is social anxiety since I was 13, but I was always told I was shy, quiet or an introvert. So my whole life I felt condemned for not opening up to people despite trying and trying and forcing myself to interact socially but always being fruitless. It's only a few years ago I even knew it was a disease that I could seek help for.

 

[taylorj]

People confuse social anxiety with being socially awkward and/or introvert. Those are very different things. The socially anxious will stay away from all or most social interactions just to avoid being seen as socially awkward, even if the fear is totally irrational and they know it. Nobody finds a recluse cool. Those who claim to have social anxiety yet run their mouths in front of strangers constantly are either lying or they confuse terms and are just introverts who have collected enough energy for the day alone and are now ready to interact with people totally normally.

What i mean is that the whole Kurt Cobain archetype has been glorified in recent years. Like there's literally hats and t shirts that say "anti-social social club" ...and yeah obviously those who wear that shit aren't legitimately anti-social because they only make up like less than 4% of the population. When I was in high school I was socially awkward, introverted, whatever you need to label it, not in a cool way, to the point of total self hatred. That doesn't mean I couldn't muster up the ability to socialize when I felt it was expected of me...even if it sometimes resulted in an embarrassing scenario. I didn't actually develop real social anxiety til years later and now as an adult with legitimate social anxiety, who is also a recluse, I can actually socialize better than I did when I was in high school I just avoid it at all costs. I don't think it's cool when anyone is suffering emotionally but I stand by what I said in that I gravitate towards the more socially inept.

 

[Knoc]

Why does it matter if a struggle is perceived as cool? It's still an awful thing to experencie.

 

[taylorj]

Some struggles are more socially acceptable. Dude this is a fact. Look at Intervention. Nobody finds it "cool" when you're morbidly obese eating over 8,000 calories a day. Someone who is a drug addict on the other hand, with an intriguing life story, although still not actually cool ...is a lot easier to share in the pain of their struggles with others. One can literally walk into a meeting anywhere across the globe with a profound level of support while the other is left to sit in their shame in the shadows. It may seem dumb but this is just how society is. We can't as humans help that we have been shaped to be affected by the same standards of what is and isn't considered cool or acceptable. It might still suck but it's not the same kind of struggle or pain... it's different.

 

[imOK]

I once joked with my therapist during the incredible, year-long oddyssey I went through to get what I have officially recognized as chronic disease that I would've had an easier time with a lot of help resources if I was a drug addict/alcoholic and/or a deadbeat parent. Not diminishing what these people go through, but it was objectively true. I am in this bizarre no-mans land where I'm too ill to function as a normal member of society but also too healthy for dramatic meltdowns and equally dramatic interventions, or a handler that keeps me from drowning in my own saliva. As a result I'm completely invisible. One thing I learned from childhood on is that simply nobody cares about what my problem is or about anything I have to say, really. I simply learned to live with that. Now I just defend my rights aggressively and am by default rude and defensive to people I don't know so I get left alone and get to the things I need to survive. Sadly, that has gotten me farther than understanding, friendliness, tolerance and willingness to cooperate ever did. I'm only nice to people online at this point because I don't risk anything here being nice and I like being nice. In real life, that only made me a target. The idea of being dependent on people horrifies me more than anything else. I don't even like thinking about it.

 

[divinemistress36]

The only thing about it is people who have gone through major struggles and found meaning in it and were able to still find happiness, how would that be?

 

[StrawberryRed]

Yeah, being forced to sell illegal drugs because of your shitty circumstances sounds cool and definitely not sad at all. Dude, let's not romanticize other people's struggles. There is no such as as "cool" struggles. Those people whose struggles you claim are "cool" will usually tell you otherwise.

No ones saying it's easier or better. By cool they obviously mean socially acceptable or understandable/supported. You can go out and talk about how you were in jail for drug dealing, even make a career of it. Most normal people wouldnt make a big deal of it. No one is out giving inspirational speeches about having ibs or being a compulsive liar. There is obviously problems that are more socially acceptable to talk about, ur literally on a suicide forum filled with people scared ro talk about their ideation because of social rejection

 

[EvisceratedJester]

No ones saying it's easier or better. By cool they obviously mean socially acceptable or understandable/supported. You can go out and talk about how you were in jail for drug dealing, even make a career of it. Most normal people wouldnt make a big deal of it. No one is out giving inspirational speeches about having ibs or being a compulsive liar. There is obviously problems that are more socially acceptable to talk about, ur literally on a suicide forum filled with people scared ro talk about their ideation because of social rejection

Yeah, being a drug dealer isn't socially acceptable though. It's probably looked down upon more compared to something like struggling with anxiety. Along with that, people who have been to jail ro prison before usually do not see it as something they are proud of and it can actually make it harder to find a job. My dad has been to jail before and it's not something he goes around talking about. He actually feels a lot of shame surrounding it. My bf has gone to jail before for something he didn't do and its something he tries to hide from others.

People actually do make a big deal out of thse sorts of things.

If I'm being honest, I've seen more epeople make a career out of "uncool" struggles compared the supposed "cool" struggles you people are whining about

 

[Withered]

Yeah, being forced to sell illegal drugs because of your shitty circumstances sounds cool and definitely not sad at all. Dude, let's not romanticize other people's struggles. There is no such as as "cool" struggles. Those people whose struggles you claim are "cool" will usually tell you otherwise.

I think that's exactly what OP is saying. They're not "cool," but a large public sentiment that they are "cool" indicated by disproportionate entertainment and media coverage of their subsequent successes and reform relative to some afflictions like those of OP is a dystopian, cash-grabbing, ivory-tower romanticization of something that and someone who should not be romanticized.

Idt OP is saying "ah bummer dude, I wish someone would interview me and make my struggles seem 'cool.'" They're just pointing out the disparity.

 

[StrawberryRed]

Yeah, being a drug dealer isn't socially acceptable though. It's probably looked down upon more compared to something like struggling with anxiety. Along with that, people who have been to jail ro prison before usually do not see it as something they are proud of and it can actually make it harder to find a job. My dad has been to jail before and it's not something he goes around talking about. He actually feels a lot of shame surrounding it. My bf has gone to jail before for something he didn't do and its something he tries to hide from others.

People actually do make a big deal out of thse sorts of things.

If I'm being honest, I've seen more epeople make a career out of "uncool" struggles compared the supposed "cool" struggles you people are whining about

Yes there are downsides obviously, but there is a market for these kind of problems. Extreme social anxiety- things like agoraphobia dont have that. Count the amount of tv shows about prisons vs agoraphobia. Obviously I'm not saying it's all sunshine and rainbows and felons live happily ever after. But personal anecdotes dont change the fact that there is unarguably more charities and support for people coming out of jail than for who knows how many less talked about afflictions. Cool isnt the right word and obviously you have to know your not interpreting it the way OP meant.

Its strange you use the word " whining" and " you people" very deaming and patronizing choices. I always see your comments where you take this moral high ground and treat anyone that disagrees with you like they are too brain dead to understand. Like you go through posts to find which ones you can woefully misinterpret and attack the poster for. I dont know you personally obviously so I'm not trying to call you names or accuse anything, it's just a very blatant pattern. You seem to just like arguing, maybe u should worry about that first.