"Some people have it worse than you"

[ExitTheDay]

Is the shittiest thing you can say to someone suffering from depression or anything for that matter, while this may be factual, it doesn't make anyone's problems any less significant than each other... I would never want cancer or any other life threatening illness, but would I tell a stage 4 cancer patient that "some people have it worse than you"? absofuckingtely not, that's such a terrible and far-fetched thing to say to anyone no matter what battles they are facing, so cut the shit with that pathetic thesis

 

[sunny.sativa]

I read something a couple days ago, by a user on this forum. Forgive me, I can't recall the name, but they said something along the lines of:
"Telling someone not to be sad because someone has it worse is like telling someone not to be happy because someone has it better."
This was the best response to this pathetic claim I'd ever heard. I liked it.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

Some people have it worse than you

So I guess I better get out before it gets worse, then.

 

[Escaper Boy]

I actually feel guilty for "subscribing" to that mindset myself. I feel like a total weakling for planning to ctb even though there are many other people who had worse life than me. I don't know how to get rid of this mindset. I think this mindset had been rooted deeply since childhood. I was taught to think like this from early age.

 

[Ivenocare]

My favorite line

 

[Apostle]

There's always something worse, blah blah blah, but shitty situations are shitty regardless, and no one should have to suffer.

I hate this saying too. Not only does it not work and not make sense, but the fact that other people have it worse actually just makes me want to die more. It reminds me that I have such a good life, and was given so many opportunities, yet I'm still such an awful, uncaring, unhappy, unproductive person. It makes me think about myself, "others make more out of less, you have everything and you still do nothing with it, what does that say about you?"

It's a terrible thing to say. Condescending, too. Everybody fucking knows that someone has it worse. As if I don't constantly think about it already.

 

[Meretlein]

Someone always has it worse, someone always has it better. There are billions of people alive today and billions more have been alive. All that matter is how you feel.

Depression + PTSD has been the worst pain i've ever experienced. I preferred the pain of breaking my leg in half. Studies have shown that emotional pain and physical pain light up the same areas of the brain. Mental pain is not less legitimate than physical pain.

 

[Loli]

Heard this silver lining from a therapist I've talked with. It was my first and last therapy session ever ahahah

 

[LastFlowers]

I read something a couple days ago, by a user on this forum. Forgive me, I can't recall the name, but they said something along the lines of:
"Telling someone not to be sad because someone has it worse is like telling someone not to be happy because someone has it better."
This was the best response to this pathetic claim I'd ever heard. I liked it.

I saw that too, just perfect

Heard this silver lining from a therapist I've talked with. It was my first and last therapy session ever ahahah

Ahh yes.
A lot of people feel the need to line their bullshit in silver.
They don't care enough to use gold.

 

[Antinous]

Comparing is one of the most disrespectful things one human being can do to another (or to oneself). When I'm hurting, the last thing I want to hear is advice, philosophy, psychology, or the other fellow's point of view. And the very worst is comparing. That kind of talk only intensifies my pain because the person is choosing to deny what I'm feeling and, by inference, telling me that I'm not worth a shit. Even if that's true, it doesn't help.

 

[KnightOfEnceladus]

This is known as the "fallacy of relative privation," and is a subtype of the non-sequitur. Yes, some people have it worse. That's not the damn point: you are not "some people." You are you.

 

[Kyrok]

If one's life isn't bad but one is miserable, one is in worse shape because not only are they suffering, but their suffering isn't even a reasonable response to one's circumstances. At least those whose life sucks deserves to feel shitty.

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

Comparing is one of the most disrespectful things one human being can do to another (or to oneself). When I'm hurting, the last thing I want to hear is advice, philosophy, psychology, or the other fellow's point of view. And the very worst is comparing. That kind of talk only intensifies my pain because the person is choosing to deny what I'm feeling and, by inference, telling me that I'm not worth a shit. Even if that's true, it doesn't help.

So what do you want to hear? There are many ways you can interpret what I'm saying but I don't mean it in the bitchy sense. I'm actually interested in knowing what the best course of action is.

 

[Sanguinius]

no one ever truly know how bad you're feeling, so no one knows if somebody has it worse than you. you can't fucking compare others to you!

 

[Battered_Seoul]

Fallacy of relative privation.

 

[Imgonnahangmyself]

no one ever truly know how bad you're feeling, so no one knows if somebody has it worse than you. you can't fucking compare others to you!

Until you die, then they care.

 

[KnightOfEnceladus]

Ain't that the truth...peoples' priorities are screwed up beyond belief.

 

[DyingWitsie]

So I guess I better get out before it gets worse, then.

I

This is known as the "fallacy of relative privation," and is a subtype of the non-sequitur. Yes, some people have it worse. That's not the damn point: you are not "some people." You are you.

I remember reading about relative deprivation when i thought that there was still hope to do something with my life. How lost was i? It is a fact that someone will always have it worse than you, but i hope they are lucky enough to chose death. Thats the only thing left.

 

[NoOneKnows]

when I tell people about my health issues or biofamily issues they choose not to believe to justify that they do nothing about it. Not that I asked them to do anything, they are usually curious and ask me, and when I tell them, they invalidate. Not to mention, I struggle big time to verbalize properly experiences,cuz Im so anxious around people, not worth the effort to share,certainly makes no difference for me

 

[Xaphous]

Yeah I got this from a therapist, he also told me I 'probably don't have avpd' simply because he had never heard of it, he told me he was a family therapist and never worked with individuals like me and wasn't really qualified, but there was no one else available. When I said I don't have a job, he simulated knocking at the door asking if I want a job instantly implying I had never even tried. This was all in 20 minutes of first seeing him. Total knob head but they were all condescending like this except one from my experience.

 

[Ashpac]

I read something a couple days ago, by a user on this forum. Forgive me, I can't recall the name, but they said something along the lines of:
"Telling someone not to be sad because someone has it worse is like telling someone not to be happy because someone has it better."
This was the best response to this pathetic claim I'd ever heard. I liked it.

I have said that response before on this forum. I say it all the time in real life and it shuts people up. I love it.

 

[ExitTheDay]

Heard this silver lining from a therapist I've talked with. It was my first and last therapy session ever ahahah

That's a rather shitty therapist in my opinion

when I tell people about my health issues or biofamily issues they choose not to believe to justify that they do nothing about it. Not that I asked them to do anything, they are usually curious and ask me, and when I tell them, they invalidate. Not to mention, I struggle big time to verbalize properly experiences,cuz Im so anxious around people, not worth the effort to share,certainly makes no difference for me

Same here dude, it's fucking hard to tell people my problems, they either don't believe me or just try to generalize it, especially my shitty family

Ain't that the truth...peoples' priorities are screwed up beyond belief.

Indeed, most people have the shittiest advice ever, although they think they are fortune tellers... it's rather hilarious

Until you die, then they care.

Yup, everyone claims to care but when you're finally 6 feet under thats when they actually show it

 

[Antinous]

So what do you want to hear?

Here's a start:

1. Listen with full attention. Often a sympathetic silence is all a person needs.
2. Instead of advice, offer acknowledgement. The person is an adult. They know there are things that can't be "fixed."
3. Instead of denying the person's feelings, give the feeling a name; e.g., "to lose a friend can hurt" or "you really cared about..." This shows you hear what the person is saying. It is amazingly comforting to simply acknowledge another person's inner experience.
4. Instead of an explanation or logic, give the person their wish in a fantasy; e.g., I know how much you want it to be different; I wish I could give it to you.

To listen to someone else's pain is to accept their feelings. Not examine them or explain them or rationalize them or, god forbid, compare them, blame them, or lecture them. Instead, show respect for the person's struggle; this gives them courage to continue the struggle and work through it.

The person may want to openly discuss their pain, or they may avoid discussing it. The key is to follow their lead, keeping in mind that each person experiences life in their own unique way.

Allow the person to talk about their pain at their own pace. And while you can be a "safe harbor" for the person so that they can explain their thoughts and feelings, don't force the situation if they resist.

If you can listen well, you can help a person cope during their difficult time. Your physical presence and desire to listen without judging are critical helping tools. Don't worry so much about what to say. Just concentrate on listening to the words the person is sharing with you.

 

[ExitTheDay]

Here's a start:

1. Listen with full attention. Often a sympathetic silence is all a person needs.
2. Instead of advice, offer acknowledgement. The person is an adult. They know there are things that can't be "fixed."
3. Instead of denying the person's feelings, give the feeling a name; e.g., "to lose a friend can hurt" or "you really cared about..." This shows you hear what the person is saying. It is amazingly comforting to simply acknowledge another person's inner experience.
4. Instead of an explanation or logic, give the person their wish in a fantasy; e.g., I know how much you want it to be different; I wish I could give it to you.

To listen to someone else's pain is to accept their feelings. Not examine them or explain them or rationalize them or, god forbid, compare them, blame them, or lecture them. Instead, show respect for the person's struggle; this gives them courage to continue the struggle and work through it.

This! You really couldn't have said it any better than that!

 

[lost_soul83]

Is the shittiest thing you can say to someone suffering from depression or anything for that matter, while this may be factual, it doesn't make anyone's problems any less significant than each other... I would never want cancer or any other life threatening illness, but would I tell a stage 4 cancer patient that "some people have it worse than you"? absofuckingtely not, that's such a terrible and far-fetched thing to say to anyone no matter what battles they are facing, so cut the shit with that pathetic thesis

I try not to speak in absolutes, each situation is different and calls for different advice and behavior, so saying that this is the absolute shittiest thing you can say to a depressed person may not necessarily be true, all depends on the situation and the people involved.

I actually feel guilty for "subscribing" to that mindset myself. I feel like a total weakling for planning to ctb even though there are many other people who had worse life than me. I don't know how to get rid of this mindset. I think this mindset had been rooted deeply since childhood. I was taught to think like this from early age.

I wouldn't feel guilty for wanting to ctb just because someone has it worse than you, this will always be the case. But each individual's life and circumstances are different and what they can handle and what their limits are, are different. In my experience, guilt is one of the most powerful emotions that evoke such extreme reactions, like wanting to ctb for example. I'm willing to bet that almost every single user on this forum feels extreme guilt about something, but what they do as a result will be totally different than any other person on here. Try not to let guilt run and ruin your life. You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to ctb because you can't take it anymore, most people here would empathize.

 

[noonetoo]

I remember reading a comment here a few weeks ago by someone saying they had cancer and a few weeks to live, adding that most of us were mental and just needed excessive therapy. It's messed up to put down other people's feelings because you have more of a will to live.

 

[Numbtopain97]

Person 1: I'm financially struggling.

Person 2: Don't worry, many are homeless and jobless right now.

Person 3: I'm homeless and jobless right now.

Person 2: Don't worry many people out there are kidnap victims.

Person 4: I'm a kidnap victim.

Person 2: Oh don't worry, many people are dead right now!

 

[Kyrok]

Person 5: I'm trapped in a world where every other human being is a mindless automaton.
Person 2: Oh, don't worry, as soon as you next fall asleep, you'll become one of us too.

 

[Baskol1]

Yes there may be some people who certainly have it worse. But there are many more who have it better. Besides, why do they think this makes me feel better? Should i feel better because there are people who have it worse? No, it actually makes me sad. It just confirms that existence is suffering.

Person 1: I'm financially struggling.

Person 2: Don't worry, many are homeless and jobless right now.

Person 3: I'm homeless and jobless right now.

Person 2: Don't worry many people out there are kidnap victims.

Person 4: I'm a kidnap victim.

Person 2: Oh don't worry, many people are dead right now!

There is always someone who has it worse. Like the war prisoner who is being tortured right now. Or *shudders the child being raped right now. Horrible, but it happens. It doesnt make me feel better, in fact its the opposite.

 

[shelledone]

I think we all have different capacities for coping. And thinking about how much worse things can get is one reason for me to CTB. Perhaps if I knew everyone else was happy and doing well, rainbows and lollipops, the world wouldn't be so depressing as to want to finish my life. I chose not to bring more life into this world as is.