Make sure this is a sound minded decision. I'm not sure if I'll get banned for saying this, but xxxxxxx and xxxxxx ships to most places in the US. 20 g of SN should be enough for most people and 25 g max. Mix with a bottle of water. I would recommend taking an antiemetic and something of an anesthetic nature.
I think of ctb as an absolute last resort. The plan if all else fails and there is no other choice.
I really recommend taking a long long meditation on this decision. Sometimes we feel rushed to do something because we are manipulated by our emotions or stress. Try to calm yourself down and make sure this is a sound minded decision and that you are ready.
With all of this being said it's still your life and your choice.
It breaks my heart when someone really comes down to ctb.
I hope only the best for you.
Stay safe.