Socialization and making friends

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

A friend called me a few days ago and Told me they have been going out and making a bunch of new friends. And I have only managed to indulge in suicial thgouhs and contemplate ordering SN for all summer. I am such a afailure

I guess a part of me wants that social life of friends and a boyfriend and stuff but....when you have been abused by everyone in your entire life you begin to also hate humanity and keep to yourself. I feel I should be doing more. I want to do more. But I am also comfortable in my depression and suicidality and I feel at 22 I am running out of time. I could make a change but I dont want to make a change and ugh I dont make sense anymore

 

[airboy_a380]

U have plenty of time! Try and get some friends, bet you're a lot of fun. Us depressed people usually have a great sense of humour.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I dont know how to. I dont want to put myself out there and put in effort :(

 

[airboy_a380]

You're going with your friend so at least u have someone u know. I used to be the most social person and what people call a soul of a party, I could get an entire bunch of people looking at me and laughing at my jokes. When depression came I let everyone go, now I'm all alone by choice. Don't become like me. You got this.

 

[TeenIdle]

I understand you... Same happens with me. I feel I'm dull, boring, small talk bores me and talking is very tiring for me... People avoids me because I'm boring and I don't know how to easily socialize

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I see. I have been abused so much I dont think I want friends. because I always end up choosing people who hurt me and it pushes me ot suicide so ill just die frinedsless

 

[BrokenLine]

Your friends seems to have been a little cruel to call just to say they have new friends. You're not a failure you both are not in the same place so please don't judge yourself like you should have done the same as them. And you really aren't out of time at 22, 122 maybe. This may not help but just do or be in a place your comfortable with that you enjoy and make any changes and take any step if and when you're ready. Trying to work things out can get complicated and confusing.

 

[TeenIdle]

Everyone wants friends because we are social animals and need the company of others... The problem is we have it hard to have friends or value them... I must admit I have a couple of friends, but yet I feel lonely most of the time, and they are good people, but the problem is mine, I feel lonely I don't know why...

 

[airboy_a380]

Everyone wants friends because we are social animals and need the company of others... The problem is we have it hard to have friends or value them... I must admit I have a couple of friends, but yet I feel lonely most of the time, and they are good people, but the problem is mine, I feel lonely I don't know why...

Everyone feels alone, this is the true pandemic going on. And I don't mean the virus. But generally speaking.

 

[TeenIdle]

Everyone feels alone, this is the true pandemic going on. And I don't mean the virus. But generally speaking.

You're right... Loneliness sucks

 

[sighingspider]

Well, maybe just a suggestion, you could put up a post, saying what are you likes and dislikes. Write down possible things you could talk about with your new friend and tada. Wait. As far as I am concern, there are many people that are lonely, and also have the same problem as you. Think of it as like online dating but instead of getting into a relationship... wait. Friendship is a type of relationship isnt it.

 

[airboy_a380]

You're right... Loneliness sucks

the internet should have never happened. People were much happier when we didnt have all this technology.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Your friends seems to have been a little cruel to call just to say they have new friends. You're not a failure you both are not in the same place so please don't judge yourself like you should have done the same as them. And you really aren't out of time at 22, 122 maybe. This may not help but just do or be in a place your comfortable with that you enjoy and make any changes and take any step if and when you're ready. Trying to work things out can get complicated and confusing.

I dont think it was necessarily cruel. I mean, if she was able to socialize its great. But we had a good chat over the phone which I did like.

 

[sighingspider]

Well, maybe just a suggestion, you could put up a post, saying what are you likes and dislikes. Write down possible things you could talk about with your new friend and tada. Wait. As far as I am concern, there are many people that are lonely, and also have the same problem as you. Think of it as like online dating but instead of getting into a relationship... wait. Friendship is a type of relationship isnt it.

 

[Mixo]

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially having experienced intense, severe child abuse. It's very hard to trust people after that, and well, people don't make it much easier when you're an adult lol. But I say it's a decent way to pass the time. Maybe try online forums like this one or other chatting sites since meeting people online tends to be easier. You can make friends on your own terms and at the pace you're comfortable with. Try not to beat yourself up if it doesn't happen right away, even if it appears other people are "getting there" faster than you.

 

[sighingspider]

the internet should have never happened. People were much happier when we didnt have all this technology.

hm. It really depends on which area you look at it. Indeed cyber-bullying is shit and people ghosting you is just a stab to the heart. But if everyone were to use it correctly, the internet would probably be a safe heavan for all of us. Look at this forum for example, its like the "good side" of internet i guess...

 

[BrokenLine]

Everyone wants friends because we are social animals and need the company of others... The problem is we have it hard to have friends or value them... I must admit I have a couple of friends, but yet I feel lonely most of the time, and they are good people, but the problem is mine, I feel lonely I don't know why...

This is it, people want contact even it its only a little they want or if they're around people all the time. My life got me to a point i trusted people quickly and never ended well, when i tried i'd rather people show who they are than at a difficult time.

Hope you don't mind your friends you said they're good people for me I found when i tried with people I felt that way but I never felt i was or could be myself around them even with family always making me feel lonely. So I think it depends on how comfortable you feel you can be yourself around people. Sorry if i'm stepping over the line.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying, especially having experienced intense, severe child abuse. It's very hard to trust people after that, and well, people don't make it much easier when you're an adult lol. But I say it's a decent way to pass the time. Maybe try online forums like this one or other chatting sites since meeting people online tends to be easier. You can make friends on your own terms and at the pace you're comfortable with. Try not to beat yourself up if it doesn't happen right away, even if it appears other people are "getting there" faster than you.

Very wise. Thank you so much

 

[BrokenLine]

I dont think it was necessarily cruel. I mean, if she was able to socialize its great. But we had a good chat over the phone which I did like.

Its good to hear you like to chat that you enjoy it, cruel may have been a bit harsh sorry.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Its good to hear you like to chat that you enjoy it, cruel may have been a bit harsh sorry.

No no its fine. You only meant well. Though she did invite me to her church. Under normal circumstances I would probably say yes but, I am not taking chances with this pandemic.

 

[BrokenLine]

No no its fine. You only meant well. Though she did invite me to her church. Under normal circumstances I would probably say yes but, I am not taking chances with this pandemic.

You could try going with a hazmat suit, but then you have to workout where to get one.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

You could try going with a hazmat suit, but then you have to workout where to get one.

Yeah I aint doing that lol. In a way it sucks. I would usually be hanging out with my bff more often and, going ot Nintendo world, etc. But everything is closed and I dont want to risk dying nor passing onto other older family members

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Im actually going to a cat cafe tomorrow. Something to look forward to

in the mean time I guess I could go for a walk today burn off some fat lol. I'll figure out something

 

[Mixo]

Im actually going to a cat cafe tomorrow. Something to look forward to

in the mean time I guess I could go for a walk today burn off some fat lol. I'll figure out something

Nice. Cat cafes are really fun. I went to one last year with my partner. One of them kept trying to eat my food but it was cute. Have fun.

 

[SoIntoYou]

A friend called me a few days ago and Told me they have been going out and making a bunch of new friends. And I have only managed to indulge in suicial thgouhs and contemplate ordering SN for all summer. I am such a afailure

I guess a part of me wants that social life of friends and a boyfriend and stuff but....when you have been abused by everyone in your entire life you begin to also hate humanity and keep to yourself. I feel I should be doing more. I want to do more. But I am also comfortable in my depression and suicidality and I feel at 22 I am running out of time. I could make a change but I dont want to make a change and ugh I dont make sense anymore

I'm sure there are great people in real life, but the chances of you meeting them are so so low. I prefer online friends, because I can get past the facelessness, and because it's easier to meet people with similar interests. Try finding that in a bar.

 

[waterbottleman]

I wish I wanted friends, but when I had friends as a teenager I kind of realized I didn't really fit in/my interests didn't fit with other people.

Most people are interested in sports, music, going to concerts/raves, anime, some Netflix show, etc.

The problem I have is that I'm just not a fun person, I don't have "fun" interests. I don't like sports or video games or going to concerts or Netflix shows, etc.

My interests are politics and the stock market, to a lesser extent fashion and cooking. But it's hard to talk to politics these days when people are so divided and take it personally when you disagree with them.

Idk I just don't fit in with other people, never really have.

I don't need friends, I don't really mind not having friends.

What I do need though is a pretty lady to sit on my lap while I drink beer and we watch the sunset together in peace. What I do need is a pretty lady I can take shopping, go to a beautiful flower garden with. What I need is a woman who enjoys being in my presence and I enjoy being in hers and we go on cute dates together and forget the rest of the world.

That's what I fucking want.

 

[Mixo]

I wish I wanted friends, but when I had friends as a teenager I kind of realized I didn't really fit in/my interests didn't fit with other people.

Most people are interested in sports, music, going to concerts/raves, anime, some Netflix show, etc.

The problem I have is that I'm just not a fun person, I don't have "fun" interests. I don't like sports or video games or going to concerts or Netflix shows, etc.

My interests are politics and the stock market, to a lesser extent fashion and cooking. But it's hard to talk to politics these days when people are so divided and take it personally when you disagree with them.

Idk I just don't fit in with other people, never really have.

I don't need friends, I don't really mind not having friends.

What I do need though is a pretty lady to sit on my lap while I drink beer and we watch the sunset together in peace. What I do need is a pretty lady I can take shopping, go to a beautiful flower garden with. What I need is a woman who enjoys being in my presence and I enjoy being in hers and we go on cute dates together and forget the rest of the world.

That's what I fucking want.

Your interests sound really good to me. I used to enjoy talking politics a few years ago, when my life didn't go to shit yet. I hope you find a nice girl who can be a loving companion to you. I don't know what is holding you back from attaining that, but there are a lot of different kinds of people in this world who are looking for different things. I hope you find her.