Venting Social Media and Needless Waiting

[EternalShore]

Life is so horrible, cruel, and annoying, I swear! >_< social media outside of SS is so awful! :/ It just makes me soo jealous and mad! >_< ofc, there's plenty of other cases, but just today, I happened to check a former online friend's social media after I saw it under the following for someone who had just followed me~ I scrolled down it, and saw him studying about Christianity in Japan for some project he had to do~ which makes me soooo jealous as I wish I could use my for-fun research for college stuff! >_< but nope! Nothing I do for fun is ever useful outside of that no matter how "educational" it is~ I'm probably even more knowledgeable about that topic than he is yet he gets to do a project about it! :/ ugh~ I scrolled down a bit below that and saw that he was talking about having a Christian gf~ which also made me jealous for 2 reasons~ One is the Christian part of that, since my bf is not presently Christian (missionary dating sucks but fingers crossed)~ The other is that I still have this urge to get jealous about people with gf's not because I want one (I am very happy being a girl with the best bf ever~!! love you~ <333 ) but because I still have those "save money and have more kids", "being trans is a sin," "marry a girl because you're biologically a boy" urges! :/ yes, being trans is not a sin, and but ofc, my family doesn't help one bit with all that! :/ constantly making jabs at me and being so, so incessantly ravenous about it! >_< Overall, social media just makes me even more jealous and exposes me to all sorts of bad things (which I do mute) but alas! >_<

And then, in addition, jobs, bureaucracy, and college are so horrid :/ everyone's heard that tho~ but why the heck does everything take LITERALLY forever!? I do literally everything day-of~

for example, when I got a parking ticket, I did the appeal process within 4 hours and was told it was approved. That is until the day after the literal last day of the semester over a month later where I checked my finances and saw that they had literally just fined me it! :/ why the heck didn't you do that earlier, so I could at least ask you about it in person where you have to respond? I sent them an email, but I know they're not going to respond~ :( What I am most infuriated about is how I can NEVER get that money back! I hate you guys! I wouldn't voluntarily pay my college police a cent~ And my mom OFC sides with them because they helped out my brother once, and "I needed to learn a lesson"~ They've pulled me over for nothing before and now, quite literally lied to my face! I HATE my college and its police! College tuition is basically extortion~ I'm paying 20k, and you still want me to pay more and make my life as difficult as possible due to constantly having to swim through bureaucracy! Give me a break! At least, my current college advisor isn't as quite literally trying to screw me over as much as they possibly can as my previous ones were~

Anyways, back to things that take forever~ Last year, I signed up for something which I needed to do in order to take more advanced classes. However, the college rejected my application the day before the week it would take place~ So I obviously saw it (email notifs) and respond within 2 hours with an appeal~ ofc, I was already quite mad because they gave themselves a whole month to respond under their own appeal thing! D: when I did it in 2 hours and needed a response back within the week! >_< They never even responded~ >:( Luckily, they accepted my request the next semester, but it's been like 2 months since I did it, and they never even told me whether I passed or failed it! :/ like come on~

This stuff is so tiring~ :( When I do stuff, I want a response in a reasonable amount of time~ :/ which I give but never get! >:( I have to check my emails constantly, but you don't have to check yours! :/ like come on!

now, today, I FINALLY got a response back from the job I applied for like a month and a half ago~ And they said NO! They didn't even say why! They just responded with "our ad" (they didn't have an ad, I looked around and discovered it myself) drew in "better" candidates~ so? Can't I know how these "candidates" are better! You didn't even email me, and I had to call you to make you even got my application after almost a month since submission! and ofc, because you guys responded SOOO late, I have to quickly try and get another job even though they're already all well in the process of being taken! >_< Thanks so much, bakas~

Meanwhile, my parents are still doing taxes from like 2019, so I know it's not going to get any better the longer I live~ Everyone else (the bureaucracy) takes their sweet time with everything but expects you to respond instantly! :/ Talk about double standards! >_< because if you don't respond instantly, they will just ignore it and say "you didn't do it within the time limit"~ Plus, my bf and his family have their own rounds of troubles with bureaucracy! >_< which concerning involves debt, is even more scary! D: I am and have been literally terrified of getting my wages garnished! Why the heck would I even work in that case? This dumb stuff never changes! >:(

My mom is kind-of a counselor/life coach btw~ She SUCKS~ Then again, I'm probably one of the worse people she has to deal with~ :/ There's really no hope for me~ :((( I am just destined to be cursed constantly by jealousy and all these horrors of life~ :( Plus, both my parents watched this guy called Tony Robbins and have only become even more insufferable to me since then~ :(

 

[Jiyuurakka]

I get annoyed by it as well, the communication between institutions and students is horrible. I've been experiencing some of that myself this past year, and it seems that no matter how much effort you put in, and how much ever you reach out, it's never enough and they want you to do more. It also deeply saddens me when I clearly see narcissists and demeaning people holding top positions. There is so much discrimination and bias running rampant in these institutions, unless you can suck it up, be humble to a fault, and pretend as if you don't have any dignity, you cannot get what you want. It's either you reach out, or silence. When you do reach out, expect to be disappointed.

Even when I possess the merit which I need to climb further, it disgusts me to see others being treated outright unfairly because of their lacking. People who have the passion, people who are actually interested in making a contribution, they are all but ignored. It only makes me aware of my own hypocrisy, makes me....sad. Anyone who's able to see through the vanity, not just of authority but of themselves, they will have a hard time pulling through, no matter where they are in life.

My rant aside, I hope you're able to pursue your interests and get the job you wanted. Self-help people suck, especially listening to them gushing about life and such. I'm an art and humanities at heart but pursuing something extremely different. I also have a deep seated interest in studying Christianity, it's so much fun! I only stick mostly to new testament scholarship and ancient christianities. None of that has any bearing in my education or getting a job though, wish I could make it one

 

[EternalShore]

I get annoyed by it as well, the communication between institutions and students is horrible. I've been experiencing some of that myself this past year, and it seems that no matter how much effort you put in, and how much ever you reach out, it's never enough and they want you to do more. It also deeply saddens me when I clearly see narcissists and demeaning people holding top positions. There is so much discrimination and bias running rampant in these institutions, unless you can suck it up, be humble to a fault, and pretend as if you don't have any dignity, you cannot get what you want. It's either you reach out, or silence. When you do reach out, expect to be disappointed.

Even when I possess the merit which I need to climb further, it disgusts me to see others being treated outright unfairly because of their lacking. People who have the passion, people who are actually interested in making a contribution, they are all but ignored. It only makes me aware of my own hypocrisy, makes me....sad. Anyone who's able to see through the vanity, not just of authority but of themselves, they will have a hard time pulling through, no matter where they are in life.

My rant aside, I hope you're able to pursue your interests and get the job you wanted. Self-help people suck, especially listening to them gushing about life and such. I'm an art and humanities at heart but pursuing something extremely different. I also have a deep seated interest in studying Christianity, it's so much fun! I only stick mostly to new testament scholarship and ancient christianities. None of that has any bearing in my education or getting a job though, wish I could make it one

I accidentally deleted my original response! :((( That's my luck for you~ :((( It'll be missing some stuff but alas~
I'm so sorry that you've been feeling all that bad stuff too! >_< unfortunately, it's not just you who has to deal with it~ :( and yup... as is natural for humans~ selfishness~ :/ wanting you to do everything and them to do nothing! >_< You practically need it to exist in this world without hating life unfortunately~ :(
yup... Narcissists and demeaning are the worst and yet one has to deal with them constantly! >_< Basically, submit yourself to them and hope they grant you mercy! >_< Last semester, I hated 3 professors, had mixed feelings on 1, and loved 2 [which I will never have again~ :(((]~ What about you? :D

yup... Nepotism and politically-expedience is awful too~ :( They don't even have to try and yet I can do too much and lose points for it! :/ unfortunately, without nepotism and politics on our side, we're just in a position to get used and abused by the higher-ups without being able to do anything to defend ourselves~ :( Altho, ngl, I'd practice nepotism too~ If someone is actually nice to me, they deserve it~

hehe~ Your rant was very entertaining for me! Thanks for sharing! ^_^ I agreed with lots of it! :D Me too! ^_^ and I hope whatever field you're going into instead is tolerable~ what is it if I might ask? :3 yup... self-help people are awful! >_< Maybe it'll work for the generic person but certainly not for me! When your goals weren't exactly aligned with what you truly wanted, it's rather useless~ hard to get excited to have a chance at being slightly less miserable to have a chance at being happy~ :/ oooo~ I love studying Christianity too! >w< It's sooo interesting! :DDD You should tell me about whatever research you're doing (if you wish)! I'd love to hear! ^_^ yeah... It'd be a nice job imo too~ I compile my research into YT videos sometimes, but unfortunately, 'tis very hard to get popular like that (especially with niche topics~ >_<)~

 

[EternalShore]

my parents stopped watching Tony Robbins at least~ xD That's good...

I haven't really said anything about my situation in a while tho~ It sucks tho because I need like a good, traditionalist Christian which doesn't spout a bunch of nonsense (as some more liberal ones do) but also isn't the epitome of hate (as some can be). And ofc, with this place being only like 12% Christian, that's not going to happen! >_< but it's like I can watch people's sermons on this stuff, but I just need some level of personal pastoral counseling for all this stuff... In a lot of sermons, sewer slide tends to be brushed off as being caused by transition when in fact, it is caused by the dysphoria itself. It'll always be present, but if I were able to delude myself better, it'd be significantly better... At the same time tho, unless a miracle happened which SHOCKING, it hasn't for over 6 FREAKING years. But the thing is~ even if I find that (which again, I only want it because my life is trash and needs a miracle)
So then, I'd need to get blessed to even be able to talk with someone who isn't just going to dismiss me completely, say dumb things, or go through the list of doctrines or whatever and call the cops when I try to sewer slide~ :/