Venting Social anxiety

[Azizw126]

I was diagnosed with social phobia in 2001 when i was 16. Until now I'm still suffering. Dropped out university because of presentations, quit countless jobs because of it,meeting new people is like being dragged to execution. Beside that i have sever clinical depression and GAD.
I ask myself everyday is it worth living aimlessly without self-esteem without motivation. I find it massively ridiculous for me with this age to have fear of social interaction. I can't have a partner because every time i have a date i come up with dumb excuses in the last minute to avoid being embarrassed.
No one around me understands my situation.
Therapy, CBT, pills didn't work for me at all.
Every time I have the physical symptoms like sweating, palpitations, tremors and shortness of breath i feel sorry for myself. It's indescribable.
My beloved friends, I'm suffering alone, my only friend i know as an expat told me yesterday that you are abusing me mentally because of your fucked up mental health, i felt dozens of knives penetrating my ribs when he said that.

Sometimes i feel I'm just spoiled and exaggerating thinking about ctb because there are millions of people suffering from crippling disabilities and painful illnesses and they don't whine about their struggles.
Guys do you think i have valid reasons to be suicidal all the time?
I don't know it's just the pain not bearable anymore.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I can relate a bit.

I'm 55 now , but I have quit numerous jobs because of panic attacks and catastrophic thinking
revolving around social anxiety .

It is a very alienating experience to put it mildly .

For me , I think it came from never trusting anyone as akid ... ( and what I refer to as toxic-socialization via a cult )
Always detached from people ...

I'm sorry your friend was hostile.

It feels like it is kind of natural ... our difficulties freak people out some times .

I'm peddling CPTSD awareness and secular meditation at the moment ... my latest fads for addressing how I feel "inside myself" that I think affects my behaviour around others . That's my take on it .

I would say that things can get stuck ... I was an alcoholic for 35 years ( and am still avoidant - using the internet , cigarettes and coffee ... and sleep ) and it seems my development was on ice that whole time .

Is there a volunteer opportunity available to address this maybe via a social worker ?
( I got some help with something like that ... I don't know how much it helped .)

It is a real nightmare so don't kick yourself for it .

My big challenge is accepting hugely reduced returns on efforts at 'adjusting and adapting' at my age ...
But everyone faces their own relative reality checks .

Sorry for the absence of concrete solutions , I just wanted to say I understand how awful it can be .

We live in a competitive and agressive world , and I think even the well adjusted go getters are sometimes
deeply unhappy and traumatized in some way - they just deal with it in extrovert ways ... bullying etc.

 

[Azizw126]

I can relate a bit.

I'm 55 now , but I have quit numerous jobs because of panic attacks and catastrophic thinking
revolving around social anxiety .

It is a very alienating experience to put it mildly .

For me , I think it came from never trusting anyone as akid ... ( and what I refer to as toxic-socialization via a cult )
Always detached from people ...

I'm sorry your friend was hostile.

It feels like it is kind of natural ... our difficulties freak people out some times .

I'm peddling CPTSD awareness and secular meditation at the moment ... my latest fads for addressing how I feel "inside myself" that I think affects my behaviour around others . That's my take on it .

I would say that things can get stuck ... I was an alcoholic for 35 years ( and am still avoidant - using the internet , cigarettes and coffee ... and sleep ) and it seems my development was on ice that whole time .

Is there a volunteer opportunity available to address this maybe via a social worker ?
( I got some help with something like that ... I don't know how much it helped .)

It is a real nightmare so don't kick yourself for it .

My big challenge is accepting hugely reduced returns on efforts at 'adjusting and adapting' at my age ...
But everyone faces their own relative reality checks .

Sorry for the absence of concrete solutions , I just wanted to say I understand how awful it can be .

We live in a competitive and agressive world , and I think even the well adjusted go getters are sometimes
deeply unhappy and traumatized in some way - they just deal with it in extrovert ways ... bullying etc.

Thanks for your reply. For the moment i just surrendered and rose the white flag. I have this overwhelming desire not to seek solutions or help. Hope became horrific concept for me because hope will keep me fighting again and again and I'm exhausted. Mental struggle is like a huge ugly ogre to me without having the equipment to fight it. I loathe society, system and the whole universe.

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I was diagnosed with social phobia in 2001 when i was 16. Until now I'm still suffering. Dropped out university because of presentations, quit countless jobs because of it,meeting new people is like being dragged to execution. Beside that i have sever clinical depression and GAD.
I ask myself everyday is it worth living aimlessly without self-esteem without motivation. I find it massively ridiculous for me with this age to have fear of social interaction. I can't have a partner because every time i have a date i come up with dumb excuses in the last minute to avoid being embarrassed.
No one around me understands my situation.
Therapy, CBT, pills didn't work for me at all.
Every time I have the physical symptoms like sweating, palpitations, tremors and shortness of breath i feel sorry for myself. It's indescribable.
My beloved friends, I'm suffering alone, my only friend i know as an expat told me yesterday that you are abusing me mentally because of your fucked up mental health, i felt dozens of knives penetrating my ribs when he said that.

Sometimes i feel I'm just spoiled and exaggerating thinking about ctb because there are millions of people suffering from crippling disabilities and painful illnesses and they don't whine about their struggles.
Guys do you think i have valid reasons to be suicidal all the time?
I don't know it's just the pain not bearable anymore.

So I see you falling into a trap that gets me all the time as well. Comparing your problems to other's. You can't do that. Someone will always have it worse than you. But that doesn't make your current problems any less valid. Your reasons are your reasons. You don't have to justify them to anybody.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

Thanks for your reply. For the moment i just surrendered and rose the white flag. I have this overwhelming desire not to seek solutions or help. Hope became horrific concept for me because hope will keep me fighting again and again and I'm exhausted. Mental struggle is like a huge ugly ogre to me without having the equipment to fight it. I loathe society, system and the whole universe.

Can't say I blame you.
I hesitated to reply because I have no answers.

From my own perspective it feels like accepting a shit deal .
I just wanted to emphasise the idea that it is a real - if mystifyingly difficult to address - problem/illness/nightmare .

 

[Azizw126]

Can't say I blame you.
I hesitated to reply because I have no answers.

From my own perspective it feels like accepting a shit deal .
I just wanted to emphasise the idea that it is a real - if mystifyingly difficult to address - problem/illness/nightmare .

Don't get me wrong, i wasn't referring to your reply, sorry for not being clear. I just wanted to disclose my feelings
Sorry again.

So I see you falling into a trap that gets me all the time as well. Comparing your problems to other's. You can't do that. Someone will always have it worse than you. But that doesn't make your current problems any less valid. Your reasons are your reasons. You don't have to justify them to anybody.

Thank you . I really wish people understand that not every reason has to be justified

 

[JimFord99]

You are not alone Azizw126, many people suffer the same, most less than you are (including me) some are worse off. So you don't suffer alone. Many here do understand your situation

 

[Azizw126]

You are not alone Azizw126, many people suffer the same, most less than you are (including me) some are worse off. So you don't suffer alone. Many here do understand your situation

 

[moon_r4]

I'm diagnosed with it too. Had problems with it since I was 12-13 (in 20s now). Don't have any friends left and find it really hard to have any kind of conversation with strangers. Pretty much the only people I speak to are mental health workers.

I found benzos helped a little but no other meds have helped at all. I had a little bit of success with graded exposure but that's about it.
You're definitely not spoiled or exaggerating, it's a serious disorder and other people having different kinds of problems doesn't change that.

 

[notjustyetagain]

meeting new people is like being dragged to execution

Quoted. For. Truth.

 

[Chalken]

I have social anxiety too, so you are definitely not alone. Being in public, let alone interacting with others is difficult and exhausting. It feels like this world wasn't made for people like you and me. Your struggles are valid, no matter how little they are and you're not exaggerating. I often have the same thoughts, that others have it worse, but pain is relative. What someone would find one thing easy to deal with, others would find it debilitating.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I also have this and it had ruined my life. Though now it seems to loosen it's grip a little so I can at least approach people successfully. I haven't really figured it all out myself yet so all I can say is that I hope you're doing ok and that you're not alone. <3

 

[SawItOnce]

Sometimes i feel I'm just spoiled and exaggerating thinking about ctb because there are millions of people suffering from crippling disabilities and painful illnesses and they don't whine about their struggles.

What you described *is* a crippling disability and painful illness...
And how did you reach the conclusion that they don't whine?

My big challenge is accepting hugely reduced returns on efforts at 'adjusting and adapting' at my age ...

Man... sorry to hear that it only got harder for you. This "hugely reduced returns" is so true in many areas of social functioning, I'm beginning to get a fairly full taste of it (I'm 4x now), but I believe relief from social anxiety is possible to begin at any age, given that some additional mental illnesses don't intervene and that the person suffering from it is approached in a very personalized way, very very personalized way, to the point of molding science to embrace their situation, rather then trying to define them with the currently established psychological science.

 

[justanotherday]

I have it too and it has ruined my life. It effects me with jobs in particular. I either get fired, or I quit because it effects my performance. I am terrified of speaking to groups of people. I cannot take it much longer.

 

[Azizw126]

I have it too and it has ruined my life. It effects me with jobs in particular. I either get fired, or I quit because it effects my performance. I am terrified of speaking to groups of people. I cannot take it much longer.

I feel you my dear. It prevents me from living my life normally and i stay home from working up until going back to bed