So tired

[Deleted member 15256]

Talked to my sister today. We live in different countries. I am open about ctb with my family now, they are too far away to be able to stop me. And I am all by my own here.
She wants me to start a treatment again, to give life another chance.
But I am so tired. All I want is to rest.
I really don't know if I can handle until the end of January (my son is coming). Maybe is better to leave before.
I can't function anymore. Probably won't be able to go back to work when the holidays are over...
My son is coming to meet me in these conditions. I don't want him to see me this way

 

[KleinerWolf]

What's the reason for your ctb?

 

[Deleted member 15256]

What's the reason for your ctb?

Depression and anxiety.
I used to be this perfect mother and wife. And now I can't even leave my apartment. I don't even recognize the person that I used to be.
I tried to get better, but I can't. And it's getting worse and worse

 

[KleinerWolf]

Depression and anxiety.
I used to be this perfect mother and wife. And now I can't even leave my apartment. I don't even recognize the person that I used to be.
I tried to get better, but I can't. And it's getting worse and worse

Wish I could help you.

depression anxiety sounds simple,
hard to beat in people's specific situation however :(

 

[Deleted member 15256]

Wish I could help you.

depression anxiety sounds simple,
hard to beat in people's specific situation however :(

Thank you.
It is really hard... at first I couldn't accept what was happening to me, neither understand

 

[KleinerWolf]

Thank you.
It is really hard... at first I couldn't accept what was happening to me, neither understand

Hopefully if you already have access to mental health services/resources,
they are able to help you somewhat

 

[I screwed up]

Anxiety and depression can be really .mentally crippling ... Its not as simple as it sounds .. Even I suffer from the same and it's my cause for ctb too. I totally understand ur situation @sami

 

[Deleted member 15256]

Hopefully if you already have access to mental health services/resources,
they are able to help you somewhat

Isn't helping... I had moments when things got better, but went downhill again

Anxiety and depression can be really .mentally crippling ... Its not as simple as it sounds .. Even I suffer from the same and it's my cause for ctb too. I totally understand ur situation @sami

Thank you. It's a constant fight

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Might your son's visit serve to lift your spirits any?
It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. If your son's visit might be a source of joy for you, maybe it's worth staying for that and looking forward to it. Even if it meant one more happy memory before leaving this mortal coil...

 

[Deleted member 15256]

Might your son's visit serve to lift your spirits any?
It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. If your son's visit might be a source of joy for you, maybe it's worth staying for that and looking forward to it. Even if it meant one more happy memory before leaving this mortal coil...

Been thinking about it.
Make sure he is doing ok here, spend some time together. I miss him so much

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Been thinking about it.
Make sure he is doing ok here, spend some time together. I miss him so much

This honestly sounds like something that might be worthwhile to you. I hope you can stick it out so you get to experience this happy moment. I also hope that the anticipation brings you some joy as well.