Venting So thirsty

[willitpass]

I've been restricting my fluids still, aiming for 20oz absolute max, probably closer to 10-15 on average. I've also been taking somewhat large quantities of pills for my daily overdosing. Since my mouth is dry because of the dehydration, I have to take them with a drink, I'm not producing enough saliva to dry swallow anymore. I try to tell myself one drink allowed with every set of pills, but my body craves it. The feeling of thirt subsides until I get that one drink and I suddenly have a ravenous urge to chug the whole glass. I don't, but I instinctively take one or two extra drinks. It's like something primitive comes over me. It was so much easier when I still had enough saliva to dry swallow.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Consider perhaps it's not that a primitive thing has arisen but that a conscious thing has subsided, and primitive things are constant

Why? Who knows.

You're incredibly strong <3

 

[anhedonya]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish it felt safe for you to eat and drink. You deserve to have the pizza you mentioned and a glass of water. I hope someday you no longer have this urge to self-destruct, and I really do believe in you :( Always will.

 

[Esokabat]

I am probably missing something but wouldn't this method cause organ failure, especially kidneys, which in turn will cause a very painful, excruciating death? Are you purposely trying to have a painful death? Most people here are chasing and willing to travel thousands of miles for a peaceful CTB.
This has a really good chance to be extremely painful before going into organ failure and probably coma. It is your full right to do this but aren't there any method that doesn't involve so much self-torture? I am not the most empathetic person due to my autism and I probably don't have the ability to understand why cause self torture. I have heard of very weak elderly people to withdraw from food and water but they usually to weak to eat and drink anyway and they usually quickly pass once they stop drinking and eating. For a healthy person, this can be a much longer and much more painful process. Are you elderly?

 

[willitpass]

I am probably missing something but wouldn't this method cause organ failure, especially kidneys, which in turn will cause a very painful, excruciating death? Are you purposely trying to have a painful death? Most people here are chasing and willing to travel thousands of miles for a peaceful CTB.
This has a really good chance to be extremely painful before going into organ failure and probably coma. It is your full right to do this but aren't there any method that doesn't involve so much self-torture? I am not the most empathetic person due to my autism and I probably don't have the ability to understand why cause self torture. I have heard of very weak elderly people to withdraw from food and water but they usually to weak to eat and drink anyway and they usually quickly pass once they stop drinking and eating. For a healthy person, this can be a much longer and much more painful process. Are you elderly?

This isn't a method, it's a form of self harm that very much can and I believe will kill me. My body is tired and if I keep down this path I believe I may die in the calendar year. I have tried VSED before many years back and that method takes willpower even beyond what I have. I do, however, have an eating disorder and an unbelievably fucked up mind that compels me to restrict my food and water intake as well as take daily overdoses of Tylenol, Aspirin, and ibuprofen. Not a CTB method, but very much a lethal form of self harm. I've been on this restriction/overdose regimen for weeks now and yes, it is extremely painful. The pain gets worse by the day. The brain fog is horrendous. The fatigue is unimaginable. I am not longer able to keep up with what is required of me due to it. I know it doesn't make sense, but my mind demands that's I torture myself and cause myself as much pain as possible.

 

[final_countdown12]

but my mind demands that's I torture myself and cause myself as much pain as possible.

Do you have any idea of the reasons your mind demands that? Looks like extremely painfull

 

[willitpass]

Do you have any idea of the reasons your mind demands that? Looks like extremely painfull

A lifetime of severe treatment resistant mental health issues that I ran out of treatment options for years ago. My mind has been fucked since I was a child, I am incapable of seeing myself as worthy of comfort.
The pain is so bad I can't get comfortable to sleep. My back aches so horribly. My knees and ankles. Fuck. And nothing I can do about it when I'm already on multiple times the dose of all pain killers.

 

[willitpass]

It seems it might just be a sleepless night. I cannot find a position that eases the pain. Oh well. I deserve it.

 

[willitpass]

I keep waking up out of my sleep feeling beyond horrific. Impending doom almost, it's waking me up out of my sleep. My body is throwing out every alarm bell it can.

 

[anhedonya]

I wish I knew what I could say to help you see yourself in a positive light. Is there no way you'd consider reaching out to a friend again? Making plans to meet again?

 

[Anhaedra]

I'm currently dehydrating myself too in hope I'd die. it's been 2 days, I don't even feel anything anymore, just that feeling of doom you were talking about.

 

[willitpass]

I'm so nauseous I haven't been able to fall back asleep.
I ended up throwing up on an empty stomach and the nausea is gone but now the back pain is even worse and I'm having sharp pain lower in my abdomen. I'm so tired I just want to sleep.