spark
bleh.
- May 8, 2025
- 35
I'm a 20 y/o transfem/nonbinary being living in Germany.
I've started transitioning roughly two years ago, while still living on the street.
I ran away from abuse at home when I was turning 15, have made first attempts to end myself at the age of 12 and also tried running away a couple of times.
I've been through a lot of physical and psychological abuse, CSA, got threatened and robbed on the street,
Don't even feel like traumadumping. Let's just say, it's been a lot.
I am in constant pain because of chronic illness and injury that I suffered from police violence,
housing is still a very big struggle too. Been just constantly "on the move" the last 5 years. It's so tiring,
not having a place that's just mine
Never feeling like I actually belong somewhere
So many things in my life turned out just like I absolutely never wanted them to, feel like the only constant at this point is my drug abuse.
I have such precious partners and friends and I love them. It's not like the connections I have aren't worth sticking around for, they're what kept me going all this fucking time
But I'm out of energy
I don't know what to do
I don't see another way
And the thought of dying just brings me so much comfort especially now that I decided on a nice method and wouldn't even have to go alone.
On one hand, I really wanna go through and die
On the other, I wanna see my people live and stick with them.
Can't have both.
Don't expect anyone to make the decision for me and I know that no one here would push me in either direction
Fuck me. qwq
Maybe ppl will actually care abt my art when I'm dead lol
Might just be hoping for some kind words
I've started transitioning roughly two years ago, while still living on the street.
I ran away from abuse at home when I was turning 15, have made first attempts to end myself at the age of 12 and also tried running away a couple of times.
I've been through a lot of physical and psychological abuse, CSA, got threatened and robbed on the street,
Don't even feel like traumadumping. Let's just say, it's been a lot.
I am in constant pain because of chronic illness and injury that I suffered from police violence,
housing is still a very big struggle too. Been just constantly "on the move" the last 5 years. It's so tiring,
not having a place that's just mine
Never feeling like I actually belong somewhere
So many things in my life turned out just like I absolutely never wanted them to, feel like the only constant at this point is my drug abuse.
I have such precious partners and friends and I love them. It's not like the connections I have aren't worth sticking around for, they're what kept me going all this fucking time
But I'm out of energy
I don't know what to do
I don't see another way
And the thought of dying just brings me so much comfort especially now that I decided on a nice method and wouldn't even have to go alone.
On one hand, I really wanna go through and die
On the other, I wanna see my people live and stick with them.
Can't have both.
Don't expect anyone to make the decision for me and I know that no one here would push me in either direction
Fuck me. qwq
Maybe ppl will actually care abt my art when I'm dead lol
Might just be hoping for some kind words
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