So, my mom died

[Sweetcheeks]

My mom died two days ago.
I don't know what to say.
I'm angry. I really sad. There's been so much death in my family in the last 10 years.
Lost my cousin to suicide and quite honestly I don't agree with this website and I just need somewhere to talk about what's actually going on.
Some people don't want to hear what's actually happening. Or at least it feels like its too sensitive a subject because it's so painful.
I've been struggling with suicide attempts since I was 13 and I'm 35 now.
We all have times when we consider ending our lives I think? But I feel it looming over me.
I think I've made a plan.
I'm going to gather my pictures, go to a hotel and overdose.
Or atleast that's how the pain feels right now.
Not immediate or anything, but when I finally break.
When I can't handle it anymore.
Please don't think this is my easy way out.
It's not easy at all.
Thank you for listening.
Sweetcheeks is what my mom used to call me.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm really sorry about you losing your mom. I know what it feels like as I lost my mom a few years ago. Was her death by natural causes? What don't you agree with this website about? That everyone should have autonomy over their own person?

 

[ramon]

I wish I could tell you how sorry I am for your lost.

Unfortunately, I didn't know neither your mother, nor your cousin. Unfortunately, I don't feel the pain you feel, right now. Unfortunately I cannot be there for you to, at least, give you a pat on the back.

I wish I could tell you what to do, but no one except you can figure out what to do with your life.

What I'd dare to tell you is to please give yourself some time to, at least, try to heal a wound or two on your soul. You know that, as the dust settles, you'll be able to see more clearly what choice to make.

If it helps, I also have been suicidal since I was a kid and after a lot going through my life, I feel like CTB is the best choice for me. It may not be for you; but whatever choice you make, make it with the clear thought you can only get with time.

 

[depressedinsomniac]

Hmmm overdose on what exactly? You may want to review the stickied non methods thread...