Discussion So Many People Leaving Right Now

[BlueWidow]

I don't know about others on here, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed about the number of people who have been leaving in recent days and weeks. I'm sure it has something to do with the time of the year it is, just after the holidays. I know lots of people were waiting until after the holidays to go. I'm actually doing the same and will probably go at some point very soon as well.

I just thought I'd create a thread for people to talk about how they're feeling with so many people leaving in such a short space of time. Of course, I'm not trying to make the people who are leaving feel bad or guilty. There's no reason for anyone to feel that way. Eventually we all intend to leave the site in one way or another, either through ctb, recovery, or for some other reason.

Anyway, I just wanted to create a thread where people could talk about it if they'd like to. I hope I put it in the right topic section. I wasn't sure whether to put it in the suicide discussion section or off topic.

 

[56709]

That was my main reason for waiting up to now...
I was waiting until the holidays passed so that it didn't interfere with them... I wouldn't want my family to associate my death with Christmas and the new year either.

 

[BlueWidow]

That was my main reason for waiting up to now...
I was waiting until the holidays passed so that it didn't interfere with them... I wouldn't want my family to associate my death with Christmas and the new year either.

Same here. In some ways, it kind of seems to me it might be easier to go in the near future when lots of other people are also going.

 

[Farmmaa]

I've also just been waiting for the right time.
Waiting for the holidays to be behind us, waiting until after my grandsons birthday .. and waiting for my package to arrive.
It arrived today - so I will also be leaving as soon as I finish tying up loose ends at home.

 

[mediocre]

I'm saddened by this also. I wish I had just one ounce of their courage. Unfortunately I don't.

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm saddened by this also. I wish I had just one ounce of their courage. Unfortunately I don't.

Yes, I am committed to ctb. But I know in that moment, it's probably not going to be as easy as I hope it will be. That's why it's so frustrating when people talk about suicide being the easy way out. There's nothing easy about it. I, too, admire the strength and courage of the people who have gone before me and I hope to draw from it.

 

[Fragile]

regardless of the season, one never gets used to friends and members leaving. the reaction of this community is very beautiful and supporting, but goodbye threads also fill me with sadness. i'm glad that they will find peace and end their pain, but it also means that a friend or a member is never going to come back, never getting to talk to them and see their threads, replies, messages, all gone.

then to see their name crossed...

i wonder if someone will feel the same when i'm gone.

 

[BlueWidow]

regardless of the season, one never gets used to friends and members leaving. the reaction of this community is very beautiful and supporting, but goodbye threads also fill me with sadness. i'm glad that they will find peace and end their pain, but it also means that a friend or a member is never going to come back, never getting to talk to them and see their threads, replies, messages, all gone.

then to see their name crossed...

i wonder if someone will feel the same when i'm gone.

I feel bad when I see anyone's name crossed out, even if I didn't know them very well, especially if I know they ctb. I feel happy that their suffering has ended, but sad that I won't ever see them again on here also. I will miss seeing you on here. I'm sure many people will.
Not everyone who leaves ctb though.
They might've left to recover or for some other reason.
Or they might have gotten banned. I see you've been here for a while, so you were probably here a few months ago when we had a scammer that got banned. I'm hoping there aren't any more of those on here now though.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

It's been a bit overwhelming for me. I've lost alot of good friends lately. That's the nature of this place though as Stan would always say.

 

[Azzy69]

Lost 3 friends within a month & miss them all dearly

 

[BlueWidow]

It's been a bit overwhelming for me. I've lost alot of good friends lately. That's the nature of this place though as Stan would always say.

That may have been when the shift started for me (and many others who were here at the time I suspect) was when Stan was gone. To me, it almost feels like this place was one way when he was here and it was completely changed after he was gone. And since then many others have left and it has continued to change. That sounds like something he would say and, of course, he's right. He was always very wise.
And by the way, I was so happy to see you on here again. I didn't see you for a couple of days and I wondered where you were.

 

[Fragile]

I feel bad when I see anyone's name crossed out, even if I didn't know them very well, especially if I know they ctb. I feel happy that their suffering has ended, but sad that I won't ever see them again on here also. I will miss seeing you on here. I'm sure many people will.
Not everyone who leaves ctb though.
They might've left to recover or for some other reason.
Or they might have gotten banned. I see you've been here for a while, so you were probably here a few months ago when we had a scammer that got banned. I'm hoping there aren't any more of those on here now though.

yes i know that some members get banned or just leave to recover, but i was referring to the ones that made a goodbye post with the intent to CTB, seeing their names crossed is really hard when knowing what happened.

oh and the scammer you mention, that was really shocking. i never expected that person to be a scammer, it really took be by surprise.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That may have been when the shift started for me (and many others who were here at the time I suspect) was when Stan was gone. To me, it almost feels like this place was one way when he was here and it was completely changed after he was gone. And since then many others have left and it has continued to change. That sounds like something he would say and, of course, he's right. He was always very wise.
And by the way, I was so happy to see you on here again. I didn't see you for a couple of days and I wondered where you were.

Thank you for the concern! I had to take a few days off. You're definitely one of my favorites. I enjoy your heartfelt posts.

It saddens me to hear you say your time is coming soon as well though. But I totally understand at the same time.

I think you're right too about when Stan left. It set off a chain reaction almost. This place feels way different from when I joined and it's only been since October.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Waiting until after the holidays is one of the kindest things you can do for your loved ones. I admire everyone who was willing to suffer to do this.

 

[TrailerTrash]

I've been waiting too but will be going in a few weeks ... have lost three friends here recently

 

[Fragile]

Waiting until after the holidays is one of the kindest things you can do for your loved ones. I admire everyone who was willing to suffer to do this.

i agree 100%, ruining a special day for the family and close friends is just too cruel in my opinion, i respect the ones that do it during this season because it's their right. but i just have to wait because this season has a lot of meaning to them, after all my pain will only last a few more months, their pain will last for years and even longer if i do it during a holiday

 

[Lady black]

I´m glad for them, that they can leave this world and would never feel fear an pain again. But it´s also hard to loose people here, cause most are really nice. I will also do the same, so time will end soon. I also think people all over the world suffering more and more every year, so the number of people leaving this way wil get bigger and bigger...

 

[BlueWidow]

I´m glad for them, that they can leave this world and would never feel fear an pain again. But it´s also hard to loose people here, cause most are really nice. I will also do the same, so time will end soon. I also think people all over the world suffering more and more every year, so the number of people leaving this way wil get bigger and bigger...

I'm sure there will be no shortage of people joining this site in the future. I hope it sticks around for a long time to help those who need it and have nowhere else to turn.
Many thanks and applause for the people who created this site and keep it going.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

It overwhelms me to the point it just strengthens my desire to end my life. It's too much emptiness in my mind and my heart. I try not to cry when someone leaves and also when someone doesn't leave a goodbye thread and just leaves without saying anything. It hurts.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

i agree 100%, ruining a special day for the family and close friends is just too cruel in my opinion, i respect the ones that do it during this season because it's their right. but i just have to wait because this season has a lot of meaning to them, after all my pain will only last a few more months, their pain will last for years and even longer if i do it during a holiday

You are such a kindhearted person.

 

[GinaIsReady]

I've only lost one friend recently, I can't imagine being of the the people who lost three. It fucking hurts and my heart goes out to everyone else that's hurting too.

Like several others mentioned, I wanted to wait until after the holidays so as not to fuck up any family members' future holidays. I have a few things I need to see to and do a couple things I want to and then I'll be ready. I am hoping I can cross my name out this month. Just so tired. So ready. A little scared too, I guess.

 

[Lady black]

I wish you good luck, hope my name is also crossed out forever then

 

[Deleted member 1465]

That may have been when the shift started for me (and many others who were here at the time I suspect) was when Stan was gone. To me, it almost feels like this place was one way when he was here and it was completely changed after he was gone. And since then many others have left and it has continued to change. That sounds like something he would say and, of course, he's right. He was always very wise.
And by the way, I was so happy to see you on here again. I didn't see you for a couple of days and I wondered where you were.

I have been feeling exactly the same way. Things shifted when Stan left. Personally, I'm devastated by the loss of BPD_LE. I now find it hard to post. New people are coming through and who knows how long they will remain? Its tough to be left behind; I want to support people, but how do I go through it again? It almost feels callous, just letting my old friends go and talking to new people. I want to support folks and I need that support myself too, but right now I'm finding it very difficult.

I'm also aware that we talk about suicide as if its a trip down to the sodding chemist sometimes. We even have an acronym for it so we won't have to say it. The real deal is a different thing all together and I bet everyone who has the courage/stupidity to hurt and kill themselves probably regrets it as it happens, even if it genuinely is the only way to try and escape the suffering many of us feel. I face that myself on a day to day basis. I don't know whether I lack courage or just have a stupidly high survival instinct. The past few weeks have left me feeling very conflicted, but I understand that is normal and to be expected. In fact, I think if you don't feel conflicted about killing yourself, you are either very wise or very deluded. I'm starting to believe their is very little difference between wisdom and delusion.

If none of this makes sense, I'm not surprised. The more I learn about myself and life, the less any of it makes sense to me.

 

[chris8000]

Yeah this site has a quick turnover of users. I cried when Ark wrote his goodbye post. I never thought that would happen with someone I didn't know well and only through an online forum, but I liked reading Ark's posts and I respected him for what he said.

It might be if you feel as conflicted as you describe @Underscore , maybe there is a better way for you.

For myself, I have unbearable suffering for the forseeable future, and I truly think, deep down, it is the best move for me. If there was another way back I could see, even if it was difficult and it took ages, I'd do it.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I have been feeling exactly the same way. Things shifted when Stan left. Personally, I'm devastated by the loss of BPD_LE. I now find it hard to post. New people are coming through and who knows how long they will remain? Its tough to be left behind; I want to support people, but how do I go through it again? It almost feels callous, just letting my old friends go and talking to new people. I want to support folks and I need that support myself too, but right now I'm finding it very difficult.

I'm also aware that we talk about suicide as if its a trip down to the sodding chemist sometimes. We even have an acronym for it so we won't have to say it. The real deal is a different thing all together and I bet everyone who has the courage/stupidity to hurt and kill themselves probably regrets it as it happens, even if it genuinely is the only way to try and escape the suffering many of us feel. I face that myself on a day to day basis. I don't know whether I lack courage or just have a stupidly high survival instinct. The past few weeks have left me feeling very conflicted, but I understand that is normal and to be expected. In fact, I think if you don't feel conflicted about killing yourself, you are either very wise or very deluded. I'm starting to believe their is very little difference between wisdom and delusion.

If none of this makes sense, I'm not surprised. The more I learn about myself and life, the less any of it makes sense to me.

I didn't think BPD_LE's leaving would affect me as much as I thought and now I find it hard posting memes now.
If it makes you feel any better, life never made any sense since the beginning.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

Yes, it's overwhelming and sad. I have to take a brake from the forum.

 

[Jean4]

It's the time of year and unfortunately to be expected.

If anybody needs to talk, I will be here. PM me. I am here.

I didn't think BPD_LE's leaving would affect me as much as I thought and now I find it hard posting memes now.
If it makes you feel any better, life never made any sense since the beginning.

It's a good thing her death is affecting you. It meant her life mattered. You just gave her the highest compliment there is.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I figured it was a time of year thing too. Holidays can be very rough on people in general.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

It's the time of year and unfortunately to be expected.

If anybody needs to talk, I will be here. PM me. I am here.

It's a good thing her death is affecting you. It meant her life mattered. You just gave her the highest compliment there is.

I mean I wouldn't consider her death affecting me a good thing. Cause it means I'm suffering. Suffering isn't a good thing in my book. It's never a good thing. I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore but there are still people suffering here including me.
(I'm a realistic person)

 

[Jean4]

I mean I wouldn't consider her death affecting me a good thing. Cause it means I'm suffering. Suffering isn't a good thing in my book. It's never a good thing. I'm glad that she's not suffering anymore but there are still people suffering here including me.
(I'm a realistic person)

Depends. I am suffering every single second of every single day since Stan left me. This pain is greater than I could have imagined. When the pain gets so great that I literally can't breathe and am curled up in a fetal position, I go to his thread and talk to him.

The pain for me is actually getting worse as time goes by.

However, I am glad I have that pain. I am glad I am suffering.

Yes. I know that sounds insane. But I look at it this way. I know how much pain and suffering I am in which will never go away.

However, Stan was my world. I loved him. I know he loved me. In different circumstances, I would have moved to the UK and we would have lived happily ever after.

His pain was so much greater than mine, that love didn't matter. I cannot fathom what kind of pain that was.

I would rather take any pain and suffering thrown my way knowing that he is out of it and is at peace.

BPD was one of Stan's protégés. She is with him right now which is where she wanted to be and honestly, where I so desperately want to be.

When you feel your pain, keep that in the back of your head. She is where she wanted to be, is out of her pain, and is at peace... and smile for her.