So many options yet I'm a coward

[superfly78]

I wish to die but I'm a coward who won't actually do anything. I sort of hope to die in an accident or by a madman. For example someone pushes me off the building or onto the track instead of some unwilling passerby. But I am a
c o w a r d. I live high enough to jump off and die, can order online chemicals (deadly) that aren't accessible in other countries but I won't, travel everyday by metro which doesn't have any barriers but here I am, live in a city that has huge river with strong currents that noone could survive and during the night it would be sure death. So many options that would certainly (okay maybe 97%) kill me but I simply cannot do it. Why? No idea, it's like my body is not cooperating and my mind can't force it. It's amazing I was having those thoughts for so long yet I'm still alive and keep getting older. Ehhh another year came anyway, despite everything. Wishing everyone all the best

 

[Deepdense]

You might be subconsciously holding onto some hope. If you have hope then it's for a reason. At the very least you should give yourself a month or two to see if it leads anywhere.

 

[MrNobody88]

Maybe you are coward but ending your whole existence is no simple decision. Even though a lot of people suffer, life is all we have and ending it is not easy. If it was easy I would be dead already so don't beat yourself up. I'm planning on using a pistol so there's always that thought that maybe I'll botch it and survive, or will my last moments be absolutely agonizing. So Im a coward too when it comes to the deed.