In case anyone isn't familiar with what's been going on in my life (not that it matters, let's be honest) and why I've come to this decision, I'm going to do a brief outline, and then continue with more recent events.
My (m45) xW (f42) and I were together for almost 25 years before separating in early '22. We continued to live together for financial reasons. I lived at the far end of the house in the master bedroom, and she slept on the sectional, which was adjacent to my son's (21) and daughter's (19) rooms, for well over a year before we finally sold the house. She bought a new house in a rush and used some B lender and is therefore paying some obscenely high interest rate (she wouldn't tell me the damage). Of course, my children are going to be paying her rent, and so she basically mortgaged their futures for her own selfish reasons. But that's another story. Anyways, the sleeping arrangement got to be that way because we had a big argument one night, after which she slept on the couch for 5 nights. On the 6th night, I basically told her she was being ridiculous and that she needed to come back down to the marital bed and work this out, which started another argument. Even suggested marriage counselling, which she declined..which showed me she was checked out. She never did sleep in our bed again..however, she did say that she was 'planning' on coming back down on that 6th night, but because I 'started' another argument by asking why she was doing this, she stayed out there..for what turned out to be the next 13-14 months. Whatever. And yes, we continued to have sex during this time, albeit less frequently (it was at least every day for at 24 years before that, so we had sex 7500-10,000 times at minimum).
And yet, even after spending all of that time together, vacations, outings, raising children, good times, bad times..She went colder than ice, acting liked I never mattered to her, treating me like a stranger. It fucking hurt. A lot. She even coached my daughter to be against me. Even today, she rarely texts me. And if I send her a message like 'Hello Sweetheart, just texting you to tell you that I love you and that I hope you have a great day!', she leaves me on 'unread' for days, and that is if she responds. My son works midnights stocking shelves at a grocery store. I drive him to and from work for every single shift. Anything he needs, I am there. We go fishing together. We go to the movies. But my daughter..she blocks me out. She met a new boyfriend online from the United States (we're in Ontario Canada), and she is in love. So I understand it to a degree.
But anyways, back to my wife and I.. Night after night, I laid in our bed, biding my time, and thinking about what I could do to fix this. Until one night, after I confronted her via text, she came storming down the hall and smashed open my door, fracturing the wood around the door-knob and screaming "I can't wait until you are out of my life!!"..
There is much more to that, but that is the jist. After she said that, I knew she was done.
Once the house sold, I looked at some places, and the rents were insanely high. My father convinced me to move into the fully finished basement. I have a HUGE rec room all to myself, 500gb internet, a new LG C2 OLED, PS5, Switch, etc etc. But I'm still very depressed. I've lost my family, have no job (I was fired but took a buyout), and am now on employment insurance.
I haven't talked to my father since last Wednesday. He was on the phone with my sister (who is crazier than me) and I came upstairs to throw the squirrels in the back yard some peanuts, as we often do. He ended the call, clearly annoyed with my sister about something, and began to lay into me for no reason. He told me that I was weak and stupid, among other things, and so I said that's enough, ended the convo, and went downstairs. Some time later, I got in my car and picked up a pizza. When I got home, he saw the pizza and said 'Why the fuck did you buy that pizza, I cooked pork-chops tonight!', as if everything was okay and what he said was acceptable. Well, I exploded and verbally undressed him, we haven't spoken since Wednesday. He's made no attempt to apologize or talk to me. As if I am the one who needs to come crawling back to him. Fuck no, that's not happening.
But you know what, guys? His comments just hit me really hard. I've been trying to do my best. Been struggling with the loss of my family, loss of my job, and he just says shit like that when I'm already really down and really hurting. I've been in a really bad mental state for almost a week. His verbal abuse goes back to my teen years. It was always 'you're a fuck up, you're an idiot, etc'..just things like that, constantly. When the Stephen King It TV movie came out in the 90s, I got this magazine that had pull out posters of the clown..Well I put these posters up on my bedroom wall, because I loved that movie and I was really into horror. He came in one day and saw them, ripped them down, and told me I was sick in the head, that kind of stuff. Always negative, no matter what I did.
Last night, I had a dream that felt so real. My xW, son, daughter and myself were on this rollercoaster, and were having such a good time.. when I woke up, I thought I was still in the dream, but then realized I was alone on my couch still..and started to cry, it was that real and hit me that hard..but I'm going to deal with this very, very soon. The hurt is unbearable..
My (m45) xW (f42) and I were together for almost 25 years before separating in early '22. We continued to live together for financial reasons. I lived at the far end of the house in the master bedroom, and she slept on the sectional, which was adjacent to my son's (21) and daughter's (19) rooms, for well over a year before we finally sold the house. She bought a new house in a rush and used some B lender and is therefore paying some obscenely high interest rate (she wouldn't tell me the damage). Of course, my children are going to be paying her rent, and so she basically mortgaged their futures for her own selfish reasons. But that's another story. Anyways, the sleeping arrangement got to be that way because we had a big argument one night, after which she slept on the couch for 5 nights. On the 6th night, I basically told her she was being ridiculous and that she needed to come back down to the marital bed and work this out, which started another argument. Even suggested marriage counselling, which she declined..which showed me she was checked out. She never did sleep in our bed again..however, she did say that she was 'planning' on coming back down on that 6th night, but because I 'started' another argument by asking why she was doing this, she stayed out there..for what turned out to be the next 13-14 months. Whatever. And yes, we continued to have sex during this time, albeit less frequently (it was at least every day for at 24 years before that, so we had sex 7500-10,000 times at minimum).
And yet, even after spending all of that time together, vacations, outings, raising children, good times, bad times..She went colder than ice, acting liked I never mattered to her, treating me like a stranger. It fucking hurt. A lot. She even coached my daughter to be against me. Even today, she rarely texts me. And if I send her a message like 'Hello Sweetheart, just texting you to tell you that I love you and that I hope you have a great day!', she leaves me on 'unread' for days, and that is if she responds. My son works midnights stocking shelves at a grocery store. I drive him to and from work for every single shift. Anything he needs, I am there. We go fishing together. We go to the movies. But my daughter..she blocks me out. She met a new boyfriend online from the United States (we're in Ontario Canada), and she is in love. So I understand it to a degree.
But anyways, back to my wife and I.. Night after night, I laid in our bed, biding my time, and thinking about what I could do to fix this. Until one night, after I confronted her via text, she came storming down the hall and smashed open my door, fracturing the wood around the door-knob and screaming "I can't wait until you are out of my life!!"..
There is much more to that, but that is the jist. After she said that, I knew she was done.
Once the house sold, I looked at some places, and the rents were insanely high. My father convinced me to move into the fully finished basement. I have a HUGE rec room all to myself, 500gb internet, a new LG C2 OLED, PS5, Switch, etc etc. But I'm still very depressed. I've lost my family, have no job (I was fired but took a buyout), and am now on employment insurance.
I haven't talked to my father since last Wednesday. He was on the phone with my sister (who is crazier than me) and I came upstairs to throw the squirrels in the back yard some peanuts, as we often do. He ended the call, clearly annoyed with my sister about something, and began to lay into me for no reason. He told me that I was weak and stupid, among other things, and so I said that's enough, ended the convo, and went downstairs. Some time later, I got in my car and picked up a pizza. When I got home, he saw the pizza and said 'Why the fuck did you buy that pizza, I cooked pork-chops tonight!', as if everything was okay and what he said was acceptable. Well, I exploded and verbally undressed him, we haven't spoken since Wednesday. He's made no attempt to apologize or talk to me. As if I am the one who needs to come crawling back to him. Fuck no, that's not happening.
But you know what, guys? His comments just hit me really hard. I've been trying to do my best. Been struggling with the loss of my family, loss of my job, and he just says shit like that when I'm already really down and really hurting. I've been in a really bad mental state for almost a week. His verbal abuse goes back to my teen years. It was always 'you're a fuck up, you're an idiot, etc'..just things like that, constantly. When the Stephen King It TV movie came out in the 90s, I got this magazine that had pull out posters of the clown..Well I put these posters up on my bedroom wall, because I loved that movie and I was really into horror. He came in one day and saw them, ripped them down, and told me I was sick in the head, that kind of stuff. Always negative, no matter what I did.
Last night, I had a dream that felt so real. My xW, son, daughter and myself were on this rollercoaster, and were having such a good time.. when I woke up, I thought I was still in the dream, but then realized I was alone on my couch still..and started to cry, it was that real and hit me that hard..but I'm going to deal with this very, very soon. The hurt is unbearable..
I'm sorry. You are being so compassionate to your father. It's a difficult time for you and family. But you have support here and I truly hope you find healing and happiness.
