Venting so fucking worried

[ScaredCutter]

im so scared and worried ab my bf, im so pissed about whats happening in america, im so broke, i wish i could fly him out already, all i know is that he will end up killing himself and i wont be able to do anything, i cant fucking do anything, everything is doomed. if i kill myself, then he will too maybe thatd be the easy option for us, i dont want to worry about how corrupt it is for him, i cant stop thjinking about what will happen tomorrow, that if i wake up he'll be gone. i didnt hear any news about what was happening in america as im mostly avoidant of news media because of how much fear it puts on me but, i can only think about what will happen to my bf as theres nothing im able to do, im broke as fuck, its so unfair, i wish i saved up everything i got instead of being a spoiled person by spoending the money i recived from a young age.

if i could just act on a plan to kill myself, itd be so much easier on him because he will do it too. maybe its too selfish to think like this but, i cant do anything to help him, i hate this world and universe, why did we have to be born in this timeline.

my only ever plans ive had for suicide was getting ran over by a train but, where i live, tracks get lifted so no car crashes or whatever and the place i wanted ot go to takes a while and is probably an abandoned track, i cant stab myself, i cant burn myself, i cant throw something heavy to kill my brain, i have NO methods, im so weak and fragile.

im talking about the shutdown thats happening btw and whatever that fuckass president is doing

 

[ScaredCutter]

am i overracting because i cant tell. i dont know if what im feeling is true because in my mind i'd be like "wtf am i doing" and stop but, itll all come back, i literally cant understand that. i cant cry or be sad because ill be like "wtf am i doing this for" n js stop at the moment, does it mean im faking my emotions?

i want to talk to my bf ab what him n his family could do but, they are alos not that rich either. if i talk to him ab it, he will start telling me that he will js kill himself and im so afraid of that outcome, im scared he will do other things too. i have no way to get this off my chest because i found out all about these things yesterday and its been on my mind ever since, his mood has changed and smth is up but idk whats going to happen.

am i overreacting, idk i cant tell. maybe im being selfish, idk.