february in alaska
wandering aimlessly
- Sep 13, 2023
- 465
Drag myself awake, drag myself to get ready, drag myself outside, smoke, drag myself to the bus station, smoke, watch the bus drive right on by, smoke, smoke, smoke. I gave up on going to class or work and just spent three hours wandering aimlessly around the city. Smoke. Mental breakdown at the bus station, watching the world keep going around me. Tried to call some irl friends, nobody picked up. Said goodbye to some online friends, ignored their worried replies. Smoke. Eventually just give up and take the next bus and drag myself back home. Lie on the floor, cry, drag myself to my room, cry, on and on and on and on.
There are moments where I see what my life could be like but inevitably I always end up back here and I'm reminded of why none of it is worth it. Me dragging this out is only working to hurt and worry anyone who still gives a shit about me. It's so fucking pathetic. I need to be put out of my misery like a fucking dog, I'm so fucking serious. My existence is such a fucking waste
There are moments where I see what my life could be like but inevitably I always end up back here and I'm reminded of why none of it is worth it. Me dragging this out is only working to hurt and worry anyone who still gives a shit about me. It's so fucking pathetic. I need to be put out of my misery like a fucking dog, I'm so fucking serious. My existence is such a fucking waste