So done

[Funeralprincess]

Knowing eventually the pain will be over for me is a sweet relief. I have to get through these next few months as much has come up that I need to take care of before I can peacefully exit, but I have a bit to reflect on my life and all I can think about is how much of a burden I have been on people because of my mental illness, and How every time I gave someone a chance who promised they could handle my mental health, they ended up using me and finding me to be a burden too. I'm happy I won't be staying around for my thirties because that would be absolute hell. I don't want to be old and still thinking about doing what needs to be done. Getting it done young is much better, and I feel a sense of peace washing over me knowing I won't have to suffer anymore on this disgusting superficial planet. Heartbreak is my main reason for CTB and I'm so glad that pain will be put to rest after the years of sickness it has caused me both physical and mental. I'm happy I can finally just rest and not have to endure anymore painful memories.
I have zero interest and joy to do anything hell, even the fun things I wanted to do before CTB I now have zero energy to even do. I feel like a dark cloud has engulfed itself inside of my body, making me lose any drive to have fun last moment memories and experiences. All I do is eat, work, disassociate at work, come home, and think about my time that's coming as I fall asleep. This forum keeps me in check, and gives me a sense of community for the most part.
I only look forward to being on the other side; it's the only thing that brings a smile to my face and a sense of security

 

[locked*n*loaded]

That sounds like resolve. That's where I am, too.

 

[Funeralprincess]

That sounds like resolve. That's where I am, too.

It took me a while to get here too because I really did try to get better. I fell for the typical bullshit about life improving… we both have found resolve and that will lead to peace

 

[locked*n*loaded]

It took me a while to get here too because I really did try to get better. I fell for the typical bullshit about life improving… we both have found resolve and that will lead to peace

Fortunately, I didn't have to listen to the BS from anyone about life getting better and all that jazz. I've lived long enough to know better, anyway. It's a bit ironic, but getting there is, actually, what is keeping me moving forward toward that peace. In time. In time.

 

[FuneralCry]

I certainly agree that it's better to ctb young, to me the thought of getting older is so horrifying. The longer that someone stays alive, the more that they will suffer. I understand why you would be so relieved at having a way out. Nobody should ever have to feel as though they are trapped in this world. I think that to me, non existence will always be preferable to living. As long as someone is alive they can experience so much pain and things can always get worse and that is terrifying. Life just seems to be endless problems and misery. I hope that you find freedom from your suffering as none of us here should ever have to experience pain.