SO BORED WITH LIFE

[Unattainable666]

I am so fucking bored with life. I feel as if I'm living Groundhog's Day. I get up every morning, go to work, put up with bullshit, have to pretend to be someone and something I'm not, hold myself together (takes so much effort), come home, close the door, play on computer, go to bed. Then there's the weekend of more bullshit. I've lived long enough and done enough with my life to know that I am truly tired of living. Depression, PTSD, anxiety - it's so hard to keep fighting ... Finally found a therapist - after I told her a few things in my life she stated I needed to be inpatient. Oh FUCK NO!!! So, now I cant be honest with her. I lied my ass off and when she asked if I was suicidal I said, "Oh gosh no, I know how much life has to offer." "I have so much hope for my life." I have become a liar. I know the truth. Well, just needed to vent - I don't sleep much any more (maybe 3 hours a night). So I feel so welcome here to be able to be honest and vent. Thanks SS.

 

[The anhedonic one]

I became clinically depressed age 6 and have spent my entire life lying to people that I am ok.
It's utterly exhausting being around the so-called normal people and trying to appear to be one of them.
It would be so much better if I could just be honest with people and tell the truth of how I am feeling. Yet people are stupid and selfish and don't even try to understand mental illness's.
I would love to just tell the truth and say something like " no, I am not ok. I feel as though I am dead inside and my soul has broken ".

 

[blue_muse]

I know how you feel. Lately, I've checked-out mentally and only exist physically. I cashed my chips in long ago, so no going back now.

You sound like you're close to CTB and past going through the motions, for tge sake of others. With the factors you've mentioned; I can't blame you feeling the way you do.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing here certainly is so tedious and dreadful to me, I just see existence as being an endless loop of suffering where there is no relief from what we endure, it's really so futile and unnecessary, in my opinion it's best to avoid the therapist as ending up in a psych ward really sounds so horrible. I hate how we exist in a world where suicidal people are punished simply for wanting to die.

 

[cscott]

I am so fucking bored with life. I feel as if I'm living Groundhog's Day. I get up every morning, go to work, put up with bullshit, have to pretend to be someone and something I'm not, hold myself together (takes so much effort), come home, close the door, play on computer, go to bed. Then there's the weekend of more bullshit. I've lived long enough and done enough with my life to know that I am truly tired of living. Depression, PTSD, anxiety - it's so hard to keep fighting ... Finally found a therapist - after I told her a few things in my life she stated I needed to be inpatient. Oh FUCK NO!!! So, now I cant be honest with her. I lied my ass off and when she asked if I was suicidal I said, "Oh gosh no, I know how much life has to offer." "I have so much hope for my life." I have become a liar. I know the truth. Well, just needed to vent - I don't sleep much any more (maybe 3 hours a night). So I feel so welcome here to be able to be honest and vent. Thanks SS.

This made me laugh at the bottom about "oh gosh no, I know how much life has to offer" I to have become a liar, I used to be a truth teller now I have to lie to be able to make my way out - so sickly..

I can just imagine cause this is really the Bs that one has to share sometimes & I feel all ur pain, I truly am so sick with life is unbearable & all I do is sit in bed literally all day from I open my eyes right until I close them. I have nothing or no one while I wait for my last delivery to ctb & it's painful cause it makes me more sick of this house and environment & I feel like In the end all of that to just drink my salty drink & never awaken.

Like sometimes I wish death was like leaving my & flying away but I truly feel it's just brain death and nothing. And it all just feels so fucking sad, lonely, boring & horrid.

I'm glad I laughed from what u shared though cause I just imagined it in my mind & your not alone hopefully we're out soon

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Every fukcing day man, repetitive Endlessly mundane years,days, seconds,
my brothers tell me
"rinse and repeat,
rinse and repeat,
that's thr habit you need to adapt to"
And I have! But why does it seem different,
Compared to them I'm faking my own consistency with this whole "rinse and repeat" bs because it's engraved into every aspect of your life, how you "think" how you feel and express, how you walk, how you eat, everything just everthing, I might be explaining this poorly so far but how do they do it, like how does my co worker Robin do it, FUCKING HOW, I've asked, only Robin, but he's the kinda guy who's never thought about suicide or just generally harmful thoughts and anyway while he was holding a box of freight he replied back to my question with "it's not about how I just do" while smiling,, I've worked with them for about four years now but we don't work together just work at the same place, I don't bring up that kinda stuff with him ever really I mean he's a genuinely "happy" family man in his 50s with a wonderfully sweet wife he cherishes, and he's had a rough life from what I know of, and its some really fucked up shit, and yet he and the majority of others choose to keep living not that everyones had a life like his obviously,, but the fact that these people actually want to live life, because they like living,, but its not even that really, its the fact they rather keep living then dying, but! Even then dyings not even a thought that'd cross there mind, I mean it's as if it does since it's somthing thats unavailable but the general contentness that people have with how the modern stereotypical life and death mumbo jumbo goes boggles me, i dont think i will ever understand.

 

[Phantomygg]

My anxiety makes every day the same for me too, the only change my days ever get is how bad they can be