SN Regimen - Feedback Needed, Please

[Theanswer]

Hi Everyone - The time has come for me to gain peace soon (won't name date yet, hotel booked, but undercover folks here.) Could you please give me feedback on my regimen and questions that I have? I am sorry for the length but this took some time to devise. All suggestions, feedback are welcome and needed! But, please, do not ask me where I got the medications or the SN. I'm ctb in a little over a week. Kindness needed, and please ask someone else. Thank you!


Doing Stat Dose. I have been testing the meto and will also test zofran. No issues in test dosing.

Online while CTB. (1) how could I do that without exposing SaSu and my communications because I won't have time or capability to wipe my computer before I ctb. I'd love some support and warmth. Any thoughts?

Hotel Room. I rented a one-bedroom suite in a hotel in the corner for 6 nights. IF SN fails, will puke it up as prescribed, recover in my room, get ready for Plan B Insulin (Have loads of fast and long-acting and 100 unit syringes. Very familiar where to inject in 10 different places. Failure won't happen, extremely unlikely, but doesn't hurt to have a Plan B. And, yes, I know all about the ratings of ctb insulin [smile].) There is no room service unless requested and I can disable lock from inside so no housekeeping hotel keys will be able to gain entry into room. Room is in the corner. No other rooms near me except a studio next door. I'm in a corner removed from main hallway. No one will be walking by my door. My living room shares the wall with stairwell but according to staff no one uses the stairway, which I trust is true. I'm not going to be in the living room. Bedroom is surrounded by two outside walls. Other wall of my bedroom shares wall with my bathroom and other side of my bathroom wall shares wall with the next unit's living room). I will close the bathroom door. Other wall of my bedroom shares with my living room. I will be closing my bedroom door. I'll also have a sign on my bedroom door, do not enter, call police. Not sure what else I should say. Dead body in room? Any thoughts?

Specific Time to CTB?: I am undecided on what time to specifically ctb. If I do it at night, say 7:00 pm, I could risk complaints from the white noise and music (both not loud) remaining on after I ctb. Maybe I don't do any added noise but just some soft music for comfort. Don't want to be found for at least a day. I'd prefer to do it during the day when most people will be out but equally could say folks will be out during the evening for dinner, etc. Any thoughts?

Antacids. Don't think I will be taking any antacids as reduces acid into stomach which in turn could turn more of the SN (NO2) into NO, which will happen automatically but want to lessen that degree for obvious reasons. Who the hell knows about the antacids. Yes, PPeH no longer recommends only due to no benefit or consequence established. I don't have a sensitive stomach. Have been on pantoprazole for over 10 years for acid reflux and reducing dosage and hope to get off of it in time. Don't want anything to interfere. Waiting for answer from PN about stopping PPI (pantoprazole) and whether it will interrupt effect. I don't plan on hearing back from him in time. I have Dulcolax and could Tagamet. Any thoughts on direct experience, knowledge with antacids and SN?

Regimen

Fast for 8 hours

11:00: Clear liquid fast starts – though will do sips of water for meds

11:00 May also do Gabapentin, which reminds me if I'm going to take Gabapentin maybe I should start now with dosing. Any thoughts from someone that knows about Gabapentin? I was previously on it for another reason, not not seizures, so it is a relaxant and pain reducer.

1:30: 5 mg of klonapin (I'm currently taking .5 mg pretty much daily, and will continue before ctb, likely more as I get closer.)

1.30: ​ 600mg of Ibuprofen (Aleve or Advil)

2:00: 8 mg of Zofran ondansetron

2:15: 30 mgs of meto

• While waiting, mix 3 glasses of SN – 25 mg with 50 mil of water. I have the digital scale, beaker and cylinder measurement equipment.) I also have stainless steel scoops and stirrers. Stainless steel is fine, correct? Three glasses not needed but just in case. Will also practice measuring, mixing with regular table salt this weekend. I also have jars with tight seals so may premix morning of in case mixing practice seems too much for me. PN says fine to premix for a day or two and leave in tightly sealed glass/jar.
• I will be laying on king size bed with all lamps, items, tables moved away. Or maybe I should be on the floor but I think it would be unlikely if I fell off of bed because there won't be anything to grasp for and it's a big bed? Not much room on the floor, anyway. I will have a bucket lined with plastic and towels (attempt to reduce sound if necessary) in case I vomit. I plan on being slightly upright with pillows or trying to lie on my L side.

3:00 Drink SN

• I will hold nose while drinking and may use a straw or better yet a drinking funnel. The straw will prevent me from quickly gulping it down, though, which is needed. Lollipop or sm piece of strong peppermint to minimize taste/burn or something after I drink then release nose. Could also look into lidocaine spray but not sure if any of these are useful or necessary. Will they increase vomiting? Thoughts?

 

[Doombox]

I have two small details to add. First, I think putting a sign on the door is a good idea, but I would add something about it being safe for police to enter. Sometimes when people do stuff like carbon monoxide poisoning they make the room a danger. I think it's ok to be blunt with the sign and specifically mention suicide; hotels always run the risk of suicides and I'm sure whoever first enters will appreciate the warning. The other detail is that honestly if I were going to do this on someone else's bed I would get a big flock-lined tablecloth at some cheapo store to put underneath my body, maybe with some towels on top of that. Might not be as luxurious but I would not want to risk ruining the bed.

 

[Shu]

I'm sorry I'm not a chemist but I'm pretty sure that by not taking an antacid MORE no is formed. NO is a vasodilator and I think it causes you to lose consciousness quicker due to the blood pressure drop I'm not sure though. (Sorry I shouldn't be saying anything unless I'm sure) I actually shared a thread with a response from PN but since the search function is still down right now I can't share it with you.

 

[Theanswer]

I have two small details to add. First, I think putting a sign on the door is a good idea, but I would add something about it being safe for police to enter. Sometimes when people do stuff like carbon monoxide poisoning they make the room a danger. I think it's ok to be blunt with the sign and specifically mention suicide; hotels always run the risk of suicides and I'm sure whoever first enters will appreciate the warning. The other detail is that honestly if I were going to do this on someone else's bed I would get a big flock-lined tablecloth at some cheapo store to put underneath my body, maybe with some towels on top of that. Might not be as luxurious but I would not want to risk ruining the bed.

Thanks. Nobody's going to enter my bedroom except the police, hence my note. Yes, they'll be able to enter the room, well, the manager, will have to, but they'll see the note on my bedroom door. It's a one bedroom suite with bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, living room. Yes, I already have a plastic, waterproof cover, zipped, that goes over the mattress. The hotel will be required to junk the mattress, but I have the lining. Any feedback on regimen, dosing? AND feedback on the specific timing I mentioned in my questions. Thanks, again.

I'm sorry I'm not a chemist but I'm pretty sure that by not taking an antacid MORE no is formed. NO is a vasodilator and I think it causes you to lose consciousness quicker due to the blood pressure drop I'm not sure though. (Sorry I shouldn't be saying anything unless I'm sure) I actually shared a thread with a response from PN but since the search function is still down right now I can't share it with you.

Thanks, but there are many, many contradicting views on antacids. PH has already removed it from the regimen.

 

[Dried_Ink]

Sounds foolproof, but one can never be 100% certain with ctb. I can only speak for myself, but if I were to ctb with SN I would use headphones, as most people don't listen to music on a speaker straight through the night, and songs on playlists typically fluctuate in volume. I also read thru your post in its entirety and didn't see anything resembling a beta blocker. From the recent failures I read about, they were in a world of pain from the tachycardia, and subsequently dialed for help. Maybe the discomfort from a rapid heart rate is negligible when one takes a benzo like klonopin, which renders one unconscious quicker and has an added benefit of euphoria? Would definitely take a gabapentin if I could get my hands on it, as it's just another med that induces drowsiness, plus it's anti-seizure and seizures can be a side effect of SN in a small number of cases.

I can only hope, that if you do go through with this OP which you obviously have time to rethink over the course of the coming week, that your journey out of this world is peaceful, painless, and dare I say, serene.

 

[Doombox]

Sounds foolproof, but one can never be 100% certain with ctb. I can only speak for myself, but if I were to ctb with SN I would use headphones, as most people don't listen to music on a speaker straight through the night, and songs on playlists typically fluctuate in volume. I also read thru your post in its entirety and didn't see anything resembling a beta blocker. From the recent failures I read about, they were in a world of pain from the tachycardia, and subsequently dialed for help. Maybe the discomfort from a rapid heart rate is negligible when one takes a benzo like klonopin, which renders one unconscious quicker and has an added benefit of euphoria? Would definitely take a gabapentin if I could get my hands on it, as it's just another med that induces drowsiness, plus it's anti-seizure and seizures can be a side effect of SN in a small number of cases.

I can only hope, that if you do go through with this OP which you obviously have time to rethink over the course of the coming week, that your journey out of this world is peaceful, painless, and dare I say, serene.

Klonopin induces euphoria? I have lorazepam.

Re gabapentin, I worry that by loading up on too many sedating meds prior to SN one runs the risk of just passing out. A while back someone here took 7 lorazepams and had that exact experience, fell asleep before taking SN. I even wonder about the PPH's recommendation of 400 mg propanolol...as you say, it's a good idea to prevent the pounding heart, but that's a honkin' big dose to take an hour before SN.

 

[Theanswer]

Klonopin induces euphoria? I have lorazepam.

Re gabapentin, I worry that by loading up on too many sedating meds prior to SN one runs the risk of just passing out. A while back someone here took 7 lorazepams and had that exact experience, fell asleep before taking SN. I even wonder about the PPH's recommendation of 400 mg propanolol...as you say, it's a good idea to prevent the pounding heart, but that's a honkin' big dose to take an hour before SN.

This is meant for @reamream12, too. Thanks a lot. Headphones are a good idea. Klonopin is a benzo - calming. I'm not concerned about taking too much of it because I'm aware of what taking too much would do. Need to be on top of things. : )

I hear you about the Gabapentin. I was on it for a long time. Still think I'm going to throw some in for pain, seizures.... In my dosage, and generally, it doesn't have the same effect as a benzo. Well, unless you take a mega dose.

Not doing propanolol. Not concerned about pounding heart. I can deal with that. Plus that stuff is nasty and has caused "some" to vomit.

 

[nico1420]

i have a question, in stans guide, in the part of the regime, i cant see the betablocker in the list, i can see meto, paracetamol, antiacid and the sn but i have no idea when should i take the betablocker

 

[Theanswer]

I'm sorry I'm not a chemist but I'm pretty sure that by not taking an antacid MORE no is formed. NO is a vasodilator and I think it causes you to lose consciousness quicker due to the blood pressure drop I'm not sure though. (Sorry I shouldn't be saying anything unless I'm sure) I actually shared a thread with a response from PN but since the search function is still down right now I can't share it with you.

Thanks. That's not what I read. Many, many different contradicting view on antacids. : ) PN has already removed it from the SN regimen. I doubt I'll take it.

 

[Doombox]

i have a question, in stans guide, in the part of the regime, i cant see the betablocker in the list, i can see meto, paracetamol, antiacid and the sn but i have no idea when should i take the betablocker

Current version of PPH says to take it at the same time as the meto, one hour before SN.

 

[Dried_Ink]

i have a question, in stans guide, in the part of the regime, i cant see the betablocker in the list, i can see meto, paracetamol, antiacid and the sn but i have no idea when should i take the betablocker

It's considered a "luxury item." Everyone's physiology is different. A sedentary person whose resting heart rate hasn't been above 100 bpm for years, if ever at all, will likely experience a pounding heart as painful. An athlete whose heart rate goes well above that in a daily gym visit, or someone whose had a panic attack, won't even be phased…

• Beta Blockers

One of the symptoms you may get is a fast heart rate (tachycardia). It is completely normal for the SN process and does not cause any pain. Your heart will beat faster as if you have done some physical exercise or you are watching a scary film. The drug recommended is Propanolol. In the opinion of the author of this document, it is a luxury item and would not consider the effort in purchasing it to have any significant effect on you not being distressed.

It is a prescription only drug and just adds another complication to sourcing and potentially using if you are already on prescribed treatments

• Beta Blocker.

I only mention it as it will be advertised in more recent versions of the PPH and I did not want confusion regarding why I did not mention it here. It is excessive for the process and only acts to eliminate a symptom (fast heart rate) that does not hurt.

 

[Theanswer]

i have a question, in stans guide, in the part of the regime, i cant see the betablocker in the list, i can see meto, paracetamol, antiacid and the sn but i have no idea when should i take the betablocker

Hi - Could you kingly post a new thread for your question? I'm seriously looking for folks to look at my regimen, which is why I posted, not questions about other things now clouding it up. Thanks.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Online while CTB. (1) how could I do that without exposing SaSu and my communications because I won't have time or capability to wipe my computer before I ctb. I'd love some support and warmth. Any thoughts?

I think shut it down before you drink. I see very few posts after drinking which tells me things start happening pretty quick.

 

[Theanswer]

I think shut it down before you drink. I see very few posts after drinking which tells me things start happening pretty quick.

Yeah, that's what I meant in how to be online w community. Indeed, things will happen very quickly. But more importantly even after I log off it will be on my laptop. Now, I really doubt LE is going to go into my computer. I have no kin that are going to care, no friends that will ask for that. I'll take the label off the sodium nitrite bottle but the note on bedroom door will still refer to sodium nitrite in some context. Thanks.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

I don't have any recommendations. But I am willing to give you my number if you'd like company for support and warmth. I don't have much, but I do have compassion.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know about recording for others on SS, we can talk about that later if it's what you want.
I do have the TOR vpn but I don't know if that will help.
Please let me know if there is any way I can help to make this a little softer for you.

 

[Preparingforpeace]

I don't have any recommendations. But I am willing to give you my number if you'd like company for support and warmth. I don't have much, but I do have compassion.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know about recording for others on SS, we can talk about that later if it's what you want.
I do have the TOR vpn but I don't know if that will help.
Please let me know if there is any way I can help to make this a little softer for you.

That nice of you. I wish I had someone like you when my time comes.

 

[Lily (Osako)]

That nice of you. I wish I had someone like you when my time comes.

I'm kind of hoping we can all find someone here who can be there for one another when the time comes for those who want it.

 

[Theanswer]

I don't have any recommendations. But I am willing to give you my number if you'd like company for support and warmth. I don't have much, but I do have compassion.
I don't know how it works.
I don't know about recording for others on SS, we can talk about that later if it's what you want.
I do have the TOR vpn but I don't know if that will help.
Please let me know if there is any way I can help to make this a little softer for you.

Thank you so much. But, please, no offense, it is way too dangerous to record a ctb plus I have no clue who you really are. This forum and chat will be just fine for me. Even if I did know someone more on here, I still wouldn't put anyone or myself in danger of being a part of a suicide (it's illegal & criminal offense) and possibly hence myself getting intervened. Really appreciate your generosity. Take care.
Just looking for feedback on my regimen - dosing, timing of dosing, hotel room questions, other questions I listed, etc. Otherwise, won't help me in what I need to focus on and finalize right now, which is my regimen. Thanks!

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Thank you so much. But, please, no offense, it is way too dangerous to record a ctb plus I have no clue who you really are. This forum and chat will be just fine for me. Even if I did know someone more on here, I still wouldn't put anyone or myself in danger of being a part of a suicide (it's illegal & criminal offense) and possibly hence myself getting intervened. Really appreciate your generosity. Take care.
Just looking for feedback on my regimen - dosing, timing of dosing, hotel room questions, other questions I listed, etc. Otherwise, won't help me in what I need to focus on and finalize right now, which is my regimen. Thanks!

All of that makes perfect sense.
I wish you peace.

 

[nico1420]

Hi - Could you kingly post a new thread for your question? I'm seriously looking for folks to look at my regimen, which is why I posted, not questions about other things now clouding it up. Thanks.

Ohhh sorry

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Stainless steel is fine, correct?

Yes, SN has no problem with metals. It's SA that does. Here's one thread where someone asks this question :

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dissolving-sn.26347/

I don't have any other comment on your regimen except, do you need both klonopin AND gaba? Just a little too many drugs acting on the CNS for my liking, but maybe it's just me...

 

[Theanswer]

Yes, SN has no problem with metals. It's SA that does. Here's one thread where someone asks this question :

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/dissolving-sn.26347/

I don't have any other comment on your regimen except, do you need both klonopin AND gaba? Just a little too many drugs acting on the CNS for my liking, but maybe it's just me...

Thanks, very helpful. I hear you about both klonopin and gaba and appreciate the comment. I'm thinking gaba because Moonicide used it and her death was pretty peaceful. Though, I'm not going to be taking huge amounts of either. Past 10 years, never taken more than half of .5 mg of klonopin maybe 10 times a month. Now it's more like .5 several times a week due to intensity of ctb. So I likely won't take more than 1 mg, now that I think of it, on the day of. And the gaba will also be a minimal dose - like thinking 300 or 600 mg. The gaba will be helpful for pain and not really so much for calm. That's how I'm thinking. Make sense or...?

 

[veryhappyhuman]

Thanks, very helpful. I hear you about both klonopin and gaba and appreciate the comment. I'm thinking gaba because Moonicide used it and her death was pretty peaceful. Though, I'm not going to be taking huge amounts of either. Past 10 years, never taken more than half of .5 mg of klonopin maybe 10 times a month. Now it's more like .5 several times a week due to intensity of ctb. So I likely won't take more than 1 mg, now that I think of it, on the day of. And the gaba will also be a minimal dose - like thinking 300 or 600 mg. The gaba will be helpful for pain and not really so much for calm. That's how I'm thinking. Make sense or...?

Yeah makes sense. Just to be extra sure, I'd also run your entire regimen through the drug interaction checker (remember it being in resources somewhere). Wish you the best.

 

[Theanswer]

Yeah makes sense. Just to be extra sure, I'd also run your entire regimen through the drug interaction checker (remember it being in resources somewhere). Wish you the best.

Yep, I've already checked contraindications with gaba. Klonopin is fine per PN. Thanks, again.

 

[Hope:-)]

I wouldn't worry about the bed at all even to the point about not worrying about putting on the mattress protector, unless it makes things feel more dignified for you. It's the last thing you should feel you have to care about. The mattress will be thrown away anyway.
As for being found I have read quite a bit,( not as much as you,) and people seem to be found either because they called for help, or because people heard stuff crashing because they knocked stuff over. I think it's pretty normal to play music if you're staying alone in a hotel- therefore people are unlikely to complain unless it's REALLY loud. Plus the walls arent really thin. I am a big music lover who has either lived in shared accommodation or cheap apartments and Ive tested who can hear music before - basically it has to be really loud for people to hear it really at all even in cheap living.
As I'm sure you know Stans guide said 12am is good timing as people are in bed. As I said no one can hear the music but if it's a concern you can't shake then timing it all with dinner is probably a good idea . Either way the likihood of there being noise complaints is very low as not only does it take a v high volume of music for people to hear it it also takes a very unusual person to actually make a complaint. Most people never complain even if they don't like something.
Wish I could help you more with the regimen but like I said I don't know enough in order to not just be surmising. I'll pm you about one small note I don't want to mention here

As for being on here during the time, as you mentioned it, I'm personally going to do it for comforts sake. I wouldn't worry about 'what if they take the site down and other people then won't benefit from it?' Think only of you. Loads of people do goodbye threads or live chat. I personally would be too uncomfortable with live chatting with you one on one but I will be a presence on any goodbye thread. Bear in mind if you go in the general live chat though, people there are very young and it shows. They just chat about want they want whilst someone's practicing hanging. Very insensitive.
x

Btw Never given advice ever before on here because I worried about forcing someones hand, but realise it has been a bit unfair of me. I wanted advice but wouldn't give it.

 

[Theanswer]

I wouldn't worry about the bed at all even to the point about not worrying about putting on the mattress protector, unless it makes things feel more dignified for you. It's the last thing you should feel you have to care about. The mattress will be thrown away anyway.
As for being found I have read quite a bit,( not as much as you,) and people seem to be found either because they called for help, or because people heard stuff crashing because they knocked stuff over. I think it's pretty normal to play music if you're staying alone in a hotel- therefore people are unlikely to complain unless it's REALLY loud. Plus the walls arent really thin. I am a big music lover who has either lived in shared accommodation or cheap apartments and Ive tested who can hear music before - basically it has to be really loud for people to hear it really at all even in cheap living.
As I'm sure you know Stans guide said 12am is good timing as people are in bed. As I said no one can hear the music but if it's a concern you can't shake then timing it all with dinner is probably a good idea . Either way the likihood of there being noise complaints is very low as not only does it take a v high volume of music for people to hear it it also takes a very unusual person to actually make a complaint. Most people never complain even if they don't like something.
Wish I could help you more with the regimen but like I said I don't know enough in order to not just be surmising. I'll pm you about one small note I don't want to mention here

As for being on here during the time, as you mentioned it, I'm personally going to do it for comforts sake. I wouldn't worry about 'what if they take the site down and other people then won't benefit from it?' Think only of you. Loads of people do goodbye threads or live chat. I personally would be too uncomfortable with live chatting with you one on one but I will be a presence on any goodbye thread. Bear in mind if you go in the general live chat though, people there are very young and it shows. They just chat about want they want whilst someone's practicing hanging. Very insensitive.
x

Btw Never given advice ever before on here because I worried about forcing someones hand, but realise it has been a bit unfair of me. I wanted advice but wouldn't give it.

This is so helpful, @Hope:-) - thanks! Yes, I mentioned that before when someone said to cover the mattress. The hotel has to legally toss it. But I did order a mattress pad a couple of weeks ago but I think you're right. So what am I going to do - add that to my things to do and lay on a plastic cover with sheets on it? I'm going to leave it.

As far as specific timing, I read that SN Guide suggests 12:00 am but that is when people are sound asleep and I feel that increases someone hearing me vomit, or groan, or.... So that's why I'm wondering would it be safer to do around 7:00 pm when people will mostly be out of the hotel for dinner or moving about. Don't know just unable to decide on timing. Maybe I'm overthinking, which is what I've been doing the last months but some of that has paid off. Am I overthinking the timing? It will be both families and business people. They're suites so that give you an idea.

And I so appreciate your comfort about posting a goodbye thread on here. I completely agree that live chat would never work for the reason you mentioned. I wish there was a way to hold a private chat conversation with multiple people but the goodbye thread will be fine. And I'd really love you to be on it @Hope:-) . I've "enjoyed" (if that's the right word) our chats and you have helped me not feel so alone. I'm asking a lot of I know, but if you're okay with it, please be there. I just want some comfort and compassion. Don't want to be totally alone during it. I'll shut it down right before or immediately after drinking SN. That's been my whole damn last 30 years. I would like folks offering support, you'll be in peace soon, you're not alone-we're here with you, I can leave this dreadful life go and not be in horrified existence anymore, keep my eye on the prize, checking in with me if I've done X at the time I listed. Those sorts of things. I don't mind relative questions because I want to be helpful. But I sure don't need or want a ton of posts so how'd you do that, don't want where'd you get the meto, was it easy getting SN.... Jesus. I'll post a final regimen with determined specific times in my goodbye thread.

Yep, I've already checked contraindications with gaba. Klonopin is fine per PN. Thanks, again.

You know, after sleeping on it, I think you and @reamream12 are wise. I'm going to remove the gabapentin from the regimen. Thank you sooo very much.

 

[Hope:-)]

Heya. I will definitely be there. I wil make sure I'm on here those couple of days. I won't go as far as encouraging though, but I wil be there.
Part of the reason I want to do a goodbye thread is to help me with physical pain. It would be helpful for me to express to people if I'm in pain, not to help them frankly...although it my help other people, but to help me persevere. Im not going to answer questions as I will write on the thread. Also gonna write that I don't want people to argue as I've seen that happen before, and I'm going to also say that I don't want comments like ' it's ok whatever path you choose.' I want people who understand that I want to die and who can accept that. I suffer no ambivalence about wanting to die , but I suffer fear of pain, which is strange of me as I have suffered quite a bit of physical pain in my life and still do. Maybe I'm just fed up of my eyes hurting all the time and want no more physical pain.Who knows.
I have decided to do a pre goodbye thread to give people a heads up on when it's going to happen so people know to be on the site at that time. I think that will attract people who understand the gravity of the situation.
I know what you mean about keeping your 'eye on the prize.' It is what I'm trying to do.
I've started to do some at home cbt around physical pain...as it's the most used therapy for physical pain. I might even try one bout of aerobic exercise...I never exercise, so that I can get used to a faster heartbeat... apparently that helps with tolerating physical pain.

I think there's always a chance of being found no matter the time. Some people are just unlucky One of the ways I'm thinking about it is even if I am found, I can just try again.
I've decided to give advice from now on..but only if I know the person's situation, so I won't be giving it often.

Yes, it's been lovely talking to you. too. I promise I'll be thetr those couple of days and if you ever want to talk prior :-)

 

[Theanswer]

Heya. I will definitely be there. I wil make sure I'm on here those couple of days. I won't go as far as encouraging though, but I wil be there.
Part of the reason I want to do a goodbye thread is to help me with physical pain. It would be helpful for me to express to people if I'm in pain, not to help them frankly...although it my help other people, but to help me persevere. Im not going to answer questions as I will write on the thread. Also gonna write that I don't want people to argue as I've seen that happen before, and I'm going to also say that I don't want comments like ' it's ok whatever path you choose.' I want people who understand that I want to die and who can accept that. I suffer no ambivalence about wanting to die , but I suffer fear of pain, which is strange of me as I have suffered quite a bit of physical pain in my life and still do. Maybe I'm just fed up of my eyes hurting all the time and want no more physical pain.Who knows.
I have decided to do a pre goodbye thread to give people a heads up on when it's going to happen so people know to be on the site at that time. I think that will attract people who understand the gravity of the situation.
I know what you mean about keeping your 'eye on the prize.' It is what I'm trying to do.
I've started to do some at home cbt around physical pain...as it's the most used therapy for physical pain. I might even try one bout of aerobic exercise...I never exercise, so that I can get used to a faster heartbeat... apparently that helps with tolerating physical pain.

I think there's always a chance of being found no matter the time. Some people are just unlucky One of the ways I'm thinking about it is even if I am found, I can just try again.
I've decided to give advice from now on..but only if I know the person's situation, so I won't be giving it often.

Yes, it's been lovely talking to you. too. I promise I'll be thetr those couple of days and if you ever want to talk prior :-)

You, are very kind. Yeah, I don't want encouragement, per se, to do it. Just support and encouragement that I can keep going with the regimen, fear is normal, I will be at peace soon.... I don't expect a lot of fear from the pain, just not succeeding, e.g., being intervened. And I sure as hell don't want...if that's what you want and you've thought it over. Maybe people say that for legal reasons. Anyway, I will also be posting probably a day ahead of time and in that pre-post will also be mentioning things that won't help me and will make it worse. I think it will be fine. There are just few from what I've seen that don't have a lot of awareness outside themselves.

I definitely would like our continued chats. Thank you for being here for me. And please know that even though I'm catching the bus in ___ days, I am still here for you. I don't mind helping you during my preparation. I'm almost finished anyway. The weeks and weeks of research and prepping have completely paid off. All I have to do is (1) throw a few more things out (2) practice weighing and mixing (3) doing documentation for cremation, notifications for beneficiaries, etc., next to me. And, get a lot of acupuncture for anxiety. : )

 

[Hope:-)]

Yeah, I hope you know that I wasn't just mentioning those things I'm going to do to be insular and about myself. I thought they may be helpful to you and other people.

Yes, acupuncture may help me also. I'm ok. Don't worry about being there for me at this time although it's very sweet of you to offer xx

 

[outrider567]

It's considered a "luxury item." Everyone's physiology is different. A sedentary person whose resting heart rate hasn't been above 100 bpm for years, if ever at all, will likely experience a pounding heart as painful. An athlete whose heart rate goes well above that in a daily gym visit, or someone whose had a panic attack, won't even be phased…

That's true, big difference between sedentary and athlete--I'm an athlete of sorts, and when I did the heart stress test on the treadmill at the doctors office last year, my pulse got up to154 and I hardly noticed it, and not out of breath either(cardiologist was quite pleased)---But 15 years prior, 30 pounds more, no exercise in 5 years, I almost collapsed and had to stop the test