posted on "recovery" about my survival odds. the so called recovery people barely said anything of course.
now i definitely have no one. my bf is not healthy for me/abusive, also not healthy for himself either. i love him and got him help after he threatened suicide for the 30th time in a month after he almost did it 3 times. i needed space/can't help him any longer, which was what set him off. he's with professionals and at the ER. that was the most taxing month of my life. but he is alive. his mom is abusive to him and hates me. he can hate me all he wants. but he has my worker's info and will get help. i told him
he would. i still love him and always will.
but of course now i'm suffering. still at risk of being assaulted at this dirty, horrible place. now heartbroken too. i can get out next week though. going to purchase SN when i get paid tomorrow or Monday to take at my new place.
SI is a bitch huh? didn't want to let people win. but i literally have no "psychiatric help" despite my documented psychosis, suicidal intent, and means. they illegally turned me away, especially into the "care" (not even a call) of someone i'm suing who wants me dead so i can't sue them. i also could be assaulted at any moment, and now no one who loves me.
everyone who hates me/wants me dead can stuff it though, because this is about me. going back to sleep right now, but going to purchase the SN tomorrow. no one thinks i can make it, and i'm not sure either. i know this is a LITERAL suicide forum, but i posted in "rEcOvErY" and no one thinks i can do it. i layed out my options in that post, to other suicidal people (i'm assuming) and no one said anything. i know it's about me though.
head hurts so bad, i want to kill myself SO BAD right now, but i want to do it right with no survival chance if i'm to attempt again. i'm laying down now, will search SN resources when i wake up. this has been exhausting and i haven't slept much in weeks, and now this crisis, too tired to physically stay awake.
now i definitely have no one. my bf is not healthy for me/abusive, also not healthy for himself either. i love him and got him help after he threatened suicide for the 30th time in a month after he almost did it 3 times. i needed space/can't help him any longer, which was what set him off. he's with professionals and at the ER. that was the most taxing month of my life. but he is alive. his mom is abusive to him and hates me. he can hate me all he wants. but he has my worker's info and will get help. i told him
he would. i still love him and always will.
but of course now i'm suffering. still at risk of being assaulted at this dirty, horrible place. now heartbroken too. i can get out next week though. going to purchase SN when i get paid tomorrow or Monday to take at my new place.
SI is a bitch huh? didn't want to let people win. but i literally have no "psychiatric help" despite my documented psychosis, suicidal intent, and means. they illegally turned me away, especially into the "care" (not even a call) of someone i'm suing who wants me dead so i can't sue them. i also could be assaulted at any moment, and now no one who loves me.
everyone who hates me/wants me dead can stuff it though, because this is about me. going back to sleep right now, but going to purchase the SN tomorrow. no one thinks i can make it, and i'm not sure either. i know this is a LITERAL suicide forum, but i posted in "rEcOvErY" and no one thinks i can do it. i layed out my options in that post, to other suicidal people (i'm assuming) and no one said anything. i know it's about me though.
head hurts so bad, i want to kill myself SO BAD right now, but i want to do it right with no survival chance if i'm to attempt again. i'm laying down now, will search SN resources when i wake up. this has been exhausting and i haven't slept much in weeks, and now this crisis, too tired to physically stay awake.
