Hey everyone! I am finally done with my final chores and ready to set myself free. Just a bit about myself. I am 25, male. I had been planning my suicide since I was around 10, and I had multiple failed attempts in the past years. Luckily, all of them were discrete and no one ever found out anything. The reasoning to all of that was never illnesses, abuses or anything that normally would make a person commit a suicide. My reasons were simple: boredom and meaningless of life. I simply realised at the very young age how pointless life was. Since then, I have been forcing myself to exist because of my mother. The amount of time and effort she invested just wouldn't let me rest. It bothered me immensely. Nevertheless, It's been 15 long years of pure unbearable mental torture. Now, I regret it - it was an absolute waste of time. It didn't bring anything good - only made things worse, and for everyone who's living for others - don't do it. You will end up hurting yourself and your loved ones even more in the end. Find another reason to exist but this one. Take this advice as you please.
For anyone wondering, I had a great life, supporting family, no hardships or real problems in life ever. Everything was basically handed over to me from the start: financial independence, relationships, friends, education and etc. But as life went by I rejected all of that. I must admit - I don't regret at all because all of that didn't really matter. I just always felt not interested in life and out of place - like I shouldn't be here, I don't belong here. Weird feeling that I can't really express with words.
Now to the method itself. I went over almost every method available on this website, but SN was simply the one and only option for me. Availability, simplicity and no long term side effects played a huge role in choosing the method. I currently possess both grades of SN, not sure which is a better option, but I am going to use the tech grade one 99% pure. I will be doing 30 mg per 60 ml, two or three shots. I also managed to get meto along with ibuprofen. These are my main tools. Also, I am planning to get a mouth wash to get that numb feeling in my mouth to deal with the taste. And decided to do 48 hours regime provided in Stan's guide, but with some minor additions.
I am starting 48 hours regime in about 5 hours after I wake up, and planning to ctb Friday night. I live alone, very far from my family. So, no one will find me for couple days for sure. I personally feel excited and extremely relaxed which is strange. Thoughts of the coming end are strangely pleasant, and for unknown reason I feel very confident. Anyways, if you have any questions - feel free to ask.
For anyone wondering, I had a great life, supporting family, no hardships or real problems in life ever. Everything was basically handed over to me from the start: financial independence, relationships, friends, education and etc. But as life went by I rejected all of that. I must admit - I don't regret at all because all of that didn't really matter. I just always felt not interested in life and out of place - like I shouldn't be here, I don't belong here. Weird feeling that I can't really express with words.
Now to the method itself. I went over almost every method available on this website, but SN was simply the one and only option for me. Availability, simplicity and no long term side effects played a huge role in choosing the method. I currently possess both grades of SN, not sure which is a better option, but I am going to use the tech grade one 99% pure. I will be doing 30 mg per 60 ml, two or three shots. I also managed to get meto along with ibuprofen. These are my main tools. Also, I am planning to get a mouth wash to get that numb feeling in my mouth to deal with the taste. And decided to do 48 hours regime provided in Stan's guide, but with some minor additions.
I am starting 48 hours regime in about 5 hours after I wake up, and planning to ctb Friday night. I live alone, very far from my family. So, no one will find me for couple days for sure. I personally feel excited and extremely relaxed which is strange. Thoughts of the coming end are strangely pleasant, and for unknown reason I feel very confident. Anyways, if you have any questions - feel free to ask.
