It will arrive and i will have all the means necessary. I only got enough for two tries and won't set a second glass up as want a chance to try again if fail so will keep it in an air tight container nearby.
As for date I think it will be Monday as can visit mum over weekend and hug her and casually tell her i love her.
I am scared of my SI but have a helpline that i will call once benzos kick in as i have checked they have no way to trace me and i will tell them the antidote for if i do freak out and tell them where i am.
I will not write letters they just won't cut it or say the right things or show enough of my love and reasons why I have decided this is the only way also if I fail i don't want them as can say i was messing with it all and now see I didn't want to die. This shld shorten any enforced hospital stay. IF being the word as i don't plan to mess up or back out as this hurt and shame of all that me is now too much to bare.
I will say this, as this is a confidential site, that i loved my GP and Nurse and my friends and D have a very VERY special piece of my heart and soul. But i am in mental pain and cannot adjust to myself and myself in this world and nor can I take the embarrassment from me at the GP surgery and nor even the bit of embarrassment i have caused at work.
I hate hurting my mum and this will be my biggest shame if i survive or back out as she will feel I have let her down!!
also she will be sad when I do pass to the other side as she is my mum after all.
I love my dogs and they have kept me alive and joyful at times for their four years with me at my side. But they are animals and i have great anxiety of their passing as they will of done so possibly before mine!!
Thats enough rambling from me. I just hope and prayer i can put my suffering and the the others i have caused suffering to to rest finally as that's the fairest thing i can now do.
As for date I think it will be Monday as can visit mum over weekend and hug her and casually tell her i love her.
I am scared of my SI but have a helpline that i will call once benzos kick in as i have checked they have no way to trace me and i will tell them the antidote for if i do freak out and tell them where i am.
I will not write letters they just won't cut it or say the right things or show enough of my love and reasons why I have decided this is the only way also if I fail i don't want them as can say i was messing with it all and now see I didn't want to die. This shld shorten any enforced hospital stay. IF being the word as i don't plan to mess up or back out as this hurt and shame of all that me is now too much to bare.
I will say this, as this is a confidential site, that i loved my GP and Nurse and my friends and D have a very VERY special piece of my heart and soul. But i am in mental pain and cannot adjust to myself and myself in this world and nor can I take the embarrassment from me at the GP surgery and nor even the bit of embarrassment i have caused at work.
I hate hurting my mum and this will be my biggest shame if i survive or back out as she will feel I have let her down!!
also she will be sad when I do pass to the other side as she is my mum after all.I love my dogs and they have kept me alive and joyful at times for their four years with me at my side. But they are animals and i have great anxiety of their passing as they will of done so possibly before mine!!
Thats enough rambling from me. I just hope and prayer i can put my suffering and the the others i have caused suffering to to rest finally as that's the fairest thing i can now do.
