SN down the drain. Feeling sad

[sadjenny]

So, my SN arrived today. Just a little while ago... I saw the mail lady pull up and felt so so sad. My heart was racing. My sister stayed home today for the specific purpose of intercepting it, and she did.

I watched her open the box, and advised she put on a mask. Then we walked together to the end of the block and poured it down a storm drain. I splashed a little water down to hopefully dilute it, and then we returned home.

All the while I'm smiling so brightly and thanking my sister for "saving my life" and promising to be more open with her. I have to keep smiling. She's still watching me on camera, and I know these next few days are important. I'm so, so sad. If only I could just have held it in my hands for a moment. I just wanted to hold it and feel safe.

People are receiving their orders today and I'm so very happy for them. And sad, because I will have to wait longer until I can try again, until it is my turn. But I almost had it. I really did.

I'm sorry I'm not in a mood to talk rn. I hope everybody is alright. Please take care of yourself.

 

[GasMonkey]

So you told her that you ordered it?

 

[sadjenny]

So you told her that you ordered it?

No, she hacked my email and discovered it. It is a long story.

 

[whywere]

Howdy!

Everything in this life and beyond is a scale. I guess like the scales of justice, life has its own also. Is there ever a right or wrong, good or bad? Not I my way of thinking and what I have seen in my 67 years on this planet.

I am VERY pro-choice in all of life's decisions as ctb, abortion, youth Enasia everything. It is truly up to the person. The one overriding aspect is always one and done NO repeats ever on anything. Make a decision and live with it and no that was not a pun, just the best way that I can say it.

I have seen your posts and the like and you are such a loving, thoughtful, kind and so empathetic person, just wonderful.

This is not about ctb or recovery it is about you and how you think of yourself and also how you impact others, like ME! I never have had family nor friends before and everything has it place and time, but I really struck just how kind and caring you are in a post to me; I was blown away with happiness.

Whatever you wish, I wish for you, but I really love and care about you, I never ever B.S. about something like this that is so near and dear to me and my heart ever.

Always around to chat with and lots of love, hugs and beautiful weather and flowers to you.

Walter

 

[ThisIsLife]

She's still watching me on camera

What ?!

 

[YourAverageLurker]

Isn't this illegal of your sister?

 

[Challu]

Sorry. A matter like this is complicated.. especially when it's being forced.

 

[TAW122]

I'm very sorry to hear about this, just reading about what happened to you makes my gut wrench. As if this world isn't hellish enough, your selfish sister decided to ruin your escape, exit from this tormented existence... If I had something like that happen, I'd lose all trust and perhaps worse, I might not have much else to lose beyond that and even less motivation to be productive or do anything useful for society (not that I care to live long or be productive until old age but still.).

I hope you are able to reacquire something similar or find other methods to bring about the peace you are seeking for.

 

[ptolemaea]

it sounds like your sister does not respect your privacy at all. i'm so sorry this happened to you

 

[6MillionWaystoDie]

I don't understand the camera. Do you mind sharing the reason for this?

Are you able to have any sort of privacy? That alone would make me very upset.

Small things like that can erode self-esteem. Well, thats the affect similar privacy invasions had on me. I've always hated being unnaturally striped of my autonomy ever since I was a teen.

 

[boblong]

Can you create a new gmail ? Or ask ur friend to order it for you?

 

[sorrow_sparrow]

what an unfortunate event dear,,

must be hard for you, I'm following your story... ( your sister major in psychology right? if I not mistaken )
Like I said before, there will be another time for another story, trust the mother earth and the universe,
when time comes you'll find your way, whether ctb or not, you'll know your time...

be patient love...

 

[Challu]

Wasn't your time , and Sodium Nitrite isn't the fool proof method so many think it is.

Sn, meto, ibuprofen, 50ml water.. it's pretty foolproof. Also?? OP was not able to attempt?

 

[TimetoGo!]

Sn, meto, ibuprofen, 50ml water.. it's pretty foolproof. Also?? OP was not able to attempt?

Just type "failed SN" into the search bar on here and you'll soon read how its not fool proof !

 

[Yahwa]

I'm so sorry this happened to you… Maybe next time you can try creating another email address and have it delivered somewhere else? Like a PO Box or something? I'm here if you need to talk

Just type "failed SN" into the search bar on here and you'll soon read how its not fool proof !

A lot of failed SN attempts are because the person was found and got help or because they hadn't properly calculated how much SN they would need to successfully exit. Or because they threw up, etc. But those who have strictly followed the method and weren't found/didn't throw up all ended up passing I'm assuming since they've never come back to let us know how it went

 

[onceuponadec]

I know my sister would do this if she knew that I had it sitting in the corner of my room and the delivery box.

I have gotten help and I'm trying a few different things to get better but the option is always there just sitting in the corner. I haven't told the rest of my family and I know she won't either. Most likely one day she'll wake up and I won't.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds like such a horrible situation, it's beyond cruel and disgusting to force someone to suffer like that, just because somebody else values life shouldn't give them the right to force that point of view onto other people. But anyway, I hope that you eventually find what you are searching for.