Sn chronicles: I told my sister plus med question

[ojinzo]

I stayed the weekend with my sister who has a heart condition. She was cleaning the port in her arm with a solution and I asked what it was and she said sodium nitrate. I immediately jumped up and said what?! Then she said, I meant to say sodium chloride...
It was quiet for a while and she asked if I was ok. I said I plan on killing myself with sn.
She looked at me for a while and said really?
She's known I've had suicidal ideations for sometime now...
I said I'm telling you because I want someone to know why. She seemed sad but also I believe she understood I'm really going to do it. She wasn't mad. Of course she told me not to but she didn't fight me one it.
She asked me when and I said I'm unsure but soon.
I didn't tell her this but between us here my sn arrives tomorrow night. I'm praying my new state id arrives this week as well so I will have no problems booking a hotel room. I'm terms of the meto and propanol I ordered, I don't know when it will arrive. Unfortunately, I ordered the shit from India and paid extra for expedited shipping but it's already been more than ten days now...
I've done enough research by now on sn to be an expert. With that said, a few things are true to me. 1. Sn will kill you with or without the meds. 2. Meds make it a more comfortable process but there is still some level of discomfort 3. Even with anti enemics some still vomit 4. It appears the only thing that prevents death when fully ingest is some sort of medical intervention whether it's voluntary or accidental.

With all that said, I'm torn. This was suppose to be the week I ctb but do I do it without the meds? Part of me says fuck it, man up, and still do it without. Another part of me says, you don't want to be heard in the hotel gasping for air and groaning a death rattle ( which again, the meds do not prevent)... I am tired. I am also afraid of being found. I hate being so confused and afraid. I would do it without the meds if I had a place to go where I know I won't be found in time to save me or nibbled on by rodents (which is why I refuse to do it in the wilderness).

Among my readings I read someone who did it in a hotel was found because people next door heard them gasping for air... However, I really think that post was created by a pro lifer trying to dissuade people.
I'm rambling at this point. Advice, comments are welcome

 

[bammer]

I stayed the weekend with my sister who has a heart condition. She was cleaning the port in her arm with a solution and I asked what it was and she said sodium nitrate. I immediately jumped up and said what?! Then she said, I meant to say sodium chloride...
It was quiet for a while and she asked if I was ok. I said I plan on killing myself with sn.
She looked at me for a while and said really?
She's known I've had suicidal ideations for sometime now...
I said I'm telling you because I want someone to know why. She seemed sad but also I believe she understood I'm really going to do it. She wasn't mad. Of course she told me not to but she didn't fight me one it.
She asked me when and I said I'm unsure but soon.
I didn't tell her this but between us here my sn arrives tomorrow night. I'm praying my new state id arrives this week as well so I will have no problems booking a hotel room. I'm terms of the meto and propanol I ordered, I don't know when it will arrive. Unfortunately, I ordered the shit from India and paid extra for expedited shipping but it's already been more than ten days now...
I've done enough research by now on sn to be an expert. With that said, a few things are true to me. 1. Sn will kill you with or without the meds. 2. Meds make it a more comfortable process but there is still some level of discomfort 3. Even with anti enemics some still vomit 4. It appears the only thing that prevents death when fully ingest is some sort of medical intervention whether it's voluntary or accidental.

With all that said, I'm torn. This was suppose to be the week I ctb but do I do it without the meds? Part of me says fuck it, man up, and still do it without. Another part of me says, you don't want to be heard in the hotel gasping for air and groaning a death rattle ( which again, the meds do not prevent)... I am tired. I am also afraid of being found. I hate being so confused and afraid. I would do it without the meds if I had a place to go where I know I won't be found in time to save me or nibbled on by rodents (which is why I refuse to do it in the wilderness).

Among my readings I read someone who did it in a hotel was found because people next door heard them gasping for air... However, I really think that post was created by a pro lifer trying to dissuade people.
I'm rambling at this point. Advice, comments are welcome

I think it's a tough situation sorry I hope you get what you want and to let you know it's *sodium nitrite* not sodium nitrate.

I stayed the weekend with my sister who has a heart condition. She was cleaning the port in her arm with a solution and I asked what it was and she said sodium nitrate. I immediately jumped up and said what?! Then she said, I meant to say sodium chloride...
It was quiet for a while and she asked if I was ok. I said I plan on killing myself with sn.
She looked at me for a while and said really?
She's known I've had suicidal ideations for sometime now...
I said I'm telling you because I want someone to know why. She seemed sad but also I believe she understood I'm really going to do it. She wasn't mad. Of course she told me not to but she didn't fight me one it.
She asked me when and I said I'm unsure but soon.
I didn't tell her this but between us here my sn arrives tomorrow night. I'm praying my new state id arrives this week as well so I will have no problems booking a hotel room. I'm terms of the meto and propanol I ordered, I don't know when it will arrive. Unfortunately, I ordered the shit from India and paid extra for expedited shipping but it's already been more than ten days now...
I've done enough research by now on sn to be an expert. With that said, a few things are true to me. 1. Sn will kill you with or without the meds. 2. Meds make it a more comfortable process but there is still some level of discomfort 3. Even with anti enemics some still vomit 4. It appears the only thing that prevents death when fully ingest is some sort of medical intervention whether it's voluntary or accidental.

With all that said, I'm torn. This was suppose to be the week I ctb but do I do it without the meds? Part of me says fuck it, man up, and still do it without. Another part of me says, you don't want to be heard in the hotel gasping for air and groaning a death rattle ( which again, the meds do not prevent)... I am tired. I am also afraid of being found. I hate being so confused and afraid. I would do it without the meds if I had a place to go where I know I won't be found in time to save me or nibbled on by rodents (which is why I refuse to do it in the wilderness).

Among my readings I read someone who did it in a hotel was found because people next door heard them gasping for air... However, I really think that post was created by a pro lifer trying to dissuade people.
I'm rambling at this point. Advice, comments are welcome

And can I dm you?

 

[makethepainstop]

Usually the smell of decomposition alerts passer by s that you have gone before rodents get the opportunity to chow down on you. As you will be in a hotel rodents shouldn't be a problem, maids discovering you before your finished could be problematic. Peace and love to you.

 

[ojinzo]

I think it's a tough situation sorry I hope you get what you want and to let you know it's *sodium nitrite* not sodium nitrate.

And can I dm you?

Of course you can dm me

 

[theboy]

wow...