SN arrived :-)

[soon06132022]

My SN arrived today! Is it odd that I am a little too excited that I now have the means to CTB whenever I want to? I've spent the last few days writing letters to people that I thought I cared about in life. Because of the actions of one, I have no desire to wait and see her on Tuesday. I've been contemplating if I should send an additional delayed email to former collogues of ours to expose her for what she is, and how she used for the past year. In doing so, her professional and personal life would be in tatters. Just as she left mine. If you had the option to decimate someone who hurt you before you CTB would you do it?

 

[Seeking_Peace]

No you would be giving her power over you. Sometimes not saying anything is just as strong.

 

[Viafactorum]

My SN arrived today! Is it odd that I am a little too excited that I now have the means to CTB whenever I want to? I've spent the last few days writing letters to people that I thought I cared about in life. Because of the actions of one, I have no desire to wait and see her on Tuesday. I've been contemplating if I should send an additional delayed email to former collogues of ours to expose her for what she is, and how she used for the past year. In doing so, her professional and personal life would be in tatters. Just as she left mine. If you had the option to decimate someone who hurt you before you CTB would you do it?

Depends on what your priorities are. If you are seeking a dignified exit then you most probably won't stir up more trouble on your way out. If you don't really care if you exit like a dog then tossing your luggage before ctb is the way to go. It all depends on how you want others to see/remember you. Either way I won't encourage you to go forward with ctb. Life keeps giving people second chances, maybe you'll get yours soon?

 

[hungry_ghost]

No you would be giving her power over you. Sometimes not saying anything is just as strong.

He's already giving her power over him, as presumably one of the reasons he's CTB is because of her.

May as well ruin her as he goes out.

 

[Seeking_Peace]

He's already giving her power over him, as presumably one of the reasons he's CTB is because of her.

May as well ruin her as he goes out.

True, I see your point.

 

[soon06132022]

Depends on what your priorities are. If you are seeking a dignified exit then you most probably won't stir up more trouble on your way out. If you don't really care if you exit like a dog then tossing your luggage before ctb is the way to go. It all depends on how you want others to see/remember you. Either way I won't encourage you to go forward with ctb. Life keeps giving people second chances, maybe you'll get yours soon?

Is CTB ever dignified? I don't really care about how other people see me, or how they chose to remember me when I am gone. At the core, I believe that all a person has is their word. The person who I am thinking of exposing has been lying to me and using me for months. She conspired with others to take away my dream. I've had enough chances in life, CTB has always been in the back of my mind as a viable option. Things have gone too far, and now CTB is what I want, it's the right choice for me.

He's already giving her power over him, as presumably one of the reasons he's CTB is because of her.

May as well ruin her as he goes out.

It would be dishonest of me to say on some level my decision to CTB was not because of her. It's a complicated story, but I've got nothing but time. We went from co-workers, to acquaintances, to friends, to lovers, to business partners. Because of her actions I have been removed from the new business that we were going to start. I thought that we shared an equal power share in our dynamic because she's married. However, all of the lies started to unravel after the business thing went sideways. She told me that she loved me, and that I was in her inner circle, and without cause or justification she threw me away after she got what she wanted. You could call it a bad beat in life, but I've spent way too long fixating on every interaction we had to trace back all of her lies.

 

[Viafactorum]

Is CTB ever dignified? I don't really care about how other people see me, or how they chose to remember me when I am gone. At the core, I believe that all a person has is their word. The person who I am thinking of exposing has been lying to me and using me for months. She conspired with others to take away my dream. I've had enough chances in life, CTB has always been in the back of my mind as a viable option. Things have gone too far, and now CTB is what I want, it's the right choice for me.

I guess even dignity is subjective but then again, from the story I am listening to I believe you haven't lost everything(I may be assuming wrong). I believe you'll have other chances at life, but if you have concluded that all is lost then do what you deem appropriate. Personally if you don't care about how you will be remembered I suggest entrust the truth about the woman that robbed you of your life to someone you trust or go forward with your expose. In my humble opinion I'd suggest you to wait it out a bit more before making any major decision. Haste has never helped men make any smart decisions.

 

[soon06132022]

I guess even dignity is subjective but then again, from the story I am listening to I believe you haven't lost everything(I may be assuming wrong). I believe you'll have other chances at life, but if you have concluded that all is lost then do what you deem appropriate. Personally if you don't care about how you will be remembered I suggest entrust the truth about the woman that robbed you of your life to someone you trust or go forward with your expose. In my humble opinion I'd suggest you to wait it out a bit more before making any major decision. Haste has never helped men make any smart decisions.

I am 37 years old. I survived severe abuse as a child, I have a mental disorder that has no cure. For the past 10 years I have suffered from depression and suicidal ideation. My dream died. I've been coming to terms with my decision for the past three weeks or so. I am just so tired of my life experience being that of fighting upstream constantly. There is no joy or solace that I can find, and I am unwilling to continue to try. Fighting a war means casualties, this time it's me. I feel wronged by a person, I have the ability to wrong them back. On a basic level it seems petty, on the other side, I believe in right and wrong. I believe that you, and you alone should be held accountable for your actions. I am the only person who can hold her accountable for what she did, as the secrets are between us. As she has violated my trust, why should I continue to give her that benefit?

 

[Viafactorum]

I am 37 years old. I survived severe abuse as a child, I have a mental disorder that has no cure. For the past 10 years I have suffered from depression and suicidal ideation. My dream died. I've been coming to terms with my decision for the past three weeks or so. I am just so tired of my life experience being that of fighting upstream constantly. There is no joy or solace that I can find, and I am unwilling to continue to try. Fighting a war means casualties, this time it's me. I feel wronged by a person, I have the ability to wrong them back. On a basic level it seems petty, on the other side, I believe in right and wrong. I believe that you, and you alone should be held accountable for your actions. I am the only person who can hold her accountable for what she did, as the secrets are between us. As she has violated my trust, why should I continue to give her that benefit?

Your condition of always fighting an uphill battle resonates with me, I've been fighting an uphill battle for a long time as well and more often than note barely making it through. This is why I am also on this website, to be prepared for the day that I lose my battle. In your case I suppose you have made up your mind. I do not intend to encourage or deter you, all I am saying is that you should take your time to sort out your thoughts and plan out your actions into the future(regardless of whatever it may hold). I also agree that everyone should be held accountable for their actions and you obviously had a part in shaping your current situation hence I believe you should hold yourself accountable. That being said I suggest you take more time to think things through and if you have already thought things through then I hope you take a decision that ultimately gives you peace.

 

[soon06132022]

Your condition of always fighting an uphill battle resonates with me, I've been fighting an uphill battle for a long time as well and more often than note barely making it through. This is why I am also on this website, to be prepared for the day that I lose my battle. In your case I suppose you have made up your mind. I do not intend to encourage or deter you, all I am saying is that you should take your time to sort out your thoughts and plan out your actions into the future(regardless of whatever it may hold). I also agree that everyone should be held accountable for their actions and you obviously had a part in shaping your current situation hence I believe you should hold yourself accountable. That being said I suggest you take more time to think things through and if you have already thought things through then I hope you take a decision that ultimately gives you peace.

I took time to think of the other options. Life has become untenable for me. In my letter to her, I explained that her actions had contributed to the decision that I made, however it was not the determining factor. I am still on the fence about holding her accountable for the other choices that she made, and how they made me feel manipulated and used. Soon, I will be at peace as I'll no longer have to deal with any of this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would be so relieved at having the option of a way to exit this world for when the time is right. I'm sorry that you have suffered so much in life, some people are just so cruel and this life is just so unfair. It is terrible the way that some people treat others. I hope that you find what you are looking for.