Hi there.
I am fairly new to this website and I ordered SN on Sunday.
Background: wanted to CTB for some time, but only recently read PPH, and found this place.
I vaguely read Stan's method and made an effort to obtain some of the things before ordering. I've done some research around the forum. It has been stressful though, due to lack of time.
I'm looking for a bit of help and to share my thoughts.
First of all, SN is meant to arrive soon. How likely is it that I will get a 'friendly visit' (and therefore, should rush into things)? Of course, I don't want to rush into anything. However, I live with 3 others and I'm worried they'd (definitely) open the door. I know that there have been SN visits in my country (see below):
Threads on seizures in relevant country:
Secondly, I would ideally like to CTB in about two weeks' time, I think. I could leave it longer, but don't want to live under constant anxiety of having a visit though. The other thing is that I would quite like things to be peaceful, dignified. I also have some time constraints, in terms of people getting suspicious, workplace, other things to attend to in life, etc. At the same time, I don't want the idea of not "tying up loose ends" such as not having time to write letters, leaving things to people etc., stopping me from doing this.
Essentially trying to overpower SI by making sure I don't rush into it but also don't delay too much and have loose ends covered. But my major issues of anxiety and indecision IRL are transferring to this as well. I'm the kind of person that would like to have things covered, would ideally have liked to have written some lovely letters, have things tidied up, take my time. At least write letters to a few of my loved ones or friends. Otherwise, my death might feel like my life: one where I wasn't even allowed to do what I wanted (have it be guaranteed/peaceful, with friends, or at least write to them).
Also, the wait for the SN is agonizing. In a way, I feel so ashamed and stressed about my actions, that I feel like I should do it ASAP. I'm also super responsible and conscientious IRL and am trying to find ways to do it that are the most peaceful and non-damaging. But at the same time, I just want out. I'd also feel sad rushing it, though.
Is all this over-worrying just SI kicking in? What are the actual chances of a visit in between me receiving the thing and doing it in 2-4 weeks' time?
Another alternative is waiting a few months to be fully sure; but then I can't imagine what I would do with all that time. I'd be so anxious and agonized.
But doing it too soon also increases anxiety. That said, I am fairly sure. I'm just looking for an excuse to do it at this point
What will improve my chances of success, especially in terms of dedication to it (apart from following the guide)? Is it setting a date and sticking by it? If I lived alone, I'd be more inclined to do that as I could handle a visit by myself, but I don't (and it freaks me out that others I live with might get involved - I don't want that). I think I'm feeling a bit upset by time pressure at the moment.
Finally, if I did want to do it live here, chatting to someone, what is the best way of doing that?
I am also very lucky, in that my best friend, listened to me about all this and told me that if it was not against the law they'd consider helping and it was my choice. They might also be able to talk to me live. However, I also regretted telling them a little, because they cried a lot. In a way, it was horrible seeing that. They said they'd even consider helping me maybe IRL, but they had to think it over. My friend also said they'd prefer to receive a note from me that said, "by the time you read this", etc... which made me think I should write one.
But currently, it seems like I'd be doing it alone. Also, if I did it soon, the chances of my friend coming would be really slim; if I waited, they might (but still unlikely).
My PMs are open if anyone would like to chat. It's telling of how depressed I have become, I think, that when I don't see many/any replies to a post here, I'm like "oh my god, I'm not even popular on SS" (as in real life, I think people find me really difficult already).
Thank you for reading
I am fairly new to this website and I ordered SN on Sunday.
Background: wanted to CTB for some time, but only recently read PPH, and found this place.
I vaguely read Stan's method and made an effort to obtain some of the things before ordering. I've done some research around the forum. It has been stressful though, due to lack of time.
I'm looking for a bit of help and to share my thoughts.
First of all, SN is meant to arrive soon. How likely is it that I will get a 'friendly visit' (and therefore, should rush into things)? Of course, I don't want to rush into anything. However, I live with 3 others and I'm worried they'd (definitely) open the door. I know that there have been SN visits in my country (see below):
Threads on seizures in relevant country:
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...in-sn-supplier-stop-selling-it-on-ebay.57745/
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-police-investigation-uk.59452/
Secondly, I would ideally like to CTB in about two weeks' time, I think. I could leave it longer, but don't want to live under constant anxiety of having a visit though. The other thing is that I would quite like things to be peaceful, dignified. I also have some time constraints, in terms of people getting suspicious, workplace, other things to attend to in life, etc. At the same time, I don't want the idea of not "tying up loose ends" such as not having time to write letters, leaving things to people etc., stopping me from doing this.
Essentially trying to overpower SI by making sure I don't rush into it but also don't delay too much and have loose ends covered. But my major issues of anxiety and indecision IRL are transferring to this as well. I'm the kind of person that would like to have things covered, would ideally have liked to have written some lovely letters, have things tidied up, take my time. At least write letters to a few of my loved ones or friends. Otherwise, my death might feel like my life: one where I wasn't even allowed to do what I wanted (have it be guaranteed/peaceful, with friends, or at least write to them).
Also, the wait for the SN is agonizing. In a way, I feel so ashamed and stressed about my actions, that I feel like I should do it ASAP. I'm also super responsible and conscientious IRL and am trying to find ways to do it that are the most peaceful and non-damaging. But at the same time, I just want out. I'd also feel sad rushing it, though.
Is all this over-worrying just SI kicking in? What are the actual chances of a visit in between me receiving the thing and doing it in 2-4 weeks' time?
Another alternative is waiting a few months to be fully sure; but then I can't imagine what I would do with all that time. I'd be so anxious and agonized.
But doing it too soon also increases anxiety. That said, I am fairly sure. I'm just looking for an excuse to do it at this point
What will improve my chances of success, especially in terms of dedication to it (apart from following the guide)? Is it setting a date and sticking by it? If I lived alone, I'd be more inclined to do that as I could handle a visit by myself, but I don't (and it freaks me out that others I live with might get involved - I don't want that). I think I'm feeling a bit upset by time pressure at the moment.
Finally, if I did want to do it live here, chatting to someone, what is the best way of doing that?
I am also very lucky, in that my best friend, listened to me about all this and told me that if it was not against the law they'd consider helping and it was my choice. They might also be able to talk to me live. However, I also regretted telling them a little, because they cried a lot. In a way, it was horrible seeing that. They said they'd even consider helping me maybe IRL, but they had to think it over. My friend also said they'd prefer to receive a note from me that said, "by the time you read this", etc... which made me think I should write one.
But currently, it seems like I'd be doing it alone. Also, if I did it soon, the chances of my friend coming would be really slim; if I waited, they might (but still unlikely).
My PMs are open if anyone would like to chat. It's telling of how depressed I have become, I think, that when I don't see many/any replies to a post here, I'm like "oh my god, I'm not even popular on SS" (as in real life, I think people find me really difficult already).
Thank you for reading
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