Story small grief tip

[blckfurmutt]

if anyone is struggling with grief right now, or if you know someone who is struggling with it, i think the most helpful thing is just to ask them, "can you tell me more about (deceased person or animal)" after my brother passed away, everyone said shit like hes in a better place now and hes not hurting anymore or time will heal. it was all bullshit. until i told a classmate and his response was "what was he like?"

i remember this moment so well. many years later i still think of it. it was refreshing and such a kind thing. now if you're struggling with grief firsthand, the best thing you can do is treat yourself to their favorite drink, or game. write about them. your favorite memory with them. i like to find little interview questions online and answer them like i'm him. answering questions about the type of man he was. there is no form of proper relief from immense grief and pain. but this has always helped.

 

[hell toupee]

Those are some great suggestions.

I lost my wife of 24 years a little over a year ago and was so grief stricken I didn't know what to do with myself.

Now, I'm not religious, nor have I ever been much of a spiritual person, however, out of pure desperation, I had remembered hearing a long time ago on one of those stupid psychic medium shows a member of the audience had asked how a regular person could communicate with a loved one who had died. The answer was just to speak out loud to them, as if they were right there in the room with you. Beside myself, I just started speaking to her out loud, and what happened after that completely changed my perspective on life, why we are here, and what happens when you die. It was so bizarre that I still somewhat question it today, thinking I had lost my mind, or that my mind was playing tricks on me in some weird way to console myself. Let's just say I was given proof that convinced without question I was not hallucinating.

I don't expect anyone to believe the above, as I probably wouldn't had it not happened to me, But it happened, and completely changed me. I actually am looking forward to no longer being focused in this physical existence. Dying is waking up from the dream that we call life. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I can't deny that experience, nor the weird coincidences that have happened ever since - like my wife's name appearing in a book I was reading, on the 1 year anniversary of her death. My wife had an incredibly unusual name, and the first page I read on that day had a character in the story call the main protagonist by my wife's name. At first, I thought it was a typo, but it wasn't, because the very next line is the protagonist asking why he called her that name. It only appears 2 times in the entire book and the book does not explain why or hint at why, out of the blue, this guy calls the protagonist my wife's name. He literally says "Nono". And the main character then says "Nono?". And that's it. There is absolutely no reason for it to be in the book ("The Midnight Library").

Had the above been the only thing that happened, I would surely dismiss it as a weird coincidence. However, things like that have been happening ever since she passed.

BTW, I asked why speaking out loud was necessary, and the answer I received was that thoughts and emotions, ultimately, are just forms of energy. When you have too many competing thoughts in your head it comes across as static and is hard to decipher. Speaking out loud directs that energy in a more focused manner.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Those are some great suggestions.

I lost my wife of 24 years a little over a year ago and was so grief stricken I didn't know what to do with myself.

Now, I'm not religious, nor have I ever been much of a spiritual person, however, out of pure desperation, I had remembered hearing a long time ago on one of those stupid psychic medium shows a member of the audience had asked how a regular person could communicate with a loved one who had died. The answer was just to speak out loud to them, as if they were right there in the room with you. Beside myself, I just started speaking to her out loud, and what happened after that completely changed my perspective on life, why we are here, and what happens when you die. It was so bizarre that I still somewhat question it today, thinking I had lost my mind, or that my mind was playing tricks on me in some weird way to console myself. Let's just say I was given proof that convinced without question I was not hallucinating.

I don't expect anyone to believe the above, as I probably wouldn't had it not happened to me, But it happened, and completely changed me. I actually am looking forward to no longer being focused in this physical existence. Dying is waking up from the dream that we call life. Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I can't deny that experience, nor the weird coincidences that have happened ever since - like my wife's name appearing in a book I was reading, on the 1 year anniversary of her death. My wife had an incredibly unusual name, and the first page I read on that day had a character in the story call the main protagonist by my wife's name. At first, I thought it was a typo, but it wasn't, because the very next line is the protagonist asking why he called her that name. It only appears 2 times in the entire book and the book does not explain why or hint at why, out of the blue, this guy calls the protagonist my wife's name. He literally says "Nono". And the main character then says "Nono?". And that's it. There is absolutely no reason for it to be in the book ("The Midnight Library").

Had the above been the only thing that happened, I would surely dismiss it as a weird coincidence. However, things like that have been happening ever since she passed.

BTW, I asked why speaking out loud was necessary, and the answer I received was that thoughts and emotions, ultimately, are just forms of energy. When you have too many competing thoughts in your head it comes across as static and is hard to decipher. Speaking out loud directs that energy in a more focused manner.

I'm sorry for your loss .
I also received clear communication a few minutes after asking a deceased friend out loud that if she still existed to please show me. It only happened once, but that was enough for me.

 

[fadedghost]

after my best friend passed, i could hear her talk to me, but i was also clearly extraordinarily psychotic and depressed, like "mad" in a classical sense, and was seeing things moving that weren't there and hallucinating all sort of stuff.

i know some people try therapy and grief groups and religion and things like that, but for me, what really helped me was ordering SN and doing massive amounts of opiates... although the opiates did make me even more psychotic, so i had to stop, so in a way, they weren't that helpful... also detoxing from opiates was not fun...

i don't really have anything helpful to contribute to this discussion other than that i haven't found that good of a way to deal with grief. maybe i need stronger illegal drugs?

 

[hell toupee]

I'm sorry for your loss .
I also received clear communication a few minutes after asking a deceased friend out loud that if she still existed to please show me. It only happened once, but that was enough for me.

Wow, that's pretty incredible.

The experience I described above, when I spoke out loud, only happened the one time. However, after that, I have a dozen or so of I guess what people might call synchronicities that were strange - like the thing in the book.

It took me quite a while to wrap my head around it, as I tend to overanalyze everything, but the more I did, the more things started to fit together.

And I'm perfectly aware that all of this sounds batshit crazy - nobody IRL knows anything about this as I'm too embarrassed to even mention it. Now, I consider a gift, as it completely changed my attitude on everything I was facing at the time.