earth_bound
sick 4ever
- Jan 9, 2024
- 13
Currently my sleep schedule is entirely fucked. I sleep from like 10 am to 4 pm and then am up the rest of the time. The last time I was asleep, I had a dream about witches and they gave me 2 dates that my life would get better. Ever since then I've been experiencing derealization and BPD euphoria. I feel like I'm trapped in a different reality. Living with this mental illness unmedicated is genuine torture I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I don't understand why so many people hate me but at the same time I do. If I was a person w/out this mental illness I think I would also think I was insane. I've been extremely unmotivated and am falling into a cycle. I don't know what to do. I don't want the rest of my life to be like this. Everyday, I dread going about daily life. It's a chore and honestly I feel shame 24/7. I went to a therapy session once and only went one time. I wish I kept going because maybe I would have gotten better but honestly that just seems embarrassing. I'm scared to CTB because I don't want to shame my family or make them sad, but it would be what's best for me. Even if I go to hell or there's nothing there, I know I'll be happier because I'm already in hell so what difference would it make.
